Lately things just get harder and i am like.. why....

okies.. well i guess this is the best place to start.. i'll just come out and say it.. I am very isolated.. I dont talk much except for a hand full of people i trust and care for.. I dont trust anyone. I have a very hard time trusting anyone due to issues with my childhood. because of that. I dont have many friends.

What "friends" i did have dont talk to me.. and when they do on facebook or texting.. its really superficial.. noting indepth or things that real friends do.. and im finally getting to where i cant take it anymore. this week end I sat bawling most of the time because I have no one. I dont want a romantic relationship. I am not looking for that.. I just want some friends.. who wont judge me or make fun of me.. or call me names..

Friends to go out and cruise around town with and look around.. not go out and get drunk or get high or anything stupid.. maybe go have a drink of pop or have a burger or something .. go look at the ducks in the park.. instead of going with the people from area mental health to do it..

i feel so alone.. the only people who are around me publicly are people who are paid to help me get around.. and help me get out of my wheelchair.. help me pay bills.. or help me do physical therapy.. I am sooo sick of it.. i just some times i just lay in bed.. i dont even want to get on my computer.. and my life is my computer.. I dont know what else i can do..

I am so sorry for how you're feeling, it's hard for me to give advice when I don't know your living situation or transportation situation. Are you able to get rides places?

Well right now i have to rely on the people from amh css or my care giver to give me rides to and from things like doctors appointments or physical therapy. or even just to go to the store and get groceries or meds. Heck.. I rely on my care giver for alot of things.. its really kind of embarrassing and degrading to me sometimes.. makes me feel less then what i think i should be..

Trying not to be a downer today.. I am feeling a bit better today. Just in a bit of pain right now.. I posted this message a couple of days ago and it just showed up lol I dont know why it took so long to show up.. Thank you for replying. I appriciate it.

I'm sorry, too, Beckieislonely. Life sometimes doesn't seem fair, but when we're given a lemon, the best thing to do is to try to make lemonade.

People here are mostly friendly and want to help. Please keep in touch for support and kindness.

I would think that meditation might be helpful, and I would make an effort to read
some material that is uplifiting spiritually.

I agree that the computer is a crutch of sorts, but there are some genuinely real
people who want to listen and to try to help. You'll recognize them when you see
them in your various efforts to reach good people who are naturally friendly.

Take care of yourself, and I hope your situation improves for you.

Thanks, yea... the computer is very much a crutch at this point in my life.. and the bad part of it is that the weather keeps changing. I dont wanna stay inside all the time but when i do go outside. all i can do is sit outside my apartment in my wheelchair or on the patio picknic bench maybe and just chill while the tempature is decent.. I dont mind listening to the birds chirp while i read a book on my phone. i kinda enjoy it.

its just it gets boring sometimes. ya know? I am hopeing that with this Physical Therapy stuff i am going too it will help me get out more and i can get a round more and make some friends.. Though.. the kind of person i am.. I am going to keep quiet and not like get too emotionally attached and throw out everything on them. kinda hard.. making friends.. I hate it.. I want it though.. I dont wanna be alone..

Hi Beckie,

I can see that it must be difficult for you to have to depend on people. You are still your own person, though. You are important!

Maybe you could join some sort of club that you go to once a week. Have you thought of volunteering somewhere? It sounds like something regular where you can interact with people would be really good for you.

What are some of your interests?

yea.. actually i have.. one of the bad things about living in a town like this.. not many things to do really.. i mean we have bingo or things like NA or AA. or other support groups. and stuff like that.. but i dont have money for bingo or the local casino.. nor the tolerance to sit that long in pain while they call out numbers.

Maybe if it was like arts and crafts or something fun. where I couldn't think about it.. yea.. but.. no.. we don't have any kind.

But thank you for your help. I just dont know what else to think of.