Hi Friends,
Just when I want to log off on my laptop and try to organize my apartment to prepare for my upcoming move next month then who should call but my ever screwed up Mother to tell me she IS NOT coming over because of her chronic pain.
Well that's fine however just don't call at all. I've already resigned myself to having no one to talk to, trying my best to watch the ball game, drink my coffee and just try to get through my damn day! I'm not wired for all this damn lonliness cause I'm a family type. I like cooking, entertaining, laughing having fun. NONE of this I get to do.
My Mom is such a drag. But I don't mind if she stops by. But don't call to say you can't come by I'm already depressed and trying to get through the day as best that I can.
So Mom says "Well what about tomorrow" ?
Tomorrow? Hell that's a long ways away! Is what I want to say.
I'm just taking things ONE DAY AT A TIME here!
So I say to her that tomorrow isn't possible I'm already committed & since I ride the bus I don't know how long I'll be since I have to go to the other side of town riding the bus.
I had said to her:
"If you want to come by & wait for me that would be fine"
I figured since we both have cell phones we can coordinate or whatever.
She just WILL not work with me. Since I have a schedule of important things to do I feel that she just does not care or is willing to even work with me.
She is always throwing a wrench to further add to my depression. Here I haven't heard from her in 2 days all because I just tired of her same monotonous conversation of:
"I went to the Doctors today to get my foot checked"
OR
It's her shoulder
OR
Something else
Never does she ask how I'm doing, it does come up but its like she performs this as something obligatory.
So I only have HER call me and I focus on myself.
Even when she calls she manages to aggravate an already tenuous situation.
I just said to her:
"Its not necessary to call to say that your not coming over"
I further added
"I already assumed that you wouldn't be by today"
Mom should call me when SHE IS coming over then I'm happy about that.
I'm already dealing with ALOT of lonliness in my life & here she is adding fuel to the fire.
Oh how I wish I could have a Mother with a normal functioning brain.
She never seems to get any better.
And theres nothing I can do for her.
I've given her plenty of suggestions to take care of herself the list is endless.
1) Join the senior center
2) Get out of the house
3) Volunteer at the local Catholic Church you belong to
4) I've helped her to apply & get on Paratransit transportation those shuttle type vans for seniors so she won't have to drive & she can get a personal type of transportation to take her anywhere she wants.

Since I really got nothing in the way I should have growing up and I mean nothing because I was so totally neglected.
Mom would come home from work, saying minimal to nothing she would fix a bowl of cereal, then go right up to her bedroom then shut the door.
Leaving me a 16 yr old confused and standing alone in the kitchen feeling so depressed and thinking that life is always like that moment.
i.e. full of people coming home & just going straight up to the bedroom without so much as a "how was your day today"
I think its why I decided to never marry.
How I feel now?
Don't really know I want to try to get some stuff together to prepare to move out, perhaps make a list of what to do & what I'll need.
And heading out to the store for more brown rice.
I guess I'm confused today.
Which is what I'll put on the mood meter here.
I really don't know what its like to have any kind of stable minded family that actually cares about what is going on with me.
I just have no idea what that's like!

[Leed]

Hi my friend ~ Your home life as a child sounds JUST like mine. I was totally neglected too. Completely. And I was depressed as a very small child, and it never left me.

Both my parents were alcoholics, so it was chaos in my home. I isolated in my bedroom after I got home from school. That's where I stayed.

I did get married, but he turned out to be controlling, mentally/emotionally abusive -- and i was scared of him. I stayed for 26 years til both my kids were grown cause he threatened to take them away from me if I left. He would have too. After the youngest was 18, I divorced the bum.

I know what loneliness is my friend. All my friends dumped me cause my ex told them all kinds of lies saying I cheated on him, etc. How could I when he wouldn't let me leave the house? But, they believed him, so oh well. They didn't bother asking me.

Unfortunately we can't choose our families, but we CAN choose our friends. Have you tried making new friends? I know it's hard. It's difficult when you're depressed.

Are you on an antidepressant? Have you talked with your doctor about how you feel? If you ARE on an antidepressant and it's not working, ask your doctor to change it.

If you don't want medications, try therapy. Have you been in therapy? It really does work! I've been thru therapy and it really helped. You doctor can help you get into therapy.

