Depressed & Angry

Depressed & angry - what a mix.

One of my obnoxious neighbors vandalized my car last month (slashed a tire)(why doesn't matter). I got a letter today from the apartment building management company. Apparently she talked to them, told them that I had vandalized her car (I didn't), but didn't tell them what she did to mine. I've been furious all day. I HATE to be lied about. What a piece of work this broad is. She not only vandalized my car, but lied about me to the building managers.

It sent me on a "why me" downward spiral. I've been bullied all of my life. That wouldn't be so bad if there were some positives in my life, to make up for all of the pain, abuse and BS. But it seems to be all struggle and persecution and deprivation and no joy, celebration or wins. I wrote several really angst-filled poems last night about that (little did I know I was going to get that letter today to add fuel to the fire).

Nobody knows that life is not fair more than I know it. I could write books on it. But it staggers me to think of how unfair it is - consistently. How brutal life is, to decent people. This scum bag broad can be hateful, spiteful, dishonest and evil, with no consequences that I can see. But, when I try to be a good person, I not only don't get any rewards for that (or even any good breaks), I get screwed 16 ways! What's THAT about??!!

Example: last night I took myself out to a restaurant to eat dinner. An elderly lady with a walker was trying to leave the restaurant, but couldn't manage the door and the walker both. I watched her. The restaurant was very filled. Lots of people. But no one came to help her. She was looking around for help. I got up and asked her if she needed me to hold the door for her. She actually looked at me and said, nastily, "Well, I guess these guys are going to be of no use, so you'll have to do." My jaw fell open. How ungracious! I felt like telling her to open her own damned door. I didn't, though. I opened it for her. No one in the place lifted a finger to help her. Just me. And what did I get for my trouble? An insult designed to make me feel worthless. Truly, no good deed goes unpunished.

I've just been furious all day at the injustices I live with constantly. And I work so hard to fix my head. How can I ever expect to fix it? Why even bother trying? It can't happen. I'm being sabotaged at every turn.

I hate this miserable life.

i feel for you mate. i often feel like that, it makes you question why to try and help people if thats the response you get,

ive experienced this numerous times, one time i remember, about 2 years ago. i was talking to a friend of mine who was 15 at the time, i was 16/17 and she was getting badly bullied at school and didnt know what to do about it. so i thought it would help if i contacted her school as she was too scared to and i spoke to them about it. and what happened? they accused me of being a peodaphile and she stopped talking to me, i got some nasty threats from the school too (they were threatening to contact the police etc) and all i did was make them aware of her bullying. you can imagine how gut-wrenching that was for me. i was thinking "im no peodaphile, i was only being a friend". me and her havent spoken since.

in response to the actions of your neighbour, what i would do in that situation is to contact the police and show them the vandalism and tell them what shes doing to you, it can be classed as harrasment and she could get done for that.

try not to let it get you down, without helpful people like you and i this world wouldnt go round. your more appreciated than you think you are, people might not tell you but you are. it can be a cruel world, and people usually doubt someones motive if they are nice, but the thing to do is grit your teeth and carry on. you are better than these "bad" people, that shows alot too.

take care and stay safe.

Ohlostme, I would not have taken that as an insult. Maybe I'm just not reading it right.
It's more of an insult to those guys. She's an old lady-she's use to gentlemen holding doors open for her, not other ladies. I don't see it as an insult at all.
????

To Simply Simon -- that's terrible. Having all of that done to you just because you tried to help a friend. No one ever tried to fight for me, when I was being so badly bullied by schoolmates (daily). I would have welcomed the help and fought for them, afterwards (to the death!). Your friend isn't a friend. As for my neighbor, I did go to the police. I'd had the tire fixed before I went there and couldn't provide them with it, so they said they couldn't help me. (I'd have had to prove that she slashed it, and not someone else)

To Jax2923 -- it was the way she said it. She spat it out at me. It was like she was saying "I'd prefer to have a man help me, but I'll settle for you." Like I was better than nothing, but not much. I felt like saying, "Well, excuuuuuuuuse me!" I cried a lot, thinking about it, last night. It just seemed to illustrate the way I've always been treated.

