I want to be reckless. Is this common?

So I have a rather random question.

I've dealt with a lot of depression in the recent past (including ppd). I'm still struggling with it, but it seems to be getting a bit better. Lately though, I've had this strange urge to do something crazy and reckless. I'm not even sure what it would be, just something thrilling. And I feel as though I'm completely on the verge of something - but what that something is, I couldn't tell you.
Is this common with depression?

It might be different for individuals but I remember feeling that way in the early days of therapy, especially when I was going through my divorce. don't remember precisely what those urges were about though. probably just doing things out of the norm from my usual activities - things that I know would break rules from childhood, bad marriage, etc. Sometimes I drove recklessly - hind sight not a good idea....lol

I think so. Are you taking meds? I think some of them made me more impulsive. Otherwise I think you just want stimulation or something to make you feel better. I understand that. I haven't found anything that does that yet but maybe I'm not reckless enough.

lol I've always had kind of a led foot when it comes to driving- i've been trying to be a lot more careful as of recently, since I have a child who needs a Mommie I've been in therapy for quite a while now, and this "reckless" stuff just started in the past month or two. Not sure what it's about.

I am on meds, effexor XR. But it's a fairly low dose, and I've been on it for a while now. You might be on to something with the stimulation thing though.

For me, I think it's chasing something that makes you feel. Otherwise you just lie around and are void on the inside. Whether it's up or down, it seems like that's better than nothing.

Coming to Phoenix this weekend actually. Excited for some hot weather.

Well, you'll get plenty of hot weather

And you're right! I think it is "chasing something" that makes you feel. Lately, I've been (mentally) chasing something that I'm not even sure I want , or would be good for me...I've often wondered if it was just boredom, or depression making me want it.

Good thought, thank you!

LearningMe01, perhaps it's just feeling tired of the same old - same old?? slugging through every day at the same stuff and maybe not feeling like you're getting anywhere - a need to break out of whatever is molding you in at the moment? maybe it'd be good to get out of town for a week if you can or more. just a thought.

Thanks all. Still feeling this way, a bit....not as intensely though. And I did manage to keep myself from doing anything too reckless I cut my hair shorter, lol but that's pretty benign. And I am actually getting out of town for a week, by myself, so that will be a good thing.

reckless means showing no regard for danger or consequences, so.... smoking could be reckless, or maybe drinking to excess.

but it's more than that isn't it?

in my experience it might come from this:

if you do have a sense of worthlessness then perhaps after a while you internalise this to such an extent that you are prepared to destroy that which is perceived as worthless, yourself, through reckless acts. you are also socialised as well. so if life-events have caused your imbalance rather than chemicals, you are conforming to your society. there seems to be quite a correlation between say, social-economic class and desease, mental and physical.

try this analogy: slaves in ancient rome had much shorter and more miserable lives than the patricians. and the injustice(?) might well have driven some slaves mad, which hastened the slaves' demise. the patricians couldn't care less, one less mouth to feed.

if you can, another society, environment might help. and, if at all possible, you've heard this before, try to think positive about yourself.

Is it called mania? I'm not sure but I get that feel sometimes. I especially had it when stopping cymbalta. Was driving like a maniac. Note the word mania in maniac.

I get this every so often. I think, for me at least, it stems from pure frustration.
I am sick of being miserable and depressed, and being stuck in the house and isolating myself...sometimes i just get an urge to not give a s**t about anyone or anything, drive too fast, take illegal substances, drink too much, whatever it is.

I think i just crave something different, and an elevation in mood more than anything.

I still have alot to learn about depression, but I can see how that could be. I know for me, I've done some pretty reckless things in at attempt to "escape" my depression--kind of like I was using recklessness as a way of self-medicating.

Hey there,

I don't know if that is a common symptom, but I've definitely been there...when I was on medication I felt so flat that I would do some reckless things just to feel something. This included binge drinking while on meds, getting kicked out of bars, getting into fights, spending HUGE amounts of money on shopping to get a thrill...etc...but just in general I would do things that I wouldn't really do now...I am quite subdued by my own nature, and am a pretty quiet person.

EDIT: I just looked up and saw another reply from hopefortoday...I also believe that was the case, that I had no value for my own life when I would do these reckless things...for example, I would drink about 10 shots at a club and feel that it was perfectly fine to drive home. Looking back, I can't believe I would do that...it makes me cry when I think about it.

Thanks everyone! All of your responses are great. I wish I could find a new environment, but I'm kinda stuck here in a house we own, with a baby and a stressed out, cranky , non affectionate husband. I also have this "love thing" for my therapist (call it transference and I'll stomp on your toe...lol) I've never told her, nor will I...we have less than a years worth of time left together (she's a phd student and is graduating) and I don't want to mess it all up with "I think I'm in love with you, and have been for a while" I don't see a point in it, I understand how ethics work, and the boundaries that are put on therapist/client relationships...I'm pretty sure I know what she'd say anyway, so there's no point. But yea, that might have something to do with it also.

I have the same thing going on with my pdoc. He's a bit younger than me and is very athletic. He's also a family man who obviously loves his wife and kids so that makes him very attractive to me (plus he's unavailable). He is also an osteopath, so he works on my back a lot, too. But I try not to let him know about it.

All I know is, I want to be reckless to feel alive. Like, right now.