[desperado]

Hello everyone, just joined. I need some big time help & support. I've had major depression for ~23 years now, and I am currently going through probably the worst part of my life. I have tried numerous meds, several doctors and therapies and I'm back in the deep black hole. I just can't seem to pull myself out this time. I feel as though I'm in a living hell......I wake up in the morning (despite only a couple hours of sleep) and COMPLETELY DREAD the day. I just hate myself and my life. I don't want to see any of my friends or family. I just want to be alone. Being online sometimes helps, although.

I've put some calls into some doctors, hoping that that may open some doors. But for now, I just want to sleep away everything.

I can't go on living like this; this isn't living in my book. Does anyone have any suggestions or thoughts??? Any support whatsoever is welcomed!! (Btw, I hope I haven't betrayed the forum's rules in any way)......

[Valis]

Let me be the first to say, "welcome desparado!!!" , and that everyone here not only understands what you are going through, but is willing to help in any way that is possible.

I find myself stuck in that hole too; where anxiety keeps building as one loses hope in ever escaping that dark place.

It's important to realize though, that being at the bottom of the hole means the only thing left to do is climb out! It will be extremely rough, but give it everything you got...You can't "fall" any further; that's one thing you know for sure.

Try starting your journey of getting out of that hole by telling us here at the forum some things about yourself, and from there see what happens.

Thanks for finding us desparado, and know that I (as many others on this forum) always have a listening ear.

[desperado]

Thank you very much, Valis, for your reply....very kind of you.

I know that being at the bottom of the hole means that I guess I have no where to go but up; however, I still feel that I haven't reached rock bottom, somehow.

One therapist once told me that attempting to climb out of this hole is like climbing out of a burning hell: the rungs on the stairs are extremely hot and painful, but they are the only way out....and eventually get "cooler" and "easier" the higher you climb........

I just can't seem to do it this time. Not now, at least.

Anyway, Valis, thanks again for listening. Perhaps I will share more soon. Take care.

[Lexicon78]

Welcome to Psych Central, desparado!

I'm sorry you are struggling so badly.

Hang in there.

[desperado]

Thanks, Lexicon. I'm hanging in for now. Hope you are, too.

[desperado]

Anyone out there feel like me........alone & empty just about 100% of the time??? I have lost all self-esteem (not that I had much anyway); I rely way too much on others' opinions of me; I try way too hard to please others; I put others before me, all the time, oh, and this is a horrible one: I fall in love so fast, it's ridiculous - gets me hurt and burnt all the time. I am so messed up.....I never learn.

[Sabrina]

You sound just like me when I was at my worst. I am currently in remission and hope to stay "recovered" for the rest of my life. Just take very small steps, ok? You deserve to put yourself first once in a while, though I understand how hard this can be to do.

Sending you soothing and strengething thoughts. There really is hope and light at the end of that dark, lonely tunnel.

Take care!

[desperado]

I'm happy to hear that you're currently in remission, Sabrina - that's awesome. I know - baby steps, but they are SO difficult. I don't even know if I'm on the right path.

Thanks for your nice thoughts.

J