[pepcat]

I still haven't called my doc yet to say i'm depressed. Don't really see the point. If I were getting treated it won't really fix anything.

1. Currently unemployed. Second lay off in 5 years. First time lasted 19 months. At 9 months and counting on this one. That hundreds of applications. I don't think anyone around me understands what being told "No we don't want you" that many times does to a person.

2. My family has no respect for me and doesn't care what happens to me. That's my own fault. Never should have come home when i got out of the military. I was in the military about a year before i stopped having the nightmare about my family trying to kill me. The nightmares were triggered by what they did to me during the day. What made me think they would ever love me? (another version of "no we don't want you")

3. Plastic people and fake friends. I'm not sure I've ever had a real friend. There was a group of people I've been hanging around for almost 2 years. Sunday that all came to an end. Been getting some rude and disrepectful behavior directed at me recently. Tried to ask our little "group leader" for help. Figured he was a good place to start since he was doing it too. He sent me an email stating he did nothing wrong and go away. This was after he talked with some members of the group. I thought these were my friends. I was so wrong. Friends would have included me in the discussion. Friends would have respected me. (yep "no we don't want you")

4. I've always been the dog people kick when they have a bad day. No one has ever loved me or cared about me. When i die no one will care or miss me. Once upon a time I thought i was smart and had value. Truth is I'm worthless and stupid. People have been trying to tell me the truth for years. I was just to dumb to understand. I used to sing "I am woman, hear me roar". Now its I am woman = I am nothing.

[Trippin2.0]

You are N0T nothing...
People suck, but we can't let them decide our worth. You have PC, you're not alone, I'm sure many understand what you're going thru. Please notify your Dr of your suffering, you are definitly worth the effort.
.
Please take care of yourself. Gentle (((hugs))), if that's ok.

[pepcat]

Thanks for the hug. I just realized there is another reason I don't want to call my doc. I hate the thought of going to therapy and having to talk with someone about my depression. Don't like those kind of people. Don' trust them.

Back in 4th grade i got into trouble for sending hate mail to a classmate. When i was asked about the letter I told the truth. Did anyone believe me? No. The school officials believed him and the others. You see they all came from nice 2 parent homes and i from a single parent home. So a child like me from a broken home wasn't capable of being honest. I was a bad egg, nothing but trouble.

So the best way to fix the bad child was to send her to counseling each week. I could talk about anything i wanted except being harassed and molested by my classmates. They had also taken away my ability to fight back. See anything i did to them was further proof i was a bad child.

[Trippin2.0]

That's terrible! So sorry you were subjected to that but that at the same time I assure you that there are therapists who know what they're doing, it's a matter of finding the right fit, sorta like buying new jeans, you gotta keep trying them on till you find the 1 for you.
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I really hope you reconcider, I really think it would be beneficial for you.

[pepcat]

I'm gonna call my doc on Monday. For no other reason than I'm tired of crying all the time. I think my left eye will eventually close if i don't do something. The crying got worse after I lost my group of friends. When it gets around the time we used to hang out its really bad for me. There are really only about 3 or 4 bad apples in the group. Problem is if i stayed i would be listen to the others complain about the bad ones. Don't really want to hear it. They prefer to suffer in silence. I think if there is a problem with friends you should talk about it. I did that and was told to go away. I guess it just hurts knowing I made a stupid mistake in thinking i had a friend. I feel so foolish.

The most pitiful part is spending time with these people was the only thing i had left to look forward to. It was the only fun thing i had left. It wasn't all bad. When I had to leave the group I had nothing left at all.

[Trippin2.0]

Losing friends is a hard 1, but on the upside we get to make new friends, better friends. It's not easy but definitly doable. I'm glad you've decided to see your Dr. XOXO

[ManicDad]

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. If it's any consolation, I feel that way a lot of the time too. It sounds like you've been hanging out with some real assholes. I won't even dare suggest that you just get some more friends --- I know how much it pisses me off when people say that to me. I know how deeply the rejection hurts. I have a huge rejection complex myself.

All of that to say, I promise, you are not alone. We might not know each other, but I really do understand where you're coming from and if there's anything you ever wanna talk about or anything, feel free to PM me.

