ever been told....

Have you ever been told fake it till you make it? I've been faking happiness for 20 years still haven't made it but my faking has gotten to good to be noticed. Only person who can spot the fake is my partner and she can't always. I'm tired of pretending but I can't stop. Work expects me a certain way family too.... how can I show true feelings if they aren't "good". I might be put inpatient soon thoughts need to clear up. Sorry if this doesn't make sense.

Hello, Tigersassy.
Yes. I faked it as best I could until I crashed and burned. So it didn't work for me, unless crashing and burning was the "making it" they were talking about.

Yeah, doesn't work for me. I don't really believe in it. But something different for everyone.

I'm crashing now. Afraid of losing my job... afraid of myself more than anything because of how I'm slipping. Maybe going back to therapy now is a little too late. I called in sick to work. Was up until about 2 hours before I had to start getting ready to go to work and I needed sleep. Doesn't matter much.... once my Dr finds out about the thoughts in my head I'll be inpatient before I blink.

I was told fake it till you make it, but you have to be one hell of an actor to pull it off. Lucky for me, I am. My husband can't tell I am in depression nor mania. Or if he can, he's awful quiet about it.

I think faking it is a necessary evil sometimes. Crying historically, or sitting in a corner and zoning out isn't the social norm so we have to fit in the best we can to seem normal, but it takes a toll and a lot of energy to do. I feel so drained. I hate the question people ask me all the time at work, "how are you doing." I just want to say I think life is meaningless and I hate myself, but I don't think anygood would come out of that, so I just say I'm fine. I think we need some enviroment we can express how we truly feel and talk openly about it without backlash or having our feeling invalidated.

I wish I knew how to accomplish this, but it seems like anyone I have ever tried to be open with are supportive and helpful at first and then just get upset because I'm not feeling okay fast enough or they get tired if hearing complian.

I noticed something the other day, I was at the store with my wife, we planned on seeing a movie but she changed her mind and we went to buy a DVD instead. Then she started getting upset that we were browsing too much and she wanted to go. Then when I got upset she told me not too. "please don't get upset is what she said". It made me feel really invalideted. Like I don't have a right to be angry or upset. It's not like I was even yelling or being negative to her, but she didn't want me to express what I felt. I think a lot of people my whole life have done this to me. Neglected how I felt because they didn't care about my feeling.

I wish I knew how to not fake it, but it seems to be the only thing I know how to do. My only hope is a find some meds that make me feel less miserable and that therapy helps me.

No one has ever told me to literally fake it--but at my old job as a hairstylist I pretty much had to fake it in order to make it. My bosses called me out for being quiet and not bubbly. Honestly I think I only "made it" there was because I cut hair good, not because clients had any personal connection to me. I am super conscious about making sure I don't appear depressed at work or school. But when I get home I am super exhausted and need to go to bed. I find it's hard work to fake it, and eventually one thing leads me to crack...then it all comes pouring out and people find out who I really am.

yep my first psychologist told me that in 1983, I was hoping that they didn't say that anymore. otherwise I have been a loser for 30 years cause I can't fake it everyday.

Hello! I think I probably know how you feel at the moment! What you need is to grab yourself, easy for me to say, right? It has probably been absolutely terrible to live in such a situation, you have to try to be honest with yourself, what do you want? I hope you find a solution! The tears come when I read what you have written, even in a situation where I can not see the bright side of life.

Faking it till I make it does not seem to work, I never seem to make it...and just burn out and crash. I do still have the habit of sort of masking how terrible I actually feel, but that developed as a defense mechanism so it would be harder for people to figuratively kick me when I am down.

I am considering the psych ward myself or rather telling my therapist how I really feel to find out if she thinks it would be wise or not, because I am running out of ideas as to what to do with myself too much on my mind and there is too much stress, its even causing physical symptoms. Also I am over-straining myself by faking that I am more ok than I am and its only a matter of time before all mental hell breaks lose...and I can't fake anything. The main reason I am sure of this is it's happened more than once.

Why do we have to fit in the best we can to seem normal? I mean I tend to mask how bad I feel......but it would be impossible for me to seem 'normal' not to mention why should people have to be 'normal' if they aren't?

Hellion,

I have spent a whole lot of time faking it. I find it to be exhausting. Rather than trying to appear "normal", I stay home. I am retired and I understand there are times you just can't stay home. When I am depressed, I spend as little time as possible interacting with others. I don't even talk on the phone when it is bad. I have learned to love texting.

I have 2 friends whom I've educated on depression. They used to try to coax or cajole me into doing what they wanted. They now realize there are times I need to be alone. It is nice to be able to be honest and have them accept me.

Hang in there,

Sabra