I'm getting scared.

Always been dealing with these problems associated with depression..

Cried the other day, watching videos about people who committed suicide. Haven't cried in several years. Imagined myself in that place. Imagined them describing the situation as my "friends" and family.

Don't fit in this world. Have good moments when the life of the party and happy.. But no one really knows me. My close friends don't care. Drink booze with them, smoke weed with them. That's all that matters.

No college education. No job prospects. Bi-polar disorder, Anti Social Personality Disorder, Depression. Broken human.

Why stay? New brain? New life? Or peace..

sorry you're feeling like this..

i know exactly how you feel- it seems i don't have any prospects either.

it really sucks

hang in their!

Hi, sorry to hear that you feel so lost and alone. I know its not the same to the real life. but you have a lot of people on this site who can relate to how you feel and who care about you. I wished I could give you a proper answer..but everyone has different reasons for keeping on going. Something I find that a lot of us have in common when dealing with difficult times is holding on to our hope. The level of hope varies according to our current state of mind, but if there is only a little bit of hope left that tomorrow will be better than thats enough for me to get through today. Everything else that matters (at least to me) in life is built around hope..helping strangers, supporting our friends, fulfilling our dreams, fighting our demons..we do all of this because we hope for a better future. I'm not sure it helps but all I can say is hold on to the little bit of hope you have left and keep posting here until you feel better. There are always people here who are here for you. Feel better soon.

Hi ArrMCee --- Why are you watching videos like that? No wonder you feel awful! You should NEVER watch those kinds of videos. Since I've had depression for many many years, I would never even THINK of watching a video like that. That would put me in the pits of HE@#. You MUST be careful what you watch -- and don't do that on purpose!!

No college education?? I didn't have one either. It scared me too, but my parents didn't have the money to send me and my grades weren't good enough. So I had to "wing it." THe job I had the longest, I learned the skill on the job, and in today's world, it's almost impossible to do that. Could you go to a trade school? There are some GREAT trades you could learn there! Computer techs are always needed. And it doesn't take that long to graduate from a trade school!

You say your "close friends" don't care. Then why are they "close?" I thought CLOSE friends were our best friends -- the ones who DO care the most for us. Don't your "close" friends care the most for you? If they don't, then dump them! If they're only drinking buddies, get rid of them! Find some friends who WOULD care what happened to you!

You're a good person. I've followed your posts, and you're no dummy. You're an intelligent, kind, good person who has a great future ahead of him IF he'd give himself a break! You need to learn to LOVE yourself. You need to stop giving up before anything even starts!! You need to see a therapist! If you can, make an appointment -- you need someone to talk to!! You need treatment and soon. I wish you the very best, my friend. God bless, and please take care of yourself. Hugs, Lee

For Arrmcee