[herethennow]

i got an acceptance letter into a university and i don't know whether i should feel happy or sad... i don't feel anything at all.

[Turtleboy]

very mixed feelings today, up down and the rest

[Rachel.i]

Well, I saw my T yesterday. Don't know if it helped a lot because I already know I'm through with that 30-year toxic relationship with the couple. Am continuing to try to excise them from my mind. I've been doing pretty well at it, with some slips.

They are still playing their nasty games though, like recruiting one of their kids to post a picture with a filthy caption on my FB wall. I just deleted it, and him, and considered the source. He's a HS dropout, 32, in & out of jail over 50 times, no work history, four kids from four different mothers, etc. My kids are mostly younger with solid educations and good jobs and in stable long-term relationships. They aren't perfect of course, but neither would they post that kind of crap even if I wanted them to. So it didn't get to me as I'm sure they wanted it to. It does show their mentality though, and how much I so don't need them.

I see some reasons I let them back in my life a third time, but none are valid; our long history, the husband's illness, my having fundamentalist parents who carry the Bible to an extreme, and an abusive father who treated us kids as objects. And, my own failure to enforce boundaries. My mother still says I need to follow the Golden Rule. I said there's no way I am treating people so well when they treat me so bad. I know people in my life, or I, will also sometimes act toxic since we are human, but I do not want any more chronic ones like that. And these days there seem to be more and more of them around.

I have a really good husband who doesn't play stupid mind games, a few good siblings, my kids, a couple kind neighbors, and some women I haven't known nearly as long as that couple but who've shown concern through cards and phone calls when they didn't hear from me in a while. I'm also back in touch with my old best friend of 30+ years, though I'm taking that slow. They and others, and other things, is where I need to be forcusing my time and attention.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by will19

Thanks so much, Whimseygirl. I've traveled through Willits a couple of times and it's a beautiful little town. At least that's what I think of it. It's on Route 101.

Funny thing is that nice beautiful little towns tend to be the most lonely places for single people. I know because I came from a beautiful small place. One of the most prettiest places anywhere and yet I was painfully lonely when I lived there. I feel like I'm doing a little bit better where I am now, but I feel the place I'm at is not so beautiful anymore. It's getting too crowded and built up now. Still there are some nice places to go, but it's not as nice as it used to be.

Hi will19....Wow I can't believe someone here actually knows where Willits is! And yes you're right, it's on Highway 101 about 3 and 1/2 hours north of San Francisco. I actually live in an unincorporated area of the town called Brooktrails, which is really, really beautiful....as I mentioned before there are magnificent huge Redwood trees, wild turkeys, millions of deer, squirrels, etc. Unfortunately, though, exactly as you mention, it's really a hard place to live if you're single and would like to meet people ~make new friends....and there just is not a lot going on in town. And btw I ended up here kind of by accident when I got a job (X-Ray tech) at a small local hospital, and really didn't know what I was getting myself into. Well anyway, kinda off on a tangent here ....but thanks so much for sharing some of your thoughts on all this ~whimsy

[whimsygirl]

Just stopping by to wish everyone the best day possible....and show a picture of some wild turkeys in my front yard. There are a MILLION of them around the neighborhood. They're so weird....but I'm quite fond of them

[Shadow-world]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Just stopping by to wish everyone the best day possible....and show a picture of some wild turkeys in my front yard. There are a MILLION of them around the neighborhood. They're so weird....but I'm quite fond of them

Wow, this looks great, Whimsy. You must be living in an amazing place.
Thanks for posting this. I'm in plenty of need of positive distraction today so that's good.
I hope you're well!

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Shadow-world

Wow, this looks great, Whimsy. You must be living in an amazing place.
Thanks for posting this. I'm in plenty of need of positive distraction today so that's good.
I hope you're well!

Aww Shadow....My pleasure And as to your comment, yes I do live in a very beautiful place. Very isolated, but still it is one of the things I feel blessed about every day. So you're in need of positive distraction? I'm so sorry if you're feeling bad I'm so-so, more than anything lately feeling so overwhelmed with all I should be doing, and yet I don't seem to be able to climb out of this rut

[Shadow-world]

I'm sorry to hear this, Whimsy. I do hope that things are getting better very soon.

My issues are explained in the same thread a few posts further back. It's silly really and possibly of my own making, but it's completely thrown me. Feel free to comment on the post if you like.

Hugs from me.

[HopeLovePeace]

This is my first time being on a forum of any kind.
Um as far as "Ups" go, this by joining this forum I'm taking a step in bettering myself and managing my depression.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Shadow-world

I'm sorry to hear this, Whimsy. I do hope that things are getting better very soon.

My issues are explained in the same thread a few posts further back. It's silly really and possibly of my own making, but it's completely thrown me. Feel free to comment on the post if you like.

Hugs from me.

