[Grey Matter]

Up; saw some family.
down; intrusive thoughts that will not stop.

[themonster7]

I finally saw a therapist. I guess that's an up. He has me tracking my moods and my anxiety levels and what not, but I'm still feeling worthless. I don't feel like I deserve to be on this forum, I don't have enough reasons to be depressed, I just am. Still trying to talk to my friend and she's still ignoring me. It's hard to know I ran her off. Everyday is just another struggle.

[PinesofRome]

Up -) mom is all moved into her new
assisted living home w/ strict controls --
I think we have a plan for everything to go better for her!
Up -) I will be visiting 2 X a week on
the same days -- Wednesday & Sunday -- the
routine will help keep her stable - that
is the plan.
Up -) my oldest brother was in town
from AZ, so he & I visited w/ mom
today.
Up -) stopped by the community
college & told my instructor about the
about whole ordeal w/ my mom; the instructor is very
supportive in giving me plenty of time
to finish the Anthro1 class from the
semester.which ended in June. I want to give this one ++ UP -)
because my anxiety really dropped after I talked w/ her!

I thank The Creator for all things
including Ups & Downs; I have faith
that everything has a purpose!

& for everyone on PsychCentral, I thank you & Love you all as well, Pines of Rome

[PinesofRome]

Plan for tomorrow:
Thursday, August 1st, 2013 --
1) up at 5am
2) coffee, then meditation & prayers
3) take bus/train to Union Station
(bring books & study enroute)
4) buy transit pass for August ($84)
5) take train/bus to pick up Prius at
the Terraces.
6) back at truck/trailer/dogs by at
least 3pm
7) walk dogs
8) call mom at 7pm
Thank you; Love you all, Pines of
Rome

[phaset]

I think I'm feeling good. I started medication last week (effexor) and it's given me a ton of energy. I think it's just a side effect as the energy started immediately. In addition to that, I think my mood has improved. Yesterday I was feeling sad at times but it wasn't overwhelming. I was only taking half of what was prescribed for the last week, but started taking the full dose today. I feel like I've had 4 cups of coffee! This is the fifth antidepressant I've been on and the only time I've had anything positive from one.

[tokiwartooth]

Still getting over pneumonia, but feeling better.

[herethennow]

left work early today by 30 minutes because i don't know whether i could stand another 30 minutes without breaking down completely.. stared blankly on the way home trying to contain it all inside. luckily the people at work are understanding and supportive so.. i'm hoping to not abuse it. i don't know whether i can make it through another work day. i hope so...

feeling quite sui lately and this is not a good sign. si has been more frequent... think next pdoc appt i shall try my best to work up the courage to change the meds. :/

[Rachel.i]

I hate how I often act like I have no human rights. When I do calmly assert myself, like today, when I made a call requesting my pdoc to call me (which I've never done in two years of seeing her), they took it fine. What a number being abused as a kid can do to the rest of one's life. No response necessary, been venting a lot here recently. Sorry.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by Rachel.i

I hate how I often act like I have no human rights. When I do calmly assert myself, like today, when I made a call requesting my pdoc to call me (which I've never done in two years of seeing her), they took it fine. What a number being abused as a kid can do to the rest of one's life. No response necessary, been venting a lot here recently. Sorry.

You don't need to apologize. Vent away!

UPS
Just got paid today...whoopie
DOWNS
After alimony payment and rent I am broke

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by Rachel.i

I hate how I often act like I have no human rights. When I do calmly assert myself, like today, when I made a call requesting my pdoc to call me (which I've never done in two years of seeing her), they took it fine. What a number being abused as a kid can do to the rest of one's life. No response necessary, been venting a lot here recently. Sorry.

I remember hearing that what kids learn by age 6 will stay with them for life. I don't know if that's so, but I think that things which get reinforced over and over and over to us become our truth. My mama died when I was 3 years old. Beginning then and continuing to now, I've always felt like I was a burden to everyone around me.

I know you said you didn't need a response, but I wanted to let you know that I relate to what you're saying and that your venting often helps me figure out stuff in my own life.

(((((Rachel)))))

[lindammarie]

Having trouble concentrating or focusing today. I have got to figure out a way to trick my brain!!!

[tigerlily84]

While my car is out of commission, I am borrowing my brother's car while he is on his honeymoon. He will be back this weekend. And my grandma has graciously volunteered her car starting once he gets back so I can take my time while searching for a new(er) car. Did I ask for this? Absolutely not. I would never have asked because I have such a difficult time asking for help. Maybe because I don't feel that I deserve to be helped. I don't want to be a burden.. to anyone. Logically I know that I probably am not, but I still feel that way. Maybe what I need to do is to learn to be more gracious.

[angryworld]

Miserable day. Worthless. Waste of time and effort.

[Rachel.i]

I have tried so much. I loved you so much. Yet you take my love and want to twist it around. I don't think I can take anymore of this ,"sister." My heart hurts so much..You'd be happy to see my soul destroyed. Why,,,????? Cannot type correctly on this phone, more I wanted to say...

[possum220]

So, my p'doc is now back at work from having four months off this year. It feels like he hasnt been here at all this year. So I cancelled my first appointment with him. I dont want to see him, I dont want to talk to him.

[themonster7]

Dark and endless.

Looking Up

[shortandcute]

I am in a lot of pain right now. I had a real bad day yesterday. I took a required SS mental capacity test, and even tho I was honest, I just know its gonna look like I lied. I wish I could get something for my pain other than prescription Ibuprofen!!!! >

[PinesofRome]

Worklist - Fri. Aug 2nd, 2013
1) Wake at 6am
2) coffee, feed dogs
3) meditate/pray (done by 8am)
4) call VA/ ? Dr. Fisher ?
5) call about mom's INR check
6) call mom
7) finish article about Ardi
8) walk dogs
9) feed dogs
10) dinner
11) daily report
12) sleep by 9pm
Thanks; check in tomorrow, Pines of
Rome

UPS
Well hellooooo Friday!
DOWNS
What hapened to all my money and how the heck am I supposed to pay my rent?
Geeze!

[onionknight]

Once again, I am so tired. By evening, I felt so run down, I just wanted to collapse in bed and sleep.

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

I am in a lot of pain right now. I had a real bad day yesterday. I took a required SS mental capacity test, and even tho I was honest, I just know its gonna look like I lied. I wish I could get something for my pain other than prescription Ibuprofen!!!! >

i'm not sure what kind of pain you are in but have you tried turmeric? it is good for inflammation. or have you considered medical marijuana?

[tokiwartooth]

I have a sore on my gum and it hurts really bad

[jegsu01]

I am still feeling pretty depressed, but with my mom home I have to hide the way I am feeling. I am still having feeling to SH/SI.