[IcryWhoAmI]

Blaaaaah.

[whimsygirl]

Just wanted to post a (somewhat) brief message ~update on the Birthday. THANK YOU so very much to everyone who left me a hug or sent me a message today. I appreciate all of it more than you might know. It's not by any means been the day I would have hoped for, but something nice did happen, and I am very grateful My only friend (who is not "online only") called and we had a really good and long talk. This meant a lot to me for a few reasons....I thought she was at work today, she tends to be rather brief on the phone, and often kind of "distracted", but not at all today. It just felt so good to have someone tell me that they loved me and wished they could be with me (we live pretty far from each other). She listened to all my sad stuff, gave me her thoughts, and let me cry. Funny about acts of kindness....it is truly amazing how they can turn a day around. So just wanted to post something more positive, and once again....THANK YOU TO EVERYONE ~whimsy ps....I really don't know how I could have made it through the past year without you all

[shortandcute]

whimsy, that always makes a big difference

I am like all hypo now that I have had me some good REM sleep. Whoa I feel rested!

That's great, Whimsey! So nice to get a nice surprise on your birthday. My birthdays are not much but there had been ones that were good. Did you enjoy the lobster tail? Oh, and welcome back!

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by will19

That's great, Whimsey! So nice to get a nice surprise on your birthday. My birthdays are not much but there had been ones that were good. Did you enjoy the lobster tail? Oh, and welcome back!

Hi will19.....Thanks so much! Yes it was really nice to have something happen today that I didn't expect And yes the L.Tail was delicious....I ate a late dinner (just finished a few minutes ago)....and now I can barely move. Whoops, guess I kinda overdid it ~whimsy

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by lindammarie

It made me cry because mostly I didn't even get much verbal compassion over our flooding situation... Oh well. I guess all I can do is be compassionate toward others. And I suppose being compassionate toward others will make me feel somewhat better...

Hi lindammarie....I'm sorry people did not express compassion for you at a time when I'm sure it would have meant a lot. I will never understand why people either do not have it in their hearts, or else just find it so hard to express basic kindness ~reach out to those around them "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"....my all-time favorite. In other words....just my opinion...I think you're right to just be compassionate towards others and know that you are doing your part Hugs ~whimsy ps....I do hope that those around you wake up soon and change their ways.

[Turtleboy]

feeling a bit better today, excited about me and Enchanted's 15 year anniversary tomorrow

[herethennow]

mood rating: 1/10. at the lowest. if this continues on... i foresee myself on a hospital bed. depression is a pain. *sigh*

[Hellion]

my mood is like -10, I've suddenly lost all will to live...well not exactly suddenly but I was thinking I could endure just a little longer, don't think so. I'll tell my therapist that I suppose.

[Bark]

herethennow, Hellion: I hope you guys make it out of rock bottom soon. You know what they say, the only way out is up. And if hospital is what is needed to get out, think of it as a step on the ladder to getting out. I've come to know you both a little bit, and I hope neither of you— or anyone else on this thread feeling horribly, for that matter—make any rash decisions.

[phaset]

Ok, saw my Dr. tonight... My blood pressure is back to normal, so I guess my remaining anxiety is not medical. Yay? I go back in 6 weeks and he wants to talk about medication. I hope I don't have to answer questions about depression every time I see him now. I've got enough going on with him that I don't need to add to.

[gracez]

Hi herethenow, Hi Hellion, just wanted to say that I'm here for you and please hang in there together with me?

I feel rockbottom everyday with no hope and don't think I can make it thru, everyday. I'm not sure why exactly or for what, but I feel that we have to hang in even though it's so painful.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by gracez

Hi herethenow, Hi Hellion, just wanted to say that I'm here for you and please hang in there together with me?

I feel rockbottom everyday with no hope and don't think I can make it thru, everyday. I'm not sure why exactly or for what, but I feel that we have to hang in even though it's so painful.

Hey gracez....Been where you are (or similar place, anyway) for a prolonged period of time several years ago now. What I describe as pretty much "catatonic" for about 8 months....no hope, endless tears, total despair, and more than anything no ability whatsoever to believe in ever feeling better. But here I am, and while....yes....I still struggle in my life I'm nowhere NEAR the place where I was, nor have I been since that time. (Although I do sometimes have those "out of nowhere" feelings, my depression is much more situational now.) I realize that when you're in the place where you are it can be difficult to even hear what people are saying to you....totally get that....but for what it's worth things CAN change and you CAN feel better. Of course like the rest of life there are no promises....but as long as there is just the smallest bit of hope there are possibilities Big Hug ~whimsy ps....Same message of course to anyone else who's really at the bottom

[happy 2 b here]

Originally Posted by gracez

Hi herethenow, Hi Hellion, just wanted to say that I'm here for you and please hang in there together with me?

I feel rockbottom everyday with no hope and don't think I can make it thru, everyday. I'm not sure why exactly or for what, but I feel that we have to hang in even though it's so painful.