[pepcat]

Originally Posted by ManicDad

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. If it's any consolation, I feel that way a lot of the time too. It sounds like you've been hanging out with some real assholes. I won't even dare suggest that you just get some more friends --- I know how much it pisses me off when people say that to me. I know how deeply the rejection hurts. I have a huge rejection complex myself.

All of that to say, I promise, you are not alone. We might not know each other, but I really do understand where you're coming from and if there's anything you ever wanna talk about or anything, feel free to PM me.

So somebody gets it. Really don't want to make new friends. Too much trouble and the outcome will be the same.

Having a bad moment of weakness so I came here to post. Almost time to hang out with the gang and i so want to go back. Don't care if I don't get the apology. I miss them. They will meet up in a few hours and i won't be there. Sad ain't it.

[SSaysRelapse]

Remember that your depression is strengthened by your apprehension and misplaced distrust of a proper mental health professional.

Secondly, start to remind yourself that people aren't your "friends" if they are unwilling to try and pull you up when you are down. "Fair weather" friends are not people you should want to, or need to, associate with. Yes, it hurts like hell to admit to that realization about a person, or persons, but it's the first step to overcoming that need for people that you do not need.

And remember, you are never alone. It's the depression that wants you to feed into that horrid feeling, and it's only you that can overcome.

[pepcat]

Originally Posted by SSaysRelapse

Remember that your depression is strengthened by your apprehension and misplaced distrust of a proper mental health professional.

Secondly, start to remind yourself that people aren't your "friends" if they are unwilling to try and pull you up when you are down. "Fair weather" friends are not people you should want to, or need to, associate with. Yes, it hurts like hell to admit to that realization about a person, or persons, but it's the first step to overcoming that need for people that you do not need.

And remember, you are never alone. It's the depression that wants you to feed into that horrid feeling, and it's only you that can overcome.

I'm sorry but i don't have misplaced distrust of proper mental health professionals. The person I dealt with in 4th grade was fully qualified to say I was a liar based on a negative sterotype. You see therapists are human just like everyone else and make mistakes all the time. No one on this forum can promise i won't run into another bad therapist.

I wasn't diagnosed with asthma until i was 29(teacher in college noticed symptoms). And IBS until 39(problem first noticed at age 11). I have a lot of experience with doctors making mistakes. Also how cruel and nasty they can be. I had some horrible things said to me on my way to being diagnosed with IBS.

The moment of wanted to go back to those people passed. It didn't take long. All it really took was remembering i was told to go away in an email. This person's opinion of me was so low he wouldn't even talk to me. With friends like that who needs enemies.

[Serotonin]

Originally Posted by pepcat

3. Plastic people and fake friends. I'm not sure I've ever had a real friend.

I can relate to this so much. I came to a similar conclusion many years ago. The fact is many people are false, they are fake, they are phonies; they are shallow, disingenuous, actors, and many of them selfish, egotistical, corrupt and rotten to the core, and that's why I'm a chronic loner, a social recluse, and a misanthrope.

I see it and experience it every day: the contrived, fake, phony people, and their little control dramas. I'm not sure if I've ever had a real friend either, in fact I'm pretty certain I have not. People are fickle, their transient friendship is usually born out of selfish motives, and there is not one person in this life that I would trust with my life, as even the most seemingly genuine of people have turned out to be fraudsters.

There are genuine people out there, but by Christ they are hard to find.

Originally Posted by pepcat

4. I've always been the dog people kick when they have a bad day. No one has ever loved me or cared about me. When i die no one will care or miss me. Once upon a time I thought i was smart and had value. Truth is I'm worthless and stupid. People have been trying to tell me the truth for years. I was just to dumb to understand. I used to sing "I am woman, hear me roar". Now its I am woman = I am nothing.

You have low self-esteem, and that is a major symptom of depression. People may or may not care about you, but when you are in the depressed state you feel worthless, and that's a by-product of depression.

I felt like nothing for many years, it was only when my depression began to lift and I experienced the consequent rise in self esteem that those feelings of being inferior and worthless began to dissipate.

Maybe you really are alone and no-one really does care about you. If so, fear not, you are not alone.

[manwithnofriends]

(block me for bumping this if you want to, but) having read this thread, now I know why I don't have friends: same as above, I don't trust anyone. And that's what makes people not trust me.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((( pepcat )))))))