[njbjpdjadm221]

So I've come to the realization that I'm really good at faking happiness. I know how to fool people and hide my depression really well. So well that no one in my life knows except for one person who I knew it was safe enough to tell. I know that if I have a smile on my face, no one will ever think that I'm not happy. No one seems to even suspect that there's something wrong. If someone does comment that I look sad, I always deny it. I know it's wrong to lie and it's deceptive, but I've been hiding this for ten years and I can't stop lying about it. I wish I had enough courage to tell someone, but the thought of anyone finding out makes me extremely anxious.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by njbjpdjadm221

...the thought of anyone finding out makes me extremely anxious.

Understood. For me, a time came when I could no longer hide depression from those around me. Nevertheless, I do believe employing a "need-to-know" policy is best. And not everyone who needs to know needs to know everything.

Finding the right people to trust can be difficult and requires patience.

[shortandcute]

I know that's hard to have to go through that; not that we want to hide it or lie about it--it's just that people don't understand. I've also had to adopt a "need to know" policy. I used to tell people that I felt I could trust, but that kind of backfired. It's the hardest to tell my family.

[Pierro]

Like you I have two faces in a way, my "happy face", and my "real face" that only my very immediate family know about. You know I think your family may know more than you think !. For example it was weighing heavy on my mind that I hadnt told my dad and that made me even more sad. So, I told him in round about way. I said that I was feeling low at times, and he replied I thought you were a bit "moody" over the last few months. My brother died last august and I thought that he would be more worried, because he has enough to deal with. Something to think about . Best Wishes to you.

[r12jaq]

I hear what you are saying. I hide it well, but when cracks appear I go into meltdown, with 'fear' of being un-masked. It really sucks. In fact today I have realised that I have been in denial about how bad I feel. I thought I was getting better, but it appears I was misguided, by myself. Again. I too wish I could trust enough to open up.

[CharactorAssassin]

I fake being normal every day I am able to go outside. But i consider that some substance maybe be suppressing an emotion you are meant to feel. You are meant to cry. You are meant to have sexual feelings. But there are many substances we put in us keeping us from feeling natural things. Could be coffee, sugar, prescribed medications etc, alcohol cigarettes. These things are keeping us from experiencing true emotion. They are altering our behaviour in very suttle ways. When you have no feelings. Substances masking who we are. Such that we do not even know who we are. We do not know ourselves. We might not even be aware we have no feelings. And we are not regulating them because there is nothing to regulate. To me this is a type of atrophy where we need to learn to grow again and find who we are.

[Neversolost]

I feel like my whole life is fake now. I wake up each day with a strange feeling of deflation, thinking I can make it a good one ... But then I just fool everyone and then get anxious because I feel trapped in my own life lie.

[CharactorAssassin]

We grow up with it in us. It is in everything. We think of it as food. We have come to know of sugar as food. When in fact it is a substance so refined that we do not associate it as a drug. It affects the pleasure centres of our brains altering brain chemistry. It affects our behaviour. What is it? Waffles at the breakfast table with maple syrup. It is in everything. It is one more drug masking who we are. It is affecting us from childhood. We do not know who we are because of it. With a part of us missing. Making us no one. Who are we? Then as we go on we have abnormal behaviors and we continue to further mask our ability to feel and know ourselves. With substances down the aisle and over the counter. Then its the friendly stranger. The good old friendly stranger. And finally we end up at the psych. Where does it end? Right there at the side effect of death.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Pierro

Like you I have two faces in a way, my "happy face", and my "real face" that only my very immediate family know about. You know I think your family may know more than you think !. For example it was weighing heavy on my mind that I hadnt told my dad and that made me even more sad. So, I told him in round about way. I said that I was feeling low at times, and he replied I thought you were a bit "moody" over the last few months. My brother died last august and I thought that he would be more worried, because he has enough to deal with. Something to think about . Best Wishes to you.

I'm pretty sure my oldest sister knows, judging by "little" things she says and does; but then when I bring it up, she dismisses it.

[gracez]

Thanks for bringing this up everyone, I've never discussed it with anyone! I don't want to fake it, but like everyone else is saying with their depression or feelings, I do try to put on a happy public face as much as I can manage.

The most painful part like Neversolost just commented is also for me feeling like my whole life is fake. And it makes me feel more isolated. It's so nice to talk to or hear from people like hear on the forum who know what it's like, and I don't feel like I have to fake anything.

[adam_k]

I think to some degree a lot of people with mental illness "fake it" to fit in some of the time. There are a lot of people that misunderstand depression and think it is just feeling sad and can be fixed with a good movie or a piece of cake. I believe you have to have some type of support system for yourself. A group or at least a person that cares about you and you can talk to about how you are feeling.

I pretended to be happy in my teens for a couple of years until I got so depressed I hurt myself. I think if you ignore depression it doesn't do you good. You may have to fake being happy to keep a stable job or for certain events, but you should have someone you can talk to openly.