[BlueFaith]

I sit here and stare at this computer screen wondering what to say to make myself feel even a little bit of relief. I don't know what that might be. I've just got to let this all out somewhere, and this is the only place I know to do that. I've tried doing it in real life, and the words just won't come out. How can I expect anyone to understand why I am going through this hell if I can't even tell them how I am truly feeling? Hell, it's hard for me to even know how I feel. Some parts of me feel numb... while other parts are aching so bad that I can't stand it. I sit here... I look around. I hear things, but I'm not really listening. I feel like at any given moment I could possibly explode.

I want relief. I don't know how to make that happen right now. No one else knows how to make that happen either. I talked to my doc... she changed my medicine. I am not feeling very well. I sit, and I wait for something to happen to make these feelings go away. So far, no luck. I've barely forced myself outta the bed for the past 2 days... and now I can't wait for the day to end so I can go back to bed again. If I didn't have to I wouldn't get up at all. The only time I'm not thinking horribly is when I'm asleep. I'm angry at the world, and any little thing sets me off lately. I need help. I've prayed.. I've cried... I've begged God to just give me some type of relief from this. I don't know what He's waiting for. I've taken all the steps I know to help myself. I have no energy to do anything else now... I don't even want to leave my house... So, I don't. I just sit here and breathe.

I'm tryng to just let someone know how I'm feeling and maybe have someone else understand. I know I have been a very needy person around here lately. I'm sorry for that. I don't mean to be that way. I just can't help it. If I don't tell you all how I am feeling, then I really just don't have anyone else to tell. I'm completely alone in this (IRL). No one else understands.

My parents are the type that think if I'd just pray that everything will just go away. Not that I don't have faith in prayer, but this is going to take more than prayer. It embarrasses them that I even see a therapist. So, there's no talking to them. My hubby is always at work or asleep, because of the shifts he has to work. And I don't have any friends here, since I just moved about 6 months ago. I don't know anyone here.

I'm just so down right now... and I can't seem to find my way back up. I'm hurting, and I'm scared. Thanks to all who read this.

My sweet sweet friend... I'm here whenever you feel like talking! I'll listen to you!
I can see the pain in your words...

((((((((((((((((((( Jenn ))))))))))))))))))))))))

jenn.....i just want to tell you that i understand...some years ago i was right where you are now and i never thought i could get through it.....but i did........i got therapy.....i tried many trials and errors of meds...i leaned on friends and family.......you are so not alone hon.....hang in there.it will get better....

[kimmydawn]

Oh, (((((((((((((sweet Jenn)))))))))))))))

Honey, do you know how proud I am of you? You are in so much pain, and so scared and confused, yet you continue on even when you feel like you can't. You possess a faith and hope that's rare in such consistency.

If I would've have a little sister, you would be her. We are much alike and I WILL ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE FOR YOU. Know that some might not understand in your family, but you have another family (me and others here) that love you, and will hold you right through this.

I feel your pain, sweetheart. I'm sorry for it. We'll get through this...WE will.

Much love,

KD

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((Jenn)))))))))))))) I can so understand how alone and scared you feel when those around you don't understand how you feel. There are those of us here who do understand and care for you. I hope you start to feel better soon. Please take care of you.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so alone. I don't really know what to say, just that i wish you strength... and hope someone in your life hears you and gives you the hug you deserve. Do take care.

[BlueFaith]

Thanks, everyone. Yes, I do have a family here. You all have proven that time and time again. When I'm in this state of mind, though... it feels like nothing is ever going to get better. I'm gonna hold strong. Something has to work out somewhere.. things won't stay like this forever. Life will improve, and hopefully I can look back at this and be proud of myself for getting through it. Thanks to all of you for your kind words. I do appreciate each and every one of you for thinking of me.

[walkswithspiritbear]

((((((((jenn)))) I am truly sorry that you are feeling this way and I understand way to well. I am not in therapy at this time and don't see it happening soon as it seems as if my life is always in some state of upset... I understand not having any friends. I am living here for almost a year and there is not a single person I can call a friend except my hubby and I can't always lean on him either because then he gets too overwhelmed. so see you aren't alone... come back and post and know that you have friends in here to listen to you.. take care, Linda

[Fuzzybear]

Many hearts are thinking of you and many hands (and paws) are reaching out to you. You will get through this, I believe in your strength!
(PM me any time if you would like to vent, I understand.... also your parents sound a lot like mine (were) )
(((((((((((( Jenn )))))))))))))

[BlueFaith]

((( Linda ))) ((( Fuzziest Wuzziest )))
Thank you so much for understanding... and for believing in me. All of you here help me have strength when I can't find it anywhere else.

[Sabrina]

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. My thoughts are with you.

[sarahzen]

thank you so much for saying what i've been feeling. i have a three year old son and there are days when i can't get out of bed even for him. i've recently become a single parent so i have to get up. but sometimes the most i can do is change his diaper and give him something to eat. i don't want to get out of bed. i don't want to be around people. i feel totally isolated but don't know how to be around people right now. i feel like i'm forcing myself to be something i'm not. my parents, too, keep telling me to pray. i also belong to a 12 step program so they say the same thing. it's my faith that's lacking. but i don't know what to do. it hurts and i'm paralyzed. but the rational/"sane" side knows what to do. it won't communicate properly with the other side. on medication. seeing a therapist. now my family thinks that maybe i should go to an inpatient mental facility. i'm embarrassed about that. feels like the ultimate in defeat. but maybe that would be good. i don't know. i want to cry, rage, scream, explode, and just rock back and forth. i hate this and like you, i feel like i've been doing what i need to do but it'snot helping. at least i know i'm not alone. of course, that means that someone else is going through it too. and that's not a fun thing. hugs to you.

Hi Jenn,

I've been there and I know how frustrating it feels not knowing what it is you're feeling or even why you're feeling that way. All you know is that it doesn't feel good.
I hope you're feeling better.
(((((((Jenn))))))))))

[dreaming2fly]

(((((((hugs))))))))) if ok..

Kat