*crying*

I am so depressed lately. I have never been more unhappy. I just got out of the hospital after a major overdose on Monday. I took about 7500 mg worth of meds. I took Depakote ER, Atarax, and Haliperidol. 5 days later and I still feel so sick. They didn't pump my stomach and I wanted them to. Instead I vomited 3 times. I am so unhappy about my weight lately. It has gotten out of control. I am so overweight. I have tried going to the gym and exercising and then eating right, and it isn't that simple. I've had anorexia/bulimia for the past 11 years, so I will NEVER be happy with the way I look. That's the first problem. The second is that I'm so homesick. I am originally from Texas, but moved to the UK to get married. I'm very happy here, but it's hard not having family around. I miss my grandma most......*sighs*.......I'm so upset.
sniffles

Sniffles,

I've been there. I wish I could offer you some really great advice, but I don't have any. Bulimia has plagued me, too. I hope you can hang in there and not give up on yourself. Things will get better.

(((sniffles)))) Yes, moving away from family is tough. I hope you can work something out with your spouse in making contact with your grandmother available...if not by phone, then through elaborate mailings or such!

Please do what you know to be good for you... eating as healthy as you can... Yes, you would feel poorly after such an experience, I'm sorry you felt so desperate. You say you are happy, but why that action then? What does your doctor say to help you through this??

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_Sky said:
(((sniffles)))) Yes, moving away from family is tough. I hope you can work something out with your spouse in making contact with your grandmother available...if not by phone, then through elaborate mailings or such!

Please do what you know to be good for you... eating as healthy as you can... Yes, you would feel poorly after such an experience, I'm sorry you felt so desperate. You say you are happy, but why that action then? What does your doctor say to help you through this??

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I don't know why I did this other than to punish myself for hurting my husband with something I had hidden from him. My doctor hasn't said anything yet. I'm just hoping I can get help. I need it big time.
sniffles

Hey Darling, now you listen, I was in a similar boat as far as not feeling too good about a bunch of stuff. I gained weight and wanted to die because I was really over and I lost it all exercising and eating greens and changing off of Zyprexa and Depakote which both make you put on weight just by being on them. Now it doesent need to worry you about getting off of the meds but eventually you will want to talk to your Pdoc and he can put you on something else that works better. Maybe Respiradol or Geodon but a slow small dose at a time and take vitamins and drink lots of water. It worked for me anyway. Also please remember honey that everything is going to be ok and I love you. You will lose weight and feel better. Each brand new day you do little things to recover from this. Just talk slowly and calmly to everyone, and remember that you can do this sweetie. Everything will slowly change. I was 199 in June of 2004 and in June of 2006 I was down to 159. I worked slowly on each problem tiny bits and pieces at a time and remembered to be considerate of other people around me. I watched my manners and this actually helped me to get to the goal. I did the self control thing for them and it ended up working out for me as well. I know it can be done Sweetie. Please be upbeat each and every day Honey. Things will improve, because you will hang in there and creatively work to the goals and even though you won't see light at the end of the tunnel for a bit I PROMISE YOU WILL, HANG ON SWEETIE!

Also Sniffles, when you rest at night, put a little pillow under you stomach, because it helps to make you feel better and take the attention away from your body. I obsessed and it helped me in that way. Breathing is good as well. Also sketching. Sunflower seeds and omega 3 and 6 (vegetable based) Soyshakes, gutokota and ginger caps or in the shakes. Vegetables. Pepsi and coffee. Oh and yoga stretches, walks in the beautiful outdoors and "Wellbeing Cards" The Teachings of Abraham by Ester and Jerry Hicks all helped me.

thank you raz. i appreciate the posts. im trying so hard to get better. i am just having such a hard time coping. i cant see a light at the end of the tunnel.
sniffles