[herethennow]

isolating myself seems to be the best choice... and vacation is around the corner. this is a bad sign

[tigerlily84]

Yesterday I saw one of my best friends. We've been friends since we were 7 years old. We went to this restaurant that I had always wanted to go to, and we ate so much food that we could hardly move afterwards! It was so good to see her. Not sure what I'm going to do today...

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by herethennow

isolating myself seems to be the best choice... and vacation is around the corner. this is a bad sign

Hope you can rest and recover during your vacations. I am preparing myself to travel again (work related) and it is so difficult to do everything I should! But at least I do not feel much agitated. Hope you feel better soon

[gracez]

It's 10:30, I finally got myself out of bed, but for what I'm not sure. I slept last night, but am just as unhappy & freaked out as I was earlier yesterday. I don't think I can make it thru the day.

[IcryWhoAmI]

Every time I think about my life and the future I just get so depressed and upset.

[phaset]

I've been sleeping better the last few days. Hopefully that problem is gone. Anxiety came back yesterday and decided to stay today too. I'm trying to cheer myself up by listening to Jimmy Buffett.

[Aiuto]

I gardened today and saw all the life in nature.I think how nature has to struggle just like humans for survival.

A pretty good day. Last night I watched a pretty good movie called The Robot and Frank. This morning when I got up I was having dreadful thoughts. I'm thinking about the future and I keep imagining how so little people that I have in my life are going to parish away and I would really miss them. And then having to deal with the tragedy of them dying off. All of my friends (with what very little I have) and family are all older than me. My family is not much of anything, but still I would feel bad if something happened to them.

I went to church this morning and the sermon was about suffering and how illnesses of others effect you. It seemed like it was what I needed to hear, even though the subject was depressing. I had a pretty nice lunch with a friend of mine following the church service. He seems to think that I should just "snap out of" my depression and anxiety. He says that no matter what he says to me, I can't snap out of it. Other than that, the lunch went well. I even patted a little bird at lunch because it flew over to our table (we ate outside) wanting food. I would have made a new feathered friend if only I had given it some food.

I went on a bike ride but it was only for an hour because I was busy today. I got a phone call from an ex friend. It went OK.

[whimsygirl]

Tomorrow's my Birthday. Me, the Kitties and a giant lobster tail....that sums it up. The goal is to have as relaxing a day as possible....

[shortandcute]

I feel terrible. I am in a lot of pain. Had no motivation, extremely depressed and tired of life. feelin' very jumpy and as tho everyone is trying to get into my head; no joy in living--I just laid around all day or was on PC. but i feel tired; feel ver spacey i also feel like getting into a fist fight with someone

Dealing with alot right now....House is Foreclosing on Thursday.
Still getting everything out of it and moved over to the ex's new place.
Not getting enough restful sleep.
Spending too much money on gas!

[Bluegerbera1]

Feeling really blue today. Thought I was getting better but seem to be slowly spiralling down again. Doing something with oh today and really can't be bothered but will do it because it means a lot to him and if I don't feel better for it I probably won't feel any worse either. Wish this would go away. I want it to be a year from now and all ok. Wishing my life away.

[dazedandonfused]

I haven't been on in a few months. I tried to just ignore everything that's been going on in my head and it worked for a little but now it's back with a vengeance. I don't understand why this happens to me, why I constantly have to be so down....I just want to be happy and free of this mental torment. I almost feel as though that is where my mind wants to be in some kind of miserable emotional state. Just to torture myself. I hate it!!! I know I deserve better than this I know I can break free. I can be strong! I have to keep fighting..... Please Please god rid me of this self-inflicted torture.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

Feeling very little energy and/or motivation. I am in a lot of emotional pain right now. I am feeling terribly sad. I just hurt all over.

(((Rose))) So sorry you're hurting like this.

[whimsygirl]

So it's birthday morning and the falling apart thing has already started. Dreary looking day outside, pretty well matching my mood. Tears flowing and the migraine from last night quickly returning. I'm not completely surprised by any of this, as I was having a bad feeling about everything last night, and kinda knew things might go either way today Doesn't really feel like a day to celebrate when in essence it's pretty much the same as every day, spent all alone....well not quite....sorry beloved Kitties Just gonna make a pot of coffee and see what happens. Low expectations is the key, unfortunately. Wishing everyone a better day than mine looks so far....or at least as good as possible ~whimsy ps....Oh, okay, I AM looking forward to the lobster tail!

[phaset]

Happy Birthday Whimsygirl!

I wish I didn't mention that I was sleeping better yesterday... I didn't sleep much last night. I'm in a mixed mood today. A little pissed off and frustrated at work.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by phaset

Happy Birthday Whimsygirl!

I wish I didn't mention that I was sleeping better yesterday... I didn't sleep much last night. I'm in a mixed mood today. A little pissed off and frustrated at work.

