Stressed out and feeling guilty about getting help

Hi everyone.

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, and I'm sorry if the proper place is in another forum.

For about a month ago my SO called my doctor and went with me to see her. Based on what SO and I told her she figured out I am depressed. She told us to try to call psychologists and try to get an appointment with someone. She also set me up for a new appointment with her a week later.

I went alone for the second appointment and she took some blood samples and we talked for awhile. I told her that SO had made phone calls and that I was on a pretty short waiting list for a psychologist with a good reputation.

My doctor mentioned medications and that she might want to refer me to the district psychiatric centre. We made a third appointment two weeks ahead (on forthcoming Tuesday).

Now in the meantime, the psychologist my SO talked to got an opening in her schedule, and I went to see her on Wednesday. We talked for awhile and I told her that my doctor had mentioned medication and the centre, and we discussed use of meds for a while and she told me how it works and that it might be an good idea for me, and that I should ask my doctor about it the next time I went to see her. The physiologist and I made another appointment

When the time was nearly over I told her that I have an appointment with my doctor on forthcoming Tuesday, and she seemed surprised and asked me why we had made another appointment.

I really felt bad and in loss for an answer, and just said I didn't really know, and that we just had made another appointment. She didn't say anything more about it, but now I am so confused and really don't know what to do. I guess I kind of want to cancel the appointment with the doctor and put my head in the sand, and I feel really guilty for seeing my doctor and taking up her time and that I am really needy and bad and that I don't deserve neither of their time. I even don't have a good reason for going there except it feels kind of good that someone listens.

What do you think and what should I do?

Don't you have to get the results of the blood sample that he took or did you already get the results. Do you think that THAT'S why you're going to the doctor? If you already got the results, I don't know why you're going either. Has the doctor given you the medication yet for the depression? That's probably why you're going too. He needs to give/prescribe the medication. The psychologist can't do that, so the doctor has to. You'd better keep that appointment and TALK to him about the medication!!! Ask him about it, ok?

KEEP your appointment with the psychologist PLEASE. You NEED to keep going sweetie. It's VERY important that you go. The psychologist is who is going to help you with the depression. So you'll begin talking about things, etc. The psychologist will get things started.

Keep BOTH appointments, ok? Keep the doctor's cause you need your medication, and keep the psychologists cause you need to talk about things.

Let us know how things go, okay sweetie. We're with you 100% and we're listening! God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Thank you Leed!

I guess I'm going tomorrow (or my SO will be really frustrated, haha), but I'm really nervous and feels selfish taking the docs time. No, I haven't got the results yet, but maybe I could be told on the phone (well, I don't do telephone chatting so I guess that's not an option either, but if there's nothing wrong, there is nothing to be told either). The meds was just something the doc mentioned, and I feel I won't dare ask about it if she don't talk about it again. About the depression, I don't know. I feel rather fine today, I have even been cooking dinner from scratch and doing some laundry. Maby it's just something I am making up, an excuse to be lazy or something, and really don't need any help at all.

It didn't go very well today. The battery on my car was flat, so I never got to my doctor. Had to call the doctors office to tell them, and I was so stressed out, that the moment I hung up, I forgot the time of the new appointment I was handed, so I had to call again, and almost cried out loud in the phone with the secretary... what a failure I am.

Your subject line really jumped out at me. I always feel guilty about needing help. In my own experience, I will have some bad days, and other days I feel fine. It just depends. The problem is that you can be fooled into thinking that it was all "in your head" and you cancel your appointments and stop taking your medication. If you felt miserable enough to find this website and to make appointments with your doctor, I think it's safe to say that you are far from being lazy or a failure. Keep posting, or do something nice for yourself because you deserve it! Be kind to yourself. My T is trying to teach me to do the same.

Hi Lornalady,

I can really relate to your story. I'm also extremely anxious about "bothering" the doctor/therapist. Please muster enough courage to discuss the meds option. They can help tremendously (or so I've heard). In my case they take the edge off a bit. It's hard to describe ... they don't exactly give me more energy, but they do help me move more quickly - as in, when I finally do decide to get out of bed I no longer slither onto my feet at a snails pace. They also help with my anxiety a bit, and I think they do help me sleep better - not exactly more sleep, but better sleep.

I also had a car situation that left me feeling like a nuisance to the health care profession. I was driving to my second appointment with the therapist. I was stopped at a stoplight, and then the car behind me crashed into me. I didn't even have the phone number for the therapist's office with me, so I had to bother the doctor's office to get the number from them so I could cancel my appointment. This kind of stuff happens.

