Am I Needing Physical Contact Too Much? Why?

I feel like I have a need for physical contact too much, but I don't know why. This is long. I hope people will still read it. This is my first post ever.

I constantly want to be touched - but ONLY by boys I'm attracted to. If I can be holding onto someone, or laying down snuggling with someone, or hugging someone, or having sex with someone, then I'm alright. If I feel bad that is the best and most effective thing to make me feel better - even if the boys don't care about me, and even if we're not talking about what's upsetting me (in fact, PREFERABLY we're not talking about it). But I need the touch for extended periods of time, not just a quick little hug and I'm good to go.
I think I might need it too much, because I feel like I need it all the time. If I am with a boy I'm attracted to and that level of physical contact (hugs and snuggles and sex) is not an option, then I want to be leaning on them or sitting close to them with my shoulder and arm against theirs, or walking close to them, or touching their arm or back when I talk to them, or finding ANY reason I can to have an excuse to touch them. It feels like this kind of thing is practically constant. And if I don't get that physical contact when I'm with these guys, I am super aware of it and often eventually become sad, and kind of shut down. If the hang out goes too long with them not touching me, I end up staring at their hands thinking about how I want their hands to touch me, and not even really listening to them talk anymore.

More Possibly Related Information:
1) When I feel bad it is most helpful for me to text boys I'm attracted to, just a stupid joke, and all of a sudden I will start to feel much better. Texting anyone else who is not a guy I'm attracted to, even if they love me, like my parents or friends, just isn't very effective in helping me feel better. And I don't really feel love for the people who love me (family and friends) back.
2) The guy I was first with, he joked about how touchy I was was almost like a compulsion. But he didn't mind, he reciprocated, he liked how much I touched.
3) I feel like I'm a sex addict sometimes. The first guy was the only one who could be considered a relationship, the other three after that were very casual, though I cared about all of them, and with the casual ones it seemed that I wanted sex more than them, and I was always the one being turned down for sex, and I'm a girl! Then if I'm in a period where I'm not having sex, depending on my level of business and mood, I can end up masturbating twice a day for long amounts of time, because I can't orgasm as quick if I do it so much, and I don't even feel that turned on, I'm not even sure why I do it.
4) I experience derealization 24/7 (except for whenever I was with my first boyfriend). It's very hard for me to connect to the world or to other humans. And when the boys touch me that is totally what I need, but at the same time, it still feels like I'm not being touched, in a sense, because of the derealization.

Backstory:
1) When I was in middle school I got this idea that all touch was sexual. That means that I didn't want to touch my friends, and that it made me have a sick to my stomach feeling about touching my parents. It still makes me have a sick feeling sometimes. And what I generally need is prolonged touches, and that feels disgusting and wrong to do with family or friends.
2) In high school I thought I was so ugly that people would be horrified to touch me. On the bus I would squeeze myself as close to the wall of the bus as I could, so that the people sitting next to me wouldn't have to go through the horror of being close to me. I hadn't really started to get over this, until this past summer, when I was 23 years old.
3) I wanted touch so bad, though, though I didn't want to admit it because I thought it was "bad" or weak, and so for years I really hardly had any physical contact at all. I still don't really have that much now.

I don't know what any of this means, but it doesn't feel normal, and I don't understand what's going on here. I wonder if my past or the derealization or the "sex addiction" (IS that sex addiction? In a mild form?) has anything to do with it, but I just can't put it together. I feel so lonely. Even when I'm with people I feel lonely, and part of why has to do with if they're not touching me.

Any ideas? Does anybody else feel like this? Please respond, I'm very confused and feel alone in this.

Hi texascoco.

It good you become a member of PC since still are resources here(PC members included)who can give you feedback on the things you discussed in your post.

Here are some links that are in the PC website and be helpful to you. If you have a question about PC ask the Moderators and Community Liaisons through the PC private messaging.(Uh, you need 5 posts before you can do private messaging or the chat rooms.)

Steps to Better Self-Esteem - Forums at Psych Central
Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central
Sexual and Gender Issues - Forums at Psych Central
Women-Focused Support - Forums at Psych Central
http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/

Hi there. My first thought was a question: Were you sexually abused in childhood? (You don't have to answer this.)

Thank you for responding. No, I wasn't, not at all.

I am concerned. I, too, suspect some psychological reason. I would encourage you to talk to a counselor about it.

Hi, it's nice to meet you I don't think any member here is qualified to diagnose or treat you and there is the possibility that something could be suggested to you that will cause more confusion... but I hope you find the support helpful. I agree with Payne that you might benefit from counseling or therapy. Your life is being affected by unhealthy compulsions that you don't understand and can't control.
And derealization is not something you should have to accept.

Clarification: When I say I feel like I need physical touch "all the time," that is not exactly what I mean. I mean that when I am with boys I'm attracted to I basically feel like I need physical contact all the time when I am with them, and am hyper aware of whether I'm being touched or not. If the boys aren't there, then the feeling that I need physical touch is not intense and at the very front of my mind, but often times I am vaguely aware of feeling [emotionally] cold in my body, and alone, and disconnected, and that physical touch is what I want.

And also, no, I have not been abused or anything like that as a child or ever.