If you want to get better, you must do something about it. Talk to your doctor!! He WILL help you! God bless and please take care. And let me know how things turn out, okay? Hugs, Lee

[bharani1008]

Hi, Tn't I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Sounds like you have really tried to help your mom. My mom is like that also. She'd only have done the things I suggested if I went with her and I couldn't do that, I was working.
Anyway I just wanted to tell you I noticed your post and to say I hope you feel better.

[Pierro]

Hello T&T,I dont mean to be devils advocate, but do you rely too much on your mother? Look's like she has her own problems. My mother died when I was 30 yrs old, thats 10 years ago and I still miss her like crazy. Best wishes to you.

Originally Posted by Leed

Hi my friend ~ Your home life as a child sounds JUST like mine. I was totally neglected too. Completely. And I was depressed as a very small child, and it never left me.

Both my parents were alcoholics, so it was chaos in my home. I isolated in my bedroom after I got home from school. That's where I stayed.

I did get married, but he turned out to be controlling, mentally/emotionally abusive -- and i was scared of him. I stayed for 26 years til both my kids were grown cause he threatened to take them away from me if I left. He would have too. After the youngest was 18, I divorced the bum.

I know what loneliness is my friend. All my friends dumped me cause my ex told them all kinds of lies saying I cheated on him, etc. How could I when he wouldn't let me leave the house? But, they believed him, so oh well. They didn't bother asking me.

Unfortunately we can't choose our families, but we CAN choose our friends. Have you tried making new friends? I know it's hard. It's difficult when you're depressed.

Are you on an antidepressant? Have you talked with your doctor about how you feel? If you ARE on an antidepressant and it's not working, ask your doctor to change it.

If you don't want medications, try therapy. Have you been in therapy? It really does work! I've been thru therapy and it really helped. You doctor can help you get into therapy.

If you want to get better, you must do something about it. Talk to your doctor!! He WILL help you! God bless and please take care. And let me know how things turn out, okay? Hugs, Lee

Hi Leed,
I'm so sorry that your Husband was such an Asshole!
My Father did the same thing to my Mother with me as the pawn!
I was an only child.
To answer your question yes I'm on an antidepressant Lamotrigne and I'm on Clonazapham or Clonazapam I always get the spelling wrong these medications always trip me up because they are so many syllables.
And yes I have been in therapy. In the past a lot of them just wanted a steady patient & weren't really helping in treating me so I had to fire them.
The last one kept falling asleep or when she wasn't doing that she turned more social worker than psychologist, her energies seem scattered.
To be fair she did have a cantankerous young one at home, I would call her sometimes at her ONLY number and often the kid would be real demanding & I mean demanding of her Mothers time. That made me feel uncomfortable.
I have found a new one, because I deal with a lot of issues across the board including racism Washington State is pretty bad on that.
But although he will work with me his first opening isn't until next month.
One thing you need know about me I don't believe in just sitting around the house hoping for a miracle...Nope that ain't my style.
I work my Butt off trying to make things better.
Unfortunately I have a lot more obstacles I feel more so than the average person and I deal with isolation.
Here in Washington Seattle in particular it just is not easy making friends here UNLESS you know someone who knows someone who can vouch for you.
It is REAL clicque-ish here and if your a new face then guess what? Your treated worst than if your the new kid the first day of school! If you don't believe me Google up "Seattle Freeze" there are actual newspaper articles on it.
I try & try but I can't control insecure,jealous folks determined to just lock you out.
I keep hoping I'll get lucky but I just give up.
I'm trying to figure out how to study abroad out of the U.S.
My late Aunt moved overseas and she loved it!!
I sure wished that she were alive today, cause she was the ONLY one that I felt a kindred spirit with.
That's it for now.
If you want send me a friend request.
I'll accept.
Have a nice day.
Hope you have sun where you live.
Where I'm at there isn't

Originally Posted by Pierro

Hello T&T,I dont mean to be devils advocate, but do you rely too much on your mother? Look's like she has her own problems. My mother died when I was 30 yrs old, thats 10 years ago and I still miss her like crazy. Best wishes to you.