Today was a riot, too. Long story -- I found out today that I have something on my phone line (a line share indicator) that was left over from a DSL account that was set up for me, but one that I never got hooked up and working, from early this year. A company I was working for (from home) wanted me to have DSL (so I could be on the internet and on the phone with them, at the same time). The modem never got hooked up, the job ended, and I sent the modem back to them. They never cancelled the account, apparently, because I still show the line share indicator on my phone line. I think they wanted to avoid early disconnect fees so they gave the modem to someone else in their company and just didn't tell the DSL company that the account wasn't still for me. Not that it's a big thing, that I still have the line share indicator on my line. But, if/when I want another DSL account in the future, I can't get one until this is removed. (I'm also not sure it isn't causing the phone problems I've been having lately ) What all this means is that I now have to have more correspondence with that company, which I DON'T want to have. It's a hassle. They haven't been very nice to me since I left their employ. I reported them to the EDD as my last employer (back in February, when work stopped). They've been fighting that designation all these months (to avoid paying into my unemployment). The EDD did an investigation and said I was an employee. The company fought that and hauled me to a hearing in which a judge also said I was an employee. Totally tiresome. And now I have to have more contact with the company (because of this line share indicator thing). I'd like to forget they exist, but the melodrama keeps going on and on. Gawd...JUST what I need, while I'm trying to fight depression.

Are we having fun yet? EVER????

I was writing another post and it suddenly popped me off. What’s THAT about???

As I was writing before I was so rudely interrupted…I just realized that ten years ago today I moved into a house in the country, back east. My whole life I’d had a dream of living in the country, and I finally realized my dream that day (August 3, 1996). If I’d only known that that dream would only last 6 months, I would NOT have been happy. I thought I had left L.A. permanently. I hated it here (still do, more than I can say), and have never been happier in my life than when I was driving across country, getting further and further away from this hot hellhole full of obnoxious lunatics. If I’d known that ten years later I’d be back in this dump, stuck, and miserable beyond words…it tears my heart out to think of it. And what I lost, when I had to leave there.

Tonight I grieve.

Puts me in mind of a poem I once wrote. The last part went:

“If I could cry
as deeply as I feel pain,
my sobs
would fill the universe,
blotting out everything.

And I would never stop.”

Dear ohlostme.
I have been reading Your posts and keeping up.
Please keep Your chin up. I wish the best for You
''hugs''
Tita

there is one thing i would suggest to you Ohlostme, buy a cheap security camera, you can get them for next to nothing these days! and install it so its overlooking your driveway (or whever you park your car) or maybe face it into your garden where you say your neighbours throw diapers into your garden, and if yuo catch it on tape, go to the police with it and they will have to do something then.

its a sure-fire way to sort the situation out, and you can buy security CCTV cameras for about £15 over here in engalnd, so i dont know how much tht converts to in dollars.

not only that, it would give you peace of mind too.

as for your old company, try not to take it personally, they are just trying to save money (what company doesnt) so they are not targetting you, and dont worry about ringing up the company, ring the DSL provider directly, they can disconnect it for you, you dont need to go through the company.

good luck with it all.

and im sorry to hear about your dream of moving to the country, sometimes these things in life happen, if you still have that dream, try again. make a very calculated move. its no harm in trying, i always believe people should live their dreams, otherwise, whats the point of dreaming if thats all they stay....dreams.

Thanks Simply SImon.

"there is one thing i would suggest to you Ohlostme, buy a cheap security camera, you can get them for next to nothing these days! and install it so its overlooking your driveway (or whever you park your car) or maybe face it into your garden where you say your neighbours throw diapers into your garden, and if yuo catch it on tape, go to the police with it and they will have to do something then."

I think you have me confused with some other poster. I live in an apartment building. I don't have a backyard for nut cases to throw diapers into...

As for putting a security camera where I park my car, I can't. I have no driveway. Because of my scumbag neighbor, I park on the street, blocks from my apartment building. A different spot every day (so she can't find my car and do any more damage).

Thanks for the thought, Tita.