Crying...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Nina}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry! ((((((((((Nina)))))))))

Life is just toooooooo much! I can't see how I'm going to be able to keep on living, with all this misery. I don't want to get up in the morning... in the evening I feel too down to even go to bed.... I know when I go to bed I can't relax enough to go to sleep. Because of this, I stay up late at night.
I will soon have an eye surgery done.... My tummy is in rebellion....
I've just endured huge difficulties with a "friend".
My son is not feeling good at all with the Asperger's disorder, right now. My daughter is standing in all this... getting hurt by her brother and so on... I'm worried about her as well as him.
My husband has got a depression. He's feeling a bit better now though.
My mom is not feeling well. My sister is fighting against depression.
My OCD is getting worse again...
I've just been doing all these tests- all the time being watched by the psychologist.... Now I'm waiting for the results... won't get them until the 15:th of june...
I've gained a lot of weight... feel so ugly!
I don't feel like meeting people! I can hardly look them in their eyes.
I just feel so useless... worthless.... numb... nothing!

We just got home from my son's child therapy... When he is seeing his psychologist, my husband and I talk to another psychologist about our son and how we're feeling ourselves. Today I didn't laugh, playing with words... I could hardly look the psychologist in the eye... Tears came up in my eyes... but they remained there and never fell down. I was talking in a very "down way"... Because I just feel soooo drained! I feel so out of energy!
About my son's appointment: Oh, dear... not cool! Went to meet him at the door in the end of his session.... I got so scared... because I could hear him screaming from inside the room. "Let me go! I hate you!..." etc. When the door opened... the psychologist was sweating like a pig... my son was upset. I asked what was wrong... My son wouldn't answer... The psychologist only said that my son had been upset and that things like that can happen.
Well... my mind started spinning! What had really happened in there???? Thoughts like...: did the psychologist do something to my boy...? did he touch him in a wrong way??? I had to very gently ask my son... about what had happened. He called me a few things, but slowly I got him to talk.
It turned out to be like this...: My son had been throwing sand all over the room, from the indoor sandpit they use in therapy. He had called the psychologist "ugly"... that he hated him and so on.... The psychologist had to hold him in a very firm way to try to get him calm down.
Then my son told me that this whole day has been a pain. He had cried in school... been worrying about stuff. I felt so bad for my little boy!!!!!
I spoke to the psychologist on the phone later, to talk about it all. He said, that my son was showing his frustration in front of him, because he knows him better and feel more secure with him now than before. The poor psychologist had to take what my husband and I are so used to take. Nasty words... name calling...
When we got home... the tears just came!

This is tooooooooo much!

I don't have any words for you, Nina. I'm sorry. But I do have this...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Nina}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Nina -

I'm sorry you're feeling out of sorts, and generally piled on by issues in your life right now.

First of all, take a deep breath. Then take a couple of more deep breaths.

I think you need to focus on just you and your immediate family in the short run.

Why is your stomach rebelling about your upcoming eye surgery?

I'm dealing with weight issues too -- but forgive the pun, but it can WAIT.

Ease up on you -- will you? It's hard enough meeting people when things feel like they are fairly in order in your life. Right now, everything seems to be every which way. I believe it will get better.

Hugs,

EJ

Thank you; oksomaybeimnuts, time0, SeptemberMorn and EJ711!

My tummy leads its own life... always naughty! Not connected to me having a surgery, EJ711. Maybe I wrote a bit strange...

Well... I am focusing on my family, but I need to listen to others and to show compassion. It makes me feel a bit useful... I love people... it's just the way I am. But I do know that I tend to care a bit too much sometimes about others in need. Hard to change one's behaviour though!
It's been down-hills now for a while, when it comes to me. I just have a really hard time seeing how it will get any better. There's way too much going on!

I'm empty! All my power has fled!