Thanks Shadow And also thanks for the heads up about your previous ~recent (?) post. Will definitely go back and read it. I've been kind of sporadic lately about coming to ps, so I'm glad you mentioned it. Hugs back ~whimsy

[Ganymede00]

Huge mood shift from yesterday. Now I'm obsessing over whether the therapist I'm seeing is right for me. I even contacted a different therapist who I think would be a good fit but they aren't taking in new clients. Ugh, I just wish I knew what is wrong with me.

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Ok I need help here What the heck is a Poohbah?? Apparently I recently became one, but I don't know what that means. Anyone know? Thanks.

I think it's good. Fred Flintstone (or Art Carney) was always talking about the Grand Poohbah of his lodge!!! LOL

Working up to going where my husband's girlfriend works(she has D's Coffee Cabana, a little shack by our house, in a lot with leased space) and seeing what she looks like and how young she is. couldn't do it today I got very close. I was across the street walking by. My heart start's to beat so fast. I will do it one of these day's soon.

[bluedolphin92]

Been feeling really, really down these past few days. Then just a few minutes ago a good mood came out of nowhere. Hope it stays around.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by HopeLovePeace

This is my first time being on a forum of any kind.
Um as far as "Ups" go, this by joining this forum I'm taking a step in bettering myself and managing my depression.

Hi HopeLovePeace....Welcome! I'm glad you joined us, and I hope you will feel free to post about anything that's on your mind, about how you're doing, or just to "browse" and read what others are writing about if that's the place you're in at the moment. ~whimsy ps....And oh btw please let us know if you have any questions about anything (the way things work, etc.)

[tigerlily84]

Feeling sensitive and emotional. I hate it and it's making me anxious.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by herethennow

i got an acceptance letter into a university and i don't know whether i should feel happy or sad... i don't feel anything at all.

Just wanted to say congrats! You applied for a reason. This is a good thing. Is it a matter of not wanting to leave? Fear of failure? Maybe writing it all out will help.

[gracez]

I have rarely felt anxious (well except the night of the burglary on the weekend!) the past couple weeks, so trying to keep telling myself that's a positive. I don't feel any less hopeless. But intellectually I know reduced anxiety - good. I've been eating 3 square meals a day since the weekend again, and trying to take better care again.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by gracez

I have rarely felt anxious (well except the night of the burglary on the weekend!) the past couple weeks, so trying to keep telling myself that's a positive. I don't feel any less hopeless. But intellectually I know reduced anxiety - good. I've been eating 3 square meals a day since the weekend again, and trying to take better care again.

Good for you Grace! It's the little things...

We'll put this in the "win" column!

[herethennow]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Just wanted to say congrats! You applied for a reason. This is a good thing. Is it a matter of not wanting to leave? Fear of failure? Maybe writing it all out will help.

i guess its the matter for future prospects.. and the possibility of failure. starting to doubt everything.. i don't know.

thank you though! )

[herethennow]

feeling really lost right now. what do i really want? what exactly is my future path? most of all..

who am i in this world? who am i destined to be?

[IcryWhoAmI]

Originally Posted by herethennow

feeling really lost right now. what do i really want? what exactly is my future path? most of all..

who am i in this world? who am i destined to be?

This is basically my everyday thoughts.

Ups
I am on vacation.
My ex and my daughter are moved into their new place.
I am needed again and it feels great.
I have lots of part time work this week.
Downs
I am low on funds and high on debt obligations
My daughter says she misses our old home.
I may have lots of PT work to do...but I am tired and worn down.

[tigersassy]

Feeling bad. Hate myself right now

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by Shadow-world

After months of being in general better, i had a meltdown since Monday night.
Once again about this man I can't let go of in my heart. Now he's left the town in which I live in the UK and moved to Montreal, Canada with his family (that's the absolute confirmation that he has family) and I will never see him again in my life.
I'm so distraught. I've invested so much emotionally in him. I haven't protected myself enough.
I need to be guarded more, not open my heart like this so much and then have nothing left when nothing comes of my longings.

I'm off work now (and am still on probation there!), as I am just a crying wreck without enough sleep.
I'll try to go in tomorrow, as I'm currently doing the destructive thing and go through everything that hurts me so much in my head again and again.

I better sleep or try to distract myself now.

I think I'll never ever have a relationship with a man or be really loved by someone. It was hard enough to give up on the wish for a biological child, but now I think I should just also give up to ever really be with someone. I'm not feeling loveable or worthy and get into this way of thinking that having hardly had a relationship at my age means that something is wrong with me. And being on my own (in the flat) I'm trying hard not to get into this spiral of thinking that it wouldn't matter really to anyone if I just wasn't here any longer. No dependants, nobody to leave behind... I shouldn't even go there.

Loneliness is a difficult feeling, but it's pretty universal. I wish I knew what to tell you, but ultimately I believe you can find what's best for you! I read something this morning about putting a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it anytime you have a "negative" thought. That thought sort of made me laugh...

When I'm feeling overwhelmed with loneliness (sometimes I can tolerate being lonely pretty easily), I try to make myself do something for someone else. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.

Wishing you the best!