I've been "getting help" for about a year now, and it is not easy, but it's worth it. I decided to get help because my husband deserves better than the way I am when I'm severely depressed. It sounds like you have a very concerned SO to help you through this, too. Let that fact make you feel better about getting help. Please keep trying.

Hi Lorna,

Just keep in mind that it is these people's job to help you, that is what they are there for. It is confusing having so many appointments and people to keep in touch with. It can be overwhelming. You should go to your appointments still, even if you go and there's nothing that needs to be done that week doesn't mean you wasted their time, maybe someone else could still squeeze in during the day.

Thank you all so much for your input and encouragement! It's good to write down my thoughts here, and it's good to read your feedback.

I went to the doctor on Thursday. She asked mainly about my job seeking situation (feels overwhelming), pointed out that I had got my hair cut, and asked me again if I am feeling depressed, and I told her I just feels empty and sad and tired. But I was happy (feeling like a good girl) to tell her that during the past two weeks I had been out for a short walk and had been swimming with my only friend one evening. I told her that I had been with the psychologist, and that the psychologist told me to ask about meds. The doctor didn't want to give me meds, and told me to ask the psychologist if she could write her a letter with reasons for putting me on meds. Then she told me to go out for coffee with friends and exercise. I don't now what to think, but part of me feels like I'm being punished for trying hard to be positive, another part yells at me for my complaining and having too much self-pity. On the other hand, I respect my doctor for not just giving me meds and then hush me away. She gave me another appointment, and I didn't dare to ask why she wanted me to come back next Friday, so I hope the psychologist wont ask about it when I will meet with her on Wednesday. I know I just can't make me ask her to write that letter.

On Friday, I had a meeting with the unemployment office. The guy there is really nice and want to get me some work practice in a company I would really like work for. He takes care of the initial process and will go with me to talk with them if they are interested. I feel guilty, nauseous and frustrated for not being able to take the responsibility of getting myself a job, and I feel I'm misusing the social services, just demanding without taking responsibility for myself. I have been thinking about sending him an email and tell him to stop the payouts for me, and to stop helping me getting a job, but well, then I won't be able to pay my bills. Just sick of myself right now.

Can I just say you shouldn't feel guilty? It's their job to help you, not make you feel like you shouldn't be taking up their time. You or your insurance is paying them a lot of money for a service. YOU should not be be feeling bad.

Railfan, I just wish that what you are saying is true, but I'm not paying one cent, and I don't have insurance. I have free medical care and is receiving unemployment checks from the unemployment office.

So basicly I'm both receiving and using a lot of money other healthy and working people are paying in taxes. Not something to be very proud of, and if I just could find myself a job without help, all that money they use on me, could have been used on more deserving people with serious health problems.

Lornalady, please try to be a bit easier on yourself - you're just getting a bit of help so you can get your feet back under you so you can get back to being who you are when you're not ill with depression and anxiety. It's an illness, not a sign of weakness - that's hard to believe when you're beating yourself up inside, but it's something that can be treated successfully. Yes, it takes time. But keep doing your part. I know it's uncomfortable to be the messenger between the physician and the therapist, but it's your role because of confidentiality stuff. I always approach it as: "My therapist told me I should tell you about how I ..." and "My doctor suggested that I ask you about ..." You have to advocate for yourself so the folks who are helping you can determine how they should proceed to get you the most effective treatment. You're doing a great job of keeping up with your appointments even though it's frustrating.

Thank's for your response

I have been with the psychologist again today, and told her all about my doubt about getting help and that I deserve to feel bad.

It felt really intense and scary, and I am exhausted and have a headache and wants to throw up, but it felt good! I like her, and have a pretty good feeling about going there. Now I'm heading out for a walk like she told me to.

Therapy can be more draining than the depression. I'm glad to hear you think you work with your T. I guess it really does take time - that's one thing I have a problem with. I just want this to just go away - now; but it doesn't work that easily (at least for me it doesn't).

I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving! My hubby and I cooked a turkey breast and enough yummy stuffing and cranberry sauce to freeze up and eat as leftovers until Easter. And then this morning I was down again. Go figure. I get three more days off of work - I wish I could be happy this whole time that I'm off. I'm gonna work to be more stable/resiliant by the time Christmas gets here.