Guilt

I'm 56. Have had trouble with depression for years. Meds never seem to work.
I 'm on 30 mgs of Prozac....any higher and it bothers my leg muscles.
I also take Lorazepam for anxiety.
I am homebound both by physical causes & by choice.

I 've been experiencing feelings of guilt on everything!
Really distresses me.
If I sleep late I feel guilty because I 'm not up uncovering my birds.
I 'm always feeling at fault for anything that goes wrong or off.
Always saying "I 'm sorry ".
Naps make me feel guilty....I should be doing something productive.

Anytime my birds have any problem.....It 's my fault.
If my caregiver is extra quiet well I must have done something wrong.
It 's my fault my kids are having any problems. Even tho they are all
over 30.
2 of them blame me for everything wrong in their lives.
(We 've been estranged for years)

My power needs to be paid.
It 's just all my fault that I ran out of money.
Had to pay the vet or lose one of my birds.
That was probably my fault too.

What can I do?
And why do I feel like I 'm doing something wrong if I sleep past
10:00 in the morning? Nights don 't go so good sometimes.
My dreams are even of me being blamed for things.

What can I do?

The best thing you can do is take a step back, take a deep breath, calm down and relax a bit. maybe go to a nearby library and just read. worrying never helps anything. guilt is mostly just worrying about the past. All it will do is tire you out and make things harder for you. The past is over and done with, forgive yourself and just take each day one at a time.

Welcome, Summerbreeze, and thank you for joining.
You don't have to answer this; just something to think about: early on did someone need you to be or train you to be a blame magnet?

Yes...since childhood.
My siblings.
My husband.
Now my kids.
I found it was easier to just be the fault person.

I question it now....the kids blaming me for things
happening I don 't recall. Things from when they were
too young to remember....Things I can not even imagine
myself doing.
An 'easy mark ' I guess.
In all the years I 've been fighting depression, guilt has been
the hardest to overcome.
I 'm not very strong sometimes....and it 's been a long time
since anyone put their arms around me and told me it 'll be OK.
That "It 's not your fault."

Logically I kinda understand....emotionally I can 't shake it.
I try to live in the 'here & now '....but my mind drifts.
....old habit.

I DO read....a lot!
But I don 't go out of my yard and seldom out of my house.
Physical & emotional locks on my doors.

I 'm trying to leave yesterday behind. Live each moment.
It 's the only way I can see to survive.
Even to the point of separating myself from everyone that
is negative.
I 've left a lot behind.

If I could just get out of the habit...it eats away at my insides.
Thanks....means a lot.

Thanks for sharing summerbreeze, and please continue to do so.

Hugs to you (It's not your fault).

RJ

Bless your heart. I have a tendency to take on guilt that doesn't belong to me too. It seems that I say 'I'm sorry' alot, when I shouldn't. I HATE that about me. And i'm always the first one to come around after an argument, even when it wasn't my fault. My daughter tends to jump on me about stuff that she remembers wrong -- and I try to gently tell her now it really was, and it enrages her, and she really goes ballistic. She has red hair and we're Irish if that tells you anything. LOL But I'm always the one to say "I'm sorry" -- when it wasn't my fault -- and I HATE that I do that. But I do it every darn time. I think it's because I hate confrontation & I hate anger and resentments.

It all stems from my childhood. My parents were always fighting and mad at each other. I just can't tolerate that now. I can't stand having people mad at me, or anyone mad at each other in the house. It drives me insane.

Did you have any violence in your childhood, or any abuse? Were you blamed for alot of things as a child? Were you bullied or picked on? Do you remember much of your childhood?

Many times our growing up years can have a huge effect on our adult years. I've gone thru therapy due to my childhood, and I still have a few issues, but most of them were taken care of in therapy, thank God. It sounds like you have to watch your pennies, or I'd suggest therapy for YOU too. It would be beneficial for you, if you could swing it. Do you have insurance that would pay for it? You might look into it and see if it would pay for it.

I wish you the very best. I know how you feel my friend. God bless you and please take care. Hugs, Lee