[gracez]

Hello there, thanks for reading my post in advance. I don't exactly know what to write, because I always seem to write the same thing. I hate my life, feel completely hopeless every day and spend a lot of the day sobbing & in bed. Now anxiety is coming too. I don't have friends here where I'm living and don't have anyone in my life I can talk to regularly about what I'm feeling. I just thought I'd write and literally ask for support. Maybe I can make friends here? I feel so scared and overwhelmed, like I can't make it thru the day. Every day I do somehow, but it feels like I can't all day.

Thank you and hugs to all of you

[Fuzzybear]

[porcelainchild]

Heyahh,

Well done for reaching out for support, I am sorry to hear you feeling that way, could you find a therapist to talk too? I am here if you need to chat..

Claire..

[H3rmit]

> I hate my life, feel completely hopeless every day and spend a lot of the day sobbing & in bed.

I've felt like that SO OFTEN. Even this year and last year. Then I was able to find something I could fix, and I feel a bit better. It is hard to know what to do, and I don't blame you for collapsing. Come back more often and say how you feel. I've seen your posts, but can't remember anything specific, but I had a good feeling when I saw your name, so I am sure you can make friends to relate to here.

[kaliope]

I have been where you are at and can promise you that things can get better. I struggled every day with living and don't know how I managed, but somehow I made it thru each day. Now I am finally happy with life and things are going well. you can feel free to friend me and PM me anytime. I am pretty much on daily and don't mind chatting.

[adam_k]

I feel the same way a lot. I think the only thing that keeps me going is that i have to work to pay rent and buy food, and I have a wife I don't want to lose. Without those things I don't think I would get out of bed. I would just give up. I hope you can find something to fight depression for. I hope you find some relief soon. I am here if you want someone to talk to or vent. I find that helps me to have someone to talk to that isn't judgmental and is supportive.

oh, grace - i'm sorry things are so bad. when i was depressed to the point that i didn't get out of bed, i started making goals for myself. my first goal was to open the curtains in the living room everyday. that's it. just open the curtains, then go back to bed if i wanted. that was my goal for several days. the next goal i set for myself was to sit in the living room, even if it was only for a minute. eventually, i worked up to getting out of bed and hanging out in the living room on the couch for most of the day (with the curtains open). small goals, that i knew were attainable for me, helped me get out of bed for at least part of the day.

i don't know your situation, but are you able to get outside for a few minutes during the day? if you are, maybe try getting outside for a little bit each day. whether it's sitting on a deck, going for a walk, whatever - the fresh air is refreshing. seeing things like birds and trees (or whatever the scenery is where you are) can hopefully lighten things up, if only for a little bit. all that being said, i know the struggle of getting out of bed, and that doing anything, let alone going outside, can seem impossible. being outside, usually with music playing, was really beneficial for me.

i hope things start looking up soon.

(i don't want to imply that small changes in my routine, by themselves, were enough for me (though they were significant and helpful). i was regularly seeing a psychiatrist and was on meds.)

[Fuzzybear]

Hi gracez, thinking of you today. I often feel the same way....hope we can chat some time

[gracez]

Hi Claire,

thanks so much for responding. I'd love to chat sometime if you're open to being in touch.

I've been searching for a therapist since end of December, which is very frustrating. I'm uninsured and still unemployed and believe it or not, I can't get free services in my area, which isn't fair. I am however on a waiting list, which there is 3 more months to wait.

How are you?

Thanks,

Grace

Originally Posted by porcelainchild

Heyahh,

Well done for reaching out for support, I am sorry to hear you feeling that way, could you find a therapist to talk too? I am here if you need to chat..

Claire..

[RomanSunburn]

Grace, I also can understand what you're going through right now. I'm in a bit of a slump myself right now. But I'm trying to make small changes, like writing down something I'm grateful for every day and taking walks. It's hard to think of something to fight the depression for, like Adam suggested, but it's what I"m trying to do now, too.

I hope you're able to find a therapist sooner than three months (or the waiting list just magically disappears...).

Keep reaching out. It's encouraging to others as much as it's helpful for you.

[learningursula]

I have been there and done that, I went to the doctor and explained to him what was going on, He told me it sounded like depression , I have depression, and I use to feel that way, I am on medication for my depession now and also Bipolar , try to stay from negative people . and talk your fears out

[gracez]

Hi everyone who responded,

Thanks so much for responding, and right away. I'm sorry that I didn't write back right away. It means so much to me that you answered my call for support. I've gotten a fever and just haven't been up to doing much of anything.

I don't have a therapist, I wish I did & it's not for lack of research. At some point maybe. It's ridiculous in my city. Currently I'm unemployed & uninsured, without personal savings. I've been looking for a job for months, and find occasional work at least like housecleaning maybe once a week. I am eagerly waiting on the waiting list for a place that provides 6 mos. Of free counselling. I also don't have a dr. since I'm uninsured, etc. but got a prescription thru a crisis centre, first for Celexa, which I waited for 2 mos on but didn't work. Now I've tried Zoloft for 6 weeks, not feeling any better. II will be able to pay for a doctor's visit when I get a prescription that is working for me so he/she can see me & continue the prescription but cannot pay for counselling.

What else? This goes on for me every day without fail, feeling this awful. I don't enjoy anything any more or have any interests anymore. I force myself to get interested in a novel or movie online, but that's about it. I am eating well. I was walking every day, but stopped a couple of mos. Ago. I thought of someone's suggestion here to get outside everyday and I'm sitting in the sun right now. Haven't been doing this. There's a rose bush in the yard & I went to look at it, smell it because I know roses are beautiful. But I couldn't feel any pleasure.

Adam, I appreciate what you said about you have to get out of bed to work to pay rent, and for your wife. I'm glad that at least gets you through, but of course I wish you were feeling better. The concept of just getting thru is really hard for me to accept. It doesn't seem bearable to just let the days pass like this, one day blending into the next hating the day. And like you said I have not found anything to hang on for. Someone asked me “what gets me thru” - & nothing does get me thru. The time just simply passes, simply.

I don't spend all day every day in bed, though that would be my preference. I always do something or other, like shower & ake food, clean something around the house, or sometimes like yesterday a day of work. But it never helps me feel better just because I've done something. So I don't see the point.

It's encouraging to hear that some of you have “been there”, like learningursula, and are managing better now, but you know how you when you don't have any faith in yourself you don't think that that can happen for you? The wish to keep trying or doing anything has been knocked out of me at this point, maybe I'm too far gone or will never feel any better. I've read from some people on the forums that they've been depressed for years & years. That possibility really scares me.

I didn't want to write 8 responses and flood the forum so wrote this way instead, but I am appreciating each response. Thanks for reaching out back to me. Maybe I will be able to talk some over PM.

Take care, sending hugs

Grace