Nice to meet you too! Thanks for your response. That is a good point that nobody here can diagnose me and might confuse me even more. I do need to talk to my therapist, I'm at college now and the one I see here kind of sucks so when I go home I guess I will talk to the one at home, though I don't like to talk about stuff that has to do with touching all that much, but I guess I'll have to. It didn't seem important before. Even though no one can diagnose me here, I guess I am concerned that I've never heard of anyone have this problem or whatever before, and I don't know if there's a name for it, and it makes me nervous when it feels like I'm the only one who feels this way. I guess I was kind of hoping that I could find out if other people feel this way, too.

Clarification: When I say I feel like I need physical touch "ALL THE TIME," that is not exactly what I mean. I mean that when I am WITH BOYS I'M ATTRACTED TO I basically feel like I need physical contact all the time when I am with them, and am hyper aware of whether I'm being touched or not. IF THE BOYS AREN'T THERE, then the feeling that I need physical touch is not intense and at the very front of my mind, but often times I am vaguely aware of feeling [emotionally] cold in my body, and alone, and disconnected, and that physical touch is what I want.

Hi again Though we can't diagnose you we can be supportive. And try not to confuse you with what we may think is the cause of your problems... I hope
It would surprise me if there isn't someone else here who has something going on like this. It may not be caused by the same things that caused yours but it may help still. It may not even matter if there's a name for it. It is what it is and whatever that may be can be helped. The DR sounds like it would really cause a lot of problems in your day to day life. I hope you keep posting and that you can find a therapist who can help you sort it out.
And there is one thing that I think a lot of us share with you... being uncomfortable talking about some of the things that bother us the most

Hi texascoco, I read your reply and immediately remembered something I read not too long ago. Here's my two cents on your matter: I think you may be neurotic. I am no expert, so don't take my words too seriously, but somehow your story made me think of this.
" ...the general picture is one of a vague anxiety, a need for affection or, more accurately, a need for some human contact. These persons have the feeling of drifting forlornly in the universe, and any human contact is a relief to them.” (The Neurotic Personality of Our Time, 1937, P. 117)"
"A neurotic’s needs a lot more intense than those of “normal” people, in reference to the first neurotic need, a neurotic expects both affection and approval to be constantly given to them by every individual they meet in their daily lives. They find it impossible to be self-sufficient unlike “normal” citizens. When a neurotic does not consistently experience both affection and approval they tend to feel rather anxious and uncertain of themselves".

Again, it doesn't suit your case 100%, but it seems accurate enough to me.
Hope it helps

credit: thelifeandworkofkarenhorney.wikispaces.com

Hi texascoco, I read your reply and immediately remembered something I read not too long ago. Here's my two cents on your matter: I think you may be neurotic. I am no expert, so don't take my words too seriously, but somehow your story made me think of this.
" ...the general picture is one of a vague anxiety, a need for affection or, more accurately, a need for some human contact. These persons have the feeling of drifting forlornly in the universe, and any human contact is a relief to them.” (The Neurotic Personality of Our Time, 1937, P. 117)"
"A neurotic’s needs a lot more intense than those of “normal” people, in reference to the first neurotic need, a neurotic expects both affection and approval to be constantly given to them by every individual they meet in their daily lives. They find it impossible to be self-sufficient unlike “normal” citizens. When a neurotic does not consistently experience both affection and approval they tend to feel rather anxious and uncertain of themselves".

Again, it doesn't suit your case 100%, but it seems accurate enough to me.
Hope it helps

credit: thelifeandworkofkarenhorney.wikispaces.com

Hello texascoco.. I can relate, I often date/hang out with guys and I only kind of like them or enjoy their company, like I don't feel like I can connect or relate to them and I'll always be wanting to cuddle or have sex with them the entire time we hang out. It's also the only thing I'm really interested in doing.. like I'm currently very focused on finding someone to hang out and cuddle/have sex with. I'm not sure if it's a sex addiction (although I am very sexual and can be very impulsive with it) and I haven't talked to my therapist about it either.. I just file it under debauchery and y'know it is a pretty good way to alleviate depression.. getting those neurochemicals and all.. not saying it's healthy. But I understand. ((((hugs))))

Oh thank you for posting. That makes me feel a little better that someone else gets what I'm feeling and has felt it too.

Does it bother you, feeling like you need that touch so much?

I am bothered by it because I don't understand it and feel it's not healthy, or effective, but honestly if I actually HAD that touch that I crave, my concern would go to the back burner, because I'd be getting what I want so why not enjoy it instead of be concerned? It's just that for me, sex often sort of feels like it's few and far between, or even if it's more or less regular (like once a week, which is still not enough), I often still won't get enough touch, because they won't touch me very much or for very long when we're not having sex.

If I was getting enough touch then I wouldn't be very bothered. But when I don't it just hurts and I get upset for not having it, and that's when it feels like it is a problem to me.

i think addicts have less dopamine and they take drugs to have feelings.
or maybe you didn't get as much touch as an infant and you have some kind of addiction

Pathogenic overactivity of the dopaminergic mesolimbic pathway in the brain—forming either psychiatrically, during mania,[17] or pharmacologically, as a side effect of dopamine agonists, specifically D3-preferring agonists[18][19]—is associated with various addictions[20][21] and has been shown to result among some in overindulgent, sometimes hypersexual, behavior.[17][18][19]