[Consumed84]

Hi everyone,

I am 29 years old. I managed two years of college before I dropped out due to my Major Depressive Disorder. Then I tried working odd jobs - I think I've worked at about five different places... but the longest I stayed was for six months at Petsmart before I became too depressed to keep on and quit. That was in 2008, and I haven't had a job since then.

I feel very useless and ashamed because I cannot hold a job; in the US a person's "worth" in society is more based on his productivity and wealth than in other countries/cultures.

I am curious to know how many of you are unable to work due to depression, if this undermines your own self-worth, etc. How do you make yourself feel productive if you are too depressed to leave your own house most of the time (that's me at the moment)?

Thanks all!

[Pierro]

Hi Consumed, I'm off work with the last 3 months because of depression. I'd rather have a broken arm or leg, something you could see. The mental aspect of things is much worse, smile and keep it all in. Oh boy did it come out. Best Wishes to you

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Hi! Now the doctors believe I am depressed but quite honestly I'm not. I really feel for you as I remember being depressed and it is horrible!

I'm not depressed but I have all the signs and symptoms, apart from the general sadness. None the less I have every physical symptom of depression and it is absolutely horrible. I have no motivation to do anything. My anxiety is what gets to me and because of it I simply can no longer work.

So I filed disability but in the mean time I am working on hobbies, and with those hobbies I have created an etsy account and am trying to sell them on etsy to make some money while I await disability. Perhaps you can find a hobby that helps you feel better and you too could turn around and profit from it? You wouldn't need to tell anyone you were out of work but could tell them you are starting your own adventure and trying to make your own business? Just a thought.

[newlifeyeah]

i'm off work too. whenever I try to work, I get physically exhausted.

[Hellion]

Depression is part of the reason I am unable to work, not the only one though.

Also I think basing someones worth on their 'productivity' and wealth is crap, so you can see what I think of society and its wealth based heirarchy...but yes in some other countries its not nearly as bad in that sense...it seems community is encouraged a bit more in some other places.

And I don't always feel productive, and I just remind myself its ok not to be productive 24/7 or at least I try to but I end up feeling kinda useless too if my symptoms are keeping me from doing things .

[Consumed84]

Hellion, totally agree about the society and wealth based hierarchy here vs. in other places. :/

Anyway once thing I noticed is that once I stopped working, various people would try to get me to volunteer at places. I'm like, "That's a bit like work without pay and I *still* get exhausted mentally doing it." /random

I am blessed to own a beautiful horse that I ride for therapy when I am up to it. I run a spiritual blog. I play World of Warcraft which kinda simulates productivity with quests... but in the end I know it's just a game.

My bipolar alcoholic father has always based a person's worth on wealth and productivity so that's probably one of the reasons I have such an issue with myself not working. It's comforting to know that I am not the only one who can't work due to depression (and yeah, Pierro, I used to tell my mother I wished I had a broken leg that everyone could see and not depression).

[Bluegerbera1]

I have worked continuously in the same demanding job for almost 20 years but this episode has had me signed off work for the last 3 months and I can't imagine being up to going back. It's so weird because one day I was 'fine' and then I was off. It has been really sudden and I still don't understand what happened to trigger this depression

[Fuzzybear]

[sewerrats]

I worked all my life since leaveing school with depression and anxierty, i was a bricklayer . Made great money has with anxierty did everything twice has fast has others before i would simple burn out, make it till weekend the be drunk out my head from friday night till monday morning while i recharged myself i live like that for 40 years, with the odd breakdown . Later i used benzos has things go worse, then AD,S with them till major breakdown 6 years ago havent worked since i carnt i am compleaty burnt out. Spent time in mental hospital that made me worse , now i cruz along in between relasp and remission, fishing , mountain bikeing , hammering out music, no more alchol or i will die . So yes you can do anything with cronic illness but its painful .

[hopeless22]

Hi! I know what u going through since am experiencing the same thing,and people are just mean even if its not deliberate. They be like, I don't see what's stopping u from working coz u don't look ill to me. If only they knew!

[Abby3622]

I am at home now too. On an absence of leave from work, due to major depression, anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD. It's tough. At any given moment I would just burst out in tears and my blood pressure would sky rocket, which is bad, I was diagnosed with Hypertension Oct 2012. So the doctor has got me going to the right people right now and I am a military vet, so I am doing a lot with them too.