Good for you, Gracez -- what you say, is so true -- we do keep hanging on, every day -- and I don't always know why, myself, either

[Puffyprue]

The pain grew and grew and I began to experience suicidal thoughts. I realized that life for me was at a desperate impasse. I thought of the garage as a place where I might sit in the car and inhale carbon monoxide. I'd look at the rafters in the attic and think of them as places where I might hang myself. I looked at sharp objects as being implements for my wrist. All of these weird and totally incoherent fears which I had never felt before just overcame me in a panic. This was a very serious time for me because I realized for the first time, that I might take my own life.
-William Styron

UPs
Almost finished moving my ex and daughter's excessive amounts of "stuff" over to their new house.
DOWNs
The old house is set to go to the Foreclosure hearing tomorrow, and sold on the "courthouse steps" on July 11.

[herethennow]

bark, gracez, thank you. i'm trying to get up from this.. i guess the good thing now that my appetite is still present.

i have to remind myself that i'm a warrior in this battlefield. keep fighting...

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Hi lindammarie....I'm sorry people did not express compassion for you at a time when I'm sure it would have meant a lot. I will never understand why people either do not have it in their hearts, or else just find it so hard to express basic kindness ~reach out to those around them "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"....my all-time favorite. In other words....just my opinion...I think you're right to just be compassionate towards others and know that you are doing your part Hugs ~whimsy ps....I do hope that those around you wake up soon and change their ways.

I've been think this over and over and over. I guess the people I expected compassion from didn't know how bad of a situation the flood created. They would have no way of know how awful the basement was BEFORE the flood, thus they would never imagine the debris left AFTER the flood.

I still have boxes and boxes of files I must try to salvage info from, not to mention the stuff that still needs to be removed before the place can be renovated. I talked to the service people today. They will be coming to start work on Monday. I've got a lot to do between now and then...

Also, no one knows how "paranoid" my husband seems to be about anyone seeing the mess -- or how he is unable to help me (I guess because of his OCD...)

I will be glad when all of this is over so I can let go of it and get on with my life!

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by SpiritOfAStorm

UPs
Almost finished moving my ex and daughter's excessive amounts of "stuff" over to their new house.
DOWNs
The old house is set to go to the Foreclosure hearing tomorrow, and sold on the "courthouse steps" on July 11.

My heart goes out to you. This cannot be easy.

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by Rachel.i

Sorry Lindammarie that you didn't get much compassion or understanding over the flooding. My parent's house flooded last year and it was exhausting to get rid of all the ruined stuff, the standing water, and to get the carpets clean. Also, we have a rental house that has flooded repeatedly due to the city's overbuilding. Many of the tenant's belongings were ruined each time, and of course the city denied any responsibility although long-time residents had never had flooding.

Anyway, home floods can be very stressful. Hope the cleanup is over soon for you.

Thank you for your compassion. It reminds me that someday I might be able to say the same sort of thing to someone else going through a situation like this... I am trying to "keep my head above water ". Like everything else, this too shall pass.

back at you!!

[Bark]

Finished my second paper. One more to go and then I'll be done! I haven't had a proper break since last summer because of my incompletes. Now... I can read whatever, do whatever, without thinking that I could be working on a paper instead. I can't wait.

My mood is still stable, which is fantastic. I can live with feeling a little depressed at night sometimes, that's nothing. I don't care if it's a placebo effect (the process of getting off meds promises to be painful, so I'm not going to try), I'm feeling better. Sure, the hypomania was fun, but stability is so much better.

Wishing everyone the best. I hope everyone can find the invisible ladder out.

[LostAngel0616]

I had a chance to go practice with my old team today and I blew it off because I was too depressed to motivate myself enough to shower and go to sleep early enough to make it. I was capitan when I was on the team, and I loved it to death. It scares me that I couldn't get there. When I found out I was pregnant, I abruptly stopped taking my paxil and klonopin. That was march. Now I'm spiraling quickly back into depression and I can't seem to stop it. Nor can I get meds any earlier than next month, if my pdoc and ob cooperate...

[bronzeowl]

I've realized that I'm scared of my own mind. I don't know why, and I can't accurately explain it. But I am.

I have no idea how I'm doing right now. I wish I cold say it was good, but I don't think it is. But it's still not bad, either, so that's okay.

I need motivation. I'm trying to motivate myself. I'll be in school this fall and I want to believe that's a good thing. But even though I pretend for everyone that I'm excited, deep down I figure I'm probably the best freaking actor they know.

[shortandcute]

I feel real tired and just want to rest. I wish I could just stay at the hospital and sleep for a while. I've been raising kids for over 20 years by myself, and with a mental illness and chronic pain to boot! I really think there has been an angel or two watching over my kids, because there have been several times when I was so out of it that my kids probably could've been taken away from me. In fact, one of the main reasons I moved to another state was because I already had authorities checking up on me and I knew if I stayed there much longer, they would be taken away. Sorry, I got off on a tangent there. Anyway, I have an appointment with orthopedic surgeon tomorrow to have my right wrist looked at. sigh