To get our boy to bed this evening, was really tough. I could feel his worry inside of me! He attacked me with his words and by kicking and talking very loud! All the time when he did this, I knew why... because he's so anxious right now because of a lot of things... The major thing that sets him off is that school is so different now at the end of terms. So many things are happening... the routine he needs to feel better isn't there right now.
Anyway... it's hard to take all his out-bursts... it gets to you... although you know why he's acting the way he is.

To not feel good yourself and then having to deal with everything else is soooo draining. I'm dead beat!

Wow... what a good and helping friend I am now!!!!! Whining! Whining! Whining!

Sorry!

((((((((((((((((( Nina ))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((( Fuzzy )))))))))))))))))



Thank you!

(((((Nina)))))

I'm sorry things are real bad right.You deserve a big Hug! things I hope will be better soon for you.

(((((((((((((nina))))))))))))))

Good beginning of this day! NOT! Crying... again... Hate it! I don't seem to find the door out... to greet the light...

(((((((((((((( Rachel, Tita, Katheryn )))))))))))))))))

Nina - I am sorry for all the pain that you are enduring. I just don't know what to say except that I do feel for you and I am sending you gentle, kind and soothing thoughts.

((((((((((Nina))))))))) I truly hope that today is so much better for you. My heart so hears the pain in your words and I just don't know what else to do but to offer my friendship to you... Please know I will listen and care if nothing else.. Linda

Hi Nina,

How about calling your doctor and see if he can give you something to calm your nerves?

Hugs,

EJ

Nina I know you have the strength to endure this...you are a very strong woman with a great many assets...one being your love of people and the other being loved by so many...sometimes when things get so jumbled up in our lives we can not see a way out the one thing we need more than anything is just someone to reach out a hand and offer us a shoulder to lean on...your family loves you Nina...they really do...your boy is doing what he can to relieve his stress and his saying things that are nasty is his way of getting a reaction out of you...the best thing you can do is to reassure him that you love him very much...you will make it sweetie...I know you will...with all this going on and probably more we don't know about it is no wonder your tumbly is upset...Hugs for you dear lady...take it easy and try to be a little more kind to yourself...

Thank you for your words!!!!!

((((((((((((((((((( Sabrina Jane Linda Lyle ))))))))))))))))

I still feel down and have been crying and sleeping a lot today...
But I want you all- who have supported me with you caring words, to know that you've carried me through this day. Thanks, all of you! I need you, guys!

(((((((((((((((((((nina))))))))))))))

Nina -

Having children with special needs is so hard. When everyone else's child is reassured and relaxed by less work, and a release from structure, our children with special needs have the opposite reaction.

It takes a lot of energy just to always make the "translation" that how you are being treated by your child has NOTHING to do with you. It goes against the way we are naturally wired.

Hugs and love,

EJ

((((((((((((((((Nina)))))))))))))))))))

I don't "hear" any whining! I hear upset, concern, frustration and exhaustion that's seems totally appropriate to everything going on...and my goodness do y'all have it going on! I'm so sorry. The old saying "when it rains, it pours" is applying in your life right now and you sound soaked to the bone.

Try to remember, sweetie, that this too shall ease if not completely pass.

Remember that we're here and listening with care. You can "dump" on us for a while. I hope it eases your load.

KD

Thanks for caring about me!

((((((((((((( Mel Jane Kimmy Lilith )))))))))))



I find it hard asking for help... I'm not really used to it. I've always been the one trying to be there for others... and well not really let anyone see what lies in my own heart and mind.
When I started writing poetry again just before I join this place, I had not been writing since I was a teenager. Now I love doing it! It's my way to ease some of the pain... I need to get things off my chest. By posting my poems here in CC, I had taken a huge step! I kind of let go of my armour, which has been my protection against getting hurt again like so many times before. The response you've given me is amazing! You've made me keep on going! I write my poems for me, but I also hope that some of you might find something in them to ease your pain as well.
Thank you all for taking such good care of this swedish girl, far away from you!

((((((((((((((((((( PC-members )))))))))))))))))))