Well my Mother is 72.
I lost my Father in 2007 all of a sudden and I as the oldest daughter
was left out because his last Wife had a personal dislike for me. Why? Because I came from a previous marriage.
My family? is all screwed up. Just read some of my threads by typing my moniker.
So... I try to keep in touch with Mom, HOWEVER Mom will just not be proactive in taking care of herself. There is nothing wrong with her mind except she suffers from depression & bipolar.
I try to cheer her up, she stays the same.
She acts as though someone has just died. She is lethargic,depressive, and makes any & all excuses not to get out and be active.
When I used to work the counter at McDonalds in the early morning I used to see a group of senior citizens who would gather every morning after their walk around the Mall to talk,laugh and that one group really kept me going I'll tell you that! I was in my early 20's that year.
So, what I've done to cope because I have serious mental illness is that I wait for Mom to call.
I deal with isolation, its difficult to make friends here. Seattle is one unfriendly place to live. It is clicque-ish like I mentioned to Leed on here what its like is that your the new kid at a new school only no one will let you in.
Look up "Seattle Freeze" on Google to get further insight.
Anyway, I work EXTREMELY hard to maintain this illness in this crazy *** of a World, which isn't easy.
So what really got under my skin was when Mom called and so I'm excited because I was under the impression that she was going to come over.
Instead she says "I was going to come over but I'm in pain."
My thing is why call we didn't have any plans, not that she sticks to her end of the bargain on that one. So why call to say she can't make it.
That to me didn't make any sense.
I don't know why not surprise me come by unannounced...I have no relationship, no friends, I never have anyone sleep over.
I'm far too classy of a woman to EVER have those awful one night stands.
I'm trying but when I suggest she get help i.e.:
1.) Go to a support group for her chronic pain
2.) Use the paratransit shuttle van I worked hard to get Mom on to go to the senior center or wherever, these vans take you EVERYWHERE. She finds an excuse NOT to do that.
I KNOW that she won't be around forever! I lost my Dad suddenly due to his neglect & his insensitive Wife. But when I try, and all I get is pessismism and I've run out of patience then I must give up.
She won't change.
I'm just trying to be a good daughter & trying to spend time with her but she makes it difficult to do so.
Mom has always had problems with self esteem, mood swings, as well as a Histrionic Personality disorder.
No, I don't depend on her. I'm fine if I don't talk to her & prefer not to. because her depression just brings me down!
That's it.
Please only send me back a "Hang In There" No more analysis on Mom its a sore subject with me.
Read my Threads I've wrote on my Family to know more.
Have a awesome day!

Originally Posted by bharani1008

Hi, Tn't I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Sounds like you have really tried to help your mom. My mom is like that also. She'd only have done the things I suggested if I went with her and I couldn't do that, I was working.
Anyway I just wanted to tell you I noticed your post and to say I hope you feel better.

Hi there!
Yes you know what I mean! With my Mother there is nothing wrong with her mind! She doesn't suffer from Dementia, she does have physical problems but what she fails to do is to keep active & take better care of herself like going to acupuncture weekly, taking holistic herbs, going to a support group for chronic pain which I've given her a colorful downloaded page about the group.
Basically I myself suffer from mental illness that is:
Depression
Bipolar (which doesn't flair up a lot but when it does, its like hurricane season has hit)
But I just don't have the means to even accompany her. She needs to do for HERSELF! I mean that's all that was pounded into my head from the time I was a little girl.
I strive to be independent that's real important to me.
Because back in my former life as a young adult I became too dependant on others. Its okay to be that way towards your Mother & Father or any in your immediate Family Grandmother, Aunts,Uncles.
But not okay with other adults and oh boy! that was a hard grown up lesson for me.
It took me YEARS to outgrow it too.
I fought hard as an Adult cause Adulthood is real DIFFCULT no matter what part of the World you live in. Around the Globe its a bit comforting to know that others are having a hard time. Unless they are luck enough to be born into a royal family but even THEY have their problems.
I try to spend time with my Mom but its hard with her depressive issues.
I lost my Father in 2007 and I thought that would kill me, I was a total MESS emotionally when Dad died and he was not a real good Father. Meaning he hurt Mom & me REAL bad!
Two words my friend
Custody battle (when I was a child)
Thank you for replying.
I'll end here
I will hang in there and plan for the future for myself.
As for my Mom? I just don't know.
So, my friend ....Stay Tuned for more!