Just hang in there and do things for yourself, for now. I found this place because in between some appts, I need to share and so much want to try to help others. It gives me a lot of relief.

So your not alone. I also try to keep busy with some crafting and I also started like this journal, from the beginning of time...I try to type in it every day, what I went through, what I go through, my feelings, etc. It keeps me busy...but in a few areas, it makes me feel better.

BIG :::HUGS:::

[Sadley]

You can count me also. I just went on a leave of absence because I need to be partially hospitalized for major depression. I might be off for 3 months, I don't know for sure. It is really hard living with depression. It has taken over my whole person. It has taken over my body and my co-workers began to notice how much difficulty I was having. I try to explain it to them but it only gets more frustrating. It is hell.

[sewerrats]

Originally Posted by Sadley

You can count me also. I just went on a leave of absence because I need to be partially hospitalized for major depression. I might be off for 3 months, I don't know for sure. It is really hard living with depression. It has taken over my whole person. It has taken over my body and my co-workers began to notice how much difficulty I was having. I try to explain it to them but it only gets more frustrating. It is hell.

Once they find you the right med, you will start to get your life back.

[shortandcute]

I can't work because of my depression either. I've called in sick a lot because of it. I have a really hard time making my self appear presentable because I'm too depressed to care, so that doesn't help in my job search. Plus I have anxiety and social phobia, so I screw on interviews. I've messed up a lot at work because my depression has caused me to not be able to focus.

I am 50 years old and have a total of, maybe, about 8 years experience! And there have been long gaps of no employment, too.

I can't.

[Clara22]

Hi Consumed84,
I have been able to work during depression, but my performance is very low. I am ashamed because I am far beyond my work plan and it seems there is nothing I can do to improve my production. I do not live in the US (I did, I was there from 2001-2012, with some parentheses) but everywhere around the world is becoming like you guys, as you are the dominant culture right now. All the pressure you have been experiencing for decades and decades we are now immerse in, and, believe me, it is worse for us. In any event, for different reasons i cannot explain right now, I still have a job, despite my shortfalls. But that does not make me happier, although I think if I were without a salary I would feel worse than now and more desperate. Last week I had to travel to work, and I did it quite well. This was because the job was interacting with people and prepare some short writings (which is easier) and not having to write or edit long documents by myself, or other task that are really stressful to me right now, things that i enjoyed doing 5 years ago but that now feel like extremely difficult, stressful, etc. i just cannot deal with them. They scare me even before starting to think about them. And they pile pn my desk, and the pile becomes taller and taller, and I spend the day just looking at the pile, or having 5 doc open at the same time, not working productively in any of them. I get warning emails and calls. it just save me that my team leader is a procrastinator herself, and I think she is going through depression as well, so, in fact our group is kind of a mess. While in previous years I managed to finish stuff somehow, I am not sure what is going to happen at the end of my year this time. Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to share how I feel, and good luck with your feelings! i hope for you and for me the same, to feel better soon

[Cheshire Grin]

I have been unemployed for 14 years now. When I was young, I was grooming myself for a demanding career in the arts. I was doing well in college until my junior year, when anxiety and depression finally took over my life.

People have always told me that I'm "very bright" and "sensitive" and suggest that I will someday go back to school and have a career, after all. I feel as though, because I can express myself intelligently, perhaps even be charming, that therapists and doctors can't see how much pain I am in. Even when I am doing everything I can to take good care of myself, I still don't have the energy or courage to go back to school, let alone get a job. When I have tried to take college classes again, I usually end up withdrawing or dropping out because I have a lot of difficulty with my memory and the anxiety becomes intolerable.

I feel so hopeless.

The last time I tried to get a job, I got no calls after submitting applications. It's been over a decade since then, so I feel there's no way to explain what I have been doing with myself since then, even if I had the energy to try again.

[sewerrats]

This may sound corny , when i worked for all those years i had a therory that worked. POWER NAP at dinner time while every body is ofF doing there thing for 1 hour, power nap to the next work time . Its amazing just nap make a hell of a dIffernce. And if you struggling in the morning you no you have you nap to come so peace of mind