Thanks so much for the birthday greeting phaset! Hope your mood goes in the better direction and the work day too.... ~whimsy

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

So it's birthday morning and the falling apart thing has already started. Dreary looking day outside, pretty well matching my mood. Tears flowing and the migraine from last night quickly returning. I'm not completely surprised by any of this, as I was having a bad feeling about everything last night, and kinda knew things might go either way today Doesn't really feel like a day to celebrate when in essence it's pretty much the same as every day, spent all alone....well not quite....sorry beloved Kitties Just gonna make a pot of coffee and see what happens. Low expectations is the key, unfortunately. Wishing everyone a better day than mine looks so far....or at least as good as possible ~whimsy ps....Oh, okay, I AM looking forward to the lobster tail!

Sorry you are feeling so bad, Whimsy. I hope your day turns out better than expected as it goes on. Sending good thoughts your way.

And, Happy, Happy Birthday!

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Rachel.i

Sorry you are feeling so bad, Whimsy. I hope your day turns out better than expected as it goes on. Sending good thoughts your way.

And, Happy, Happy Birthday!

Thanks so much Rachel, for the Birthday Cheer and the kind words I'm trying. And one of my favorite sayings of all time.... "The only time you can fail is the last time you try". So we'll see...

[gracez]

not sure i can make it

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by dazedandonfused

I haven't been on in a few months. I tried to just ignore everything that's been going on in my head and it worked for a little but now it's back with a vengeance. I don't understand why this happens to me, why I constantly have to be so down....I just want to be happy and free of this mental torment. I almost feel as though that is where my mind wants to be in some kind of miserable emotional state. Just to torture myself. I hate it!!! I know I deserve better than this I know I can break free. I can be strong! I have to keep fighting..... Please Please god rid me of this self-inflicted torture.

Know what you mean. I try to ignore the constant stream of mostly negative chatter in my head... or use distraction, mini-meditation, deep breaths, whatever works. But my mind so often seems to want to return to that state of always looking for looming problems or ruminating over the past. I think this is pretty common though, even for non-depressed people. A psychotherapist who has battled clinical depression himself and written several very good books on depression and happiness says that most people's state of mind is one of vague discontent. He says we must constantly battle this, because the more we allow negative thinking to prevail, the more of a reflexive habit it becomes and that it actually strengthens pathways and connections in the brain.

I read another book by a woman psychiatrist who battled depression and she said the pull of depression can almost be like an addiction. Even though it is a state of misery, it is a very familiar one, and our minds like the comfort of familiarity; change is the opposite, it's unknown, it's a lot of work, and so our mind resists. She says we must interrupt the negative thoughts over and over.

They don't disavow the role of medication for some people, but the conscious interruption of negative thoughts to "rewire" the brain is a common theme. I do believe they're on to something, as they both battled clinical depression and have many years experience treating people with depression, and the evidence is now saying that our brains can change from purposeful repeated behavior.

I just wish it wasn't so hard to do, and not so easy to backslide. We all deserve better, and I do think we can get a lot better if we keep fighting.

[lindammarie]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHIMSYGIRL!!! If we lived closer, I'd bake you a cake!

[lindammarie]

Still fussing with the flood cleanup. Went to church Sunday & the pastor preached about compassion. It made me cry because mostly I didn't even get much verbal compassion over our flooding situation... Oh well. I guess all I can do is be compassionate toward others. And I suppose being compassionate toward others will make me feel somewhat better...

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by lindammarie

Still fussing with the flood cleanup. Went to church Sunday & the pastor preached about compassion. It made me cry because mostly I didn't even get much verbal compassion over our flooding situation... Oh well. I guess all I can do is be compassionate toward others. And I suppose being compassionate toward others will make me feel somewhat better...

Sorry Lindammarie that you didn't get much compassion or understanding over the flooding. My parent's house flooded last year and it was exhausting to get rid of all the ruined stuff, the standing water, and to get the carpets clean. Also, we have a rental house that has flooded repeatedly due to the city's overbuilding. Many of the tenant's belongings were ruined each time, and of course the city denied any responsibility although long-time residents had never had flooding.

Anyway, home floods can be very stressful. Hope the cleanup is over soon for you.

[konstargirl]

I've been having mixed motions lately and not sure how to describe them. My therapist has helped me out a lot. <3 But now since Fathers Dy is coming up, I was thinking about my dad last night and wished that he was a better dad in m life. He was very abusive emotionally and physically especially my mom, got us homeless and now hasn't spoke to me much for the past 8 months. I don't think he cars out me anymore... He only talks to my sisters and brother, but not me. H waned to see me while I was at the hospital when I did my suicide attempt and I was like no because I'm not mentally stable to see him. I'm still not. He still came anyway and he and my mom were arguing. He hasn't see me since nor help my mom out.