Worst day of my life.

I've had problems with depression and anxiety since my teens. I've been medicated for all of my adult life, and even though I've had some really horrible episodes in my life, I had my family to help me through them.

For the last year I've had pretty much no success with treating my symptoms. I've had to sell my car, and now I've lost my job. My family are supporting me financially, but I've just had the most unpleasant experience of my entire life.

My mother called me over this morning, and as I went up the stairs I could hear she was on the phone. Private phone-calls are private, but what I heard hit me like a sledgehammer. She said she doesn't want to be around me anymore.

She saw me standing there, and proceeded to end the call and sob her heart out about how she can't deal with me anymore. She even said she was considering sending me outside the UK to an island where my fathers business is based, so I could "stand on my own two feet".

I've only ever done this for her. She is the only reason I've carried on this far. And now she doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore. She said that when I was born, she knew I'd break her heart.

What do I do? Pretend that things are getting better and force happiness? I don't care about me, but I'd do anything in the whole world so that she doesn't cry about me again.

I don't have any friends, and I've spent most of the day mindlessly performing tasks. I just feel completely blown away. After a year of intense misery, this is just about finishing me off.

What do I do?

I'm sorry. That's a spirit-crushing blow.

Can you give yourself a little time to allow the shock to start to wear off before making any decisions or taking any action?

Welcome, Dominic99. Please keep posting.

Dominic, I don't know what to say, other than that I can't imagine what you're going through. Maybe sit down and talk as a family about what's going on?

You need to want to go on for yourself, not for someone else. The latter helps in those really bad episodes, but you need to find a reason for you to continue; where you want to go. Your family is financially-supportive, so at least you don't have money weighing on your mind.

Really, I don't know what to say, but I felt like I should reply. Let us know how things turn out. I hope for the best.

Hello, Dominic99.



It is good you became a member here at PC. This experience you described is like a loss because it is such a shock to you. If you have 5 accepted posts you can go to the chat rooms. It is good you know to post in the appropriate forum.
I will leave some links that may be helpful for you.

Grief and Loss - Forums at Psych Central
http://forums.psychcentral.com/grief...ort-forum.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/grief...-not-dead.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/other...oneliness.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/other...st-people.html
Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central
http://forums.psychcentral.com/rules...hat-rooms.html
Steps to Better Self-Esteem - Forums at Psych Central
http://forums.psychcentral.com/new-m...w-members.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...ns-loners.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/copin...-emotions.html
Community Feedback & Technical Support - Forums at Psych Central
http://forums.psychcentral.com/commu...ing-wrong.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/commu...-entering.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/anxie...rstanding.html

Dominic I'm sorry, Maybe your mother is dealing with something herself. I dont think you were meant to hear that conversation like that as it put your mother in a terrible spot, and of course you on the reciving end of a hammer blow. She probably feels like she has failed you ! Please talk to her some more. It's devastating for both of you and you don't want to part on bad terms. Tell her how you feel. Best wishes.

what you have gone through must have been devastating. I see your desire to want to appear better for your mother's happiness and while you have to do it for yourself, you can use this desire for motivation. you say you have gone a year with no change, but don't say how proactive you have been in your treatment. Obviously, what you have been doing isn't working and you need to advocate for yourself with your service providers for different meds, alternative treatment modalities until you find one you respond to. Most important, don't give up. I have wanted to die all my life and although it has taken many years of therapy and changing medications, my thoughts have finally shifted to wanting to live. I cant believe the change in my life. But I have worked hard for it and never gave up. you can too.

Dominic99, I feel like I was meant to read your post today so thanks for sharing. I've just been through something similar but no where near as harsh. My heart goes out to you. I think you sound very brave. I wish I had some magic words to help. Just know you are not alone. Not here.

Im so sorry to read that. Im sure you;re angry and also on the verge of a major depressive episode. I can only say that you have to talk to her and tell her that you're trying but you need help. That's the best advice I have. I wish you good luck. Like others have said, you;re not alone on here.

Thanks for replying everyone, I've been a bit preoccupied lately so I haven't been able to respond sooner.

To be honest, I still don't know what to do. I've tried 4 different medications in the past 12 months, and I've just been put on propranalol, although it seems to have lost its effectiveness after only the second day.

I just wanted to say thanks for your words of support.

Let's just keep on going.

Clearly you need to broaden you support system. Do you have anyone currently that could step in to help? I'm not familiar with your specifics but would a support group help for the emotional aspects you need? How much of your need is finance based? Do you have any interest in your father' business?

You have friends. Same here. I have found PC is often supportive and there are some amazing people here. Also perhaps you could make more effort to try to meet people who live near you; a hobby group? We have a singles group here that I go to once in while for dinner and a movie and similar. I haven't found romance there but that isn't my goal - I simply enjoy conversation with other adults and getting out of the house because I tend to be a hermit.

Best of luck. Perhaps buy your mom a card or some flowers as a thank you for all the support she has given you throughout your life. You only get one mom in life and it sounds like yours care deeply about your welfare.