[siempre nada]

Alright. So after a very long bout of being a loner, I finally have the opportunity of friendship opening up with my college housemates and I can't deal. It seems like being around people for a prolonged period of time drains me quickly..even if I enjoy their company. I've learned to be cheery and positive and jokey around others but I can't keep that up too long. I get tired and sad and stare off in space in strange ways and I prefer they don't see that. I either say stupid things or get uncomfortably quiet or awkward when I hit my limit with being around people (which is kinda short). But I also have this desire for a deep connection with another person that my short social fuse does not permit. When people see the awkward sad person i really am I know I'll lose them so i try to maintain some distance...I have a love hate relationship with the loner lifestyle but after years of it I'm comfortable with it. ugh...i don't know..

i can't really offer advice, sorry.

with me, things got so bad that i started turning to forums and social networks to talk to people... most who i've never met.

it may not be the same as " realy friends" but in my view it can be just as good at times.. as it does make you feel less alone- even if the person is a long distance away.

what i did was find forums i'm interested in...

so i type for example, forums about downton abby, and find lots of downton abby fans i can talk to about the show

sorry i can't be anymore help

Originally Posted by siempre nada

Alright. So after a very long bout of being a loner, I finally have the opportunity of friendship opening up with my college housemates and I can't deal. It seems like being around people for a prolonged period of time drains me quickly..even if I enjoy their company. I've learned to be cheery and positive and jokey around others but I can't keep that up too long. I get tired and sad and stare off in space in strange ways and I prefer they don't see that. I either say stupid things or get uncomfortably quiet or awkward when I hit my limit with being around people (which is kinda short). But I also have this desire for a deep connection with another person that my short social fuse does not permit. When people see the awkward sad person i really am I know I'll lose them so i try to maintain some distance...I have a love hate relationship with the loner lifestyle but after years of it I'm comfortable with it. ugh...i don't know..

I feel that way, too. I feel like I am alone a lot. There are times when I'm alone, I would want to be with some people or just be with one person. Then it happens that I am with someone or with other people.

It depends on how it goes. It's a lot more draining for me to be with groups of people because it seems like they would like each other better than me. Or they would pay more attention to each other more than me.
When I'm with an individual I can enjoy it. But sometimes that can be draining if the conversation is not going that well. There are times when my mind can get bogged down with dreadful thougths, and then I would not be paying attention to that other person.

At a time when I feel lonely, I think about how nice it would be to be with someone. And right at that time, I would get what I want and then it would not be as great as I thought it would.

It's like being locked up inside because you are being punished and you want to go out. And then when you go out, you don't know what to do!

[TheRealFDeal]

It takes a lot of energy to be with people when you're used to be alone and you have depression. Can you politely excuse yourself when you've had enough?

[siempre nada]

Originally Posted by TheRealFDeal

It takes a lot of energy to be with people when you're used to be alone and you have depression. Can you politely excuse yourself when you've had enough?

I did and it was obvious I was trying to be alone. We planned to run errands today and I pretended like my alarm didn't go off when they came into my room the next day wondering why i wasn't ready. I really want to be close to people and let them in, but my insides are shitake. I can only keep up the happy facade for so long you know?

[justkeepbreathing]

There's nothing wrong with you at all! You're an introvert!!! So am I!

Search "caring for your introvert" its an article about introversion that will make you feel understood!!

Here's the deal, unfortunately we introverts are out-numbered by chatty folks, so we have to explain our entire lives why we can only handle socializing in small quantities.

Its totally OK to desire social ties and time to yourself

If you struggle with depression, I'm glad you're on this blog, and hope you get all the support you need!

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by siempre nada

Alright. So after a very long bout of being a loner, I finally have the opportunity of friendship opening up with my college housemates and I can't deal. It seems like being around people for a prolonged period of time drains me quickly..even if I enjoy their company. I've learned to be cheery and positive and jokey around others but I can't keep that up too long. I get tired and sad and stare off in space in strange ways and I prefer they don't see that. I either say stupid things or get uncomfortably quiet or awkward when I hit my limit with being around people (which is kinda short). But I also have this desire for a deep connection with another person that my short social fuse does not permit. When people see the awkward sad person i really am I know I'll lose them so i try to maintain some distance...I have a love hate relationship with the loner lifestyle but after years of it I'm comfortable with it. ugh...i don't know..

That sounds exactly like me! Quiet a few years ago, I kept trying to force myself to be a "social butterfly," so to speak--but that just ended bringing up more issues (long story). Now I'm back to just keeping to myself. (this is me in cognito)

[firefighter369]

Originally Posted by siempre nada

Alright. So after a very long bout of being a loner, I finally have the opportunity of friendship opening up with my college housemates and I can't deal. It seems like being around people for a prolonged period of time drains me quickly..even if I enjoy their company. I've learned to be cheery and positive and jokey around others but I can't keep that up too long. I get tired and sad and stare off in space in strange ways and I prefer they don't see that. I either say stupid things or get uncomfortably quiet or awkward when I hit my limit with being around people (which is kinda short). But I also have this desire for a deep connection with another person that my short social fuse does not permit. When people see the awkward sad person i really am I know I'll lose them so i try to maintain some distance...I have a love hate relationship with the loner lifestyle but after years of it I'm comfortable with it. ugh...i don't know..

im the same way....I prefer to be alone then with people...like you said if im with them for long enough I get sad...quite stare off into space. I try everything to be alone say I have to use the bathroom and just sit in their for hours till one of them knocks to see if im okay then I leave I go home and lock myself in my room away from everyone where I feel the safest and most comfortable...its a weird feeling I know...I just hang out with them for as long as I can and then I go home to the safety of my room

[siempre nada]

Originally Posted by firefighter369

im the same way....I prefer to be alone then with people...like you said if im with them for long enough I get sad...quite stare off into space. I try everything to be alone say I have to use the bathroom and just sit in their for hours till one of them knocks to see if im okay then I leave I go home and lock myself in my room away from everyone where I feel the safest and most comfortable...its a weird feeling I know...I just hang out with them for as long as I can and then I go home to the safety of my room

Im sorry but I giggled when you said you go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet for hours until they leave. That sounds like the crap I pull at work just to make the time go faster. Anyway yeah, I find it draining to be with others for too long. But if I'm alone too long the bad thoughts arise and beat me up until I'm on the verge of tears. I'm glad to know Im not alone.

[GreyThinker]

Originally Posted by justkeepbreathing

There's nothing wrong with you at all! You're an introvert!!! So am I!

Search "caring for your introvert" its an article about introversion that will make you feel understood!!

Here's the deal, unfortunately we introverts are out-numbered by chatty folks, so we have to explain our entire lives why we can only handle socializing in small quantities.

Its totally OK to desire social ties and time to yourself

If you struggle with depression, I'm glad you're on this blog, and hope you get all the support you need!

this is very sensible advice. I'm an introvert too - and yes while I like to be alone, I also like to be with people, and sometimes I just want to be there with them but not actually engaged.....and yes, we introverts are only a small part of the population (at least in Western societies) because extroversion is valued. Kids are brought up to be outgoing and friendly, and if it does not come naturally it can be really hard. However, if you lived in Japan, you would fit right in. There, people are trained to be quiet and unobtrusive; introverts are more highly valued and extroverts are the ones who feel different .

I have heard it explained in terms of energy - extroverts gain energy from being with other people but introverts lose it. We introverts need alone time to recharge. Extroverts need people time to recharge because they lose energy when they are by themselves. So if you feel you need alone time, it is probably because you need to re-energise yourself .