[online user]

Originally Posted by Sadeyes3533

I just wish I could asleep one night to never wake up again I'm a total failure and not emotional connections so really what's the point of life.

Sorry you are low that you can't see you have the chance and can hope for better things.

Take it a day at a time while you're so low and do write to us again.

Susan

[James franko]

Head to the beach. Break out. Do something that makes us normal like take a shower go to store. After while your there watch look listen. If you know someone old that you know is happy in there older years and ask them all the ? You ever wanted to know.

[Rose76]

Went to the supermarket and bought groceries. Came home and ate. Feel better than I did.

[Grey Matter]

Down. I don't know who I am anymore.

[weathervane]

My brain, emotions, and motivation utterly collapsed today.

Better here. Good hopes for everyone else. The truck was kicking my ***... now that the hardest part (I hope) is over it feels better. I gave up temporarily a couple of times. We've all heard it isn't how many times you fall down etc... maybe it's true.

Another typical Saturday for me. I have mixed feelings about it because it's a day to myself totally (even though I live alone). So nice that I don't have to deal with people, like at work. But I do miss the contacts with people at my job. I especially miss a few that are no longer at the place. They meant a lot to me.

I spent a couple of hours with a friend. It was nice most of the time. It doesn't happen very often. There were some things he said that didn't make me feel comfortable. But, no one's perfect!

I felt pretty empty after finishing with him. Though I kept busy with shopping and doing other things. Tonight, it seems pretty noisy outside. I hope that watching a movie will drown it out.

UPS
Time with my daughter

DOWNS
I bartended a 50th wedding anniversary....something I will never know since I totally effed up my marriage. It's starting to bother me seeing all these married people. I wanna know what life is REALLY like in their marriage...what are they "putting up" with; what are they ignoring.

[Cinema]

Today was just a bad day, it started out good, I went to personal training, I did great aside from the fact that I almost fainted. Then later in the day my aunt and uncle came over with their new 6 week old baby. I made her smile, held her, calmed her down when she was crying, and I was happy, aside from when my great grandma said 'in about 5 years you'll get married and have one of your own.' It took everything I had to not burst into tears right then and there. Because, 1: my soulmate, the only man I've ever loved and wanted, dosent wanna give me children, and 2: we have been broken up for 3 months now and as much as I know he loves me and everyone tells me he's just being stupid and he'll come back soon, I'm shell of what I used to be when I was happy with him, Im not who he fell in love with, I'm depressed, I can't eat without throwing up after, I have to gather up all that I have left of my willpower just to get up in the morning. I know that one day he'll ask me were his cheery and bright Sonya went, all I can say is, 'you put the final nail in her coffin.'

Up
Down
Up
Down
Up at the moment .
Do de doooo

[lifelies]

Feeling better today... It seems that I'm going out of the depressive stage.
Allie
Lifelies

[Rose76]

Today is better than yesterday was.

[tigerlily84]

I slept in until noon today which already makes me feel bad about myself.

I also brought my brother's car back to him since he's back from his honeymoon. And I also picked up my grandma's car... my aunt has had it sitting on her driveway for about the past year. I haven't had a chance to speak with my grandma about it yet. I feel like a horrible selfish person for using her car. She says that I can use it for as long as I need to. Why can't I just accept help? Why can't I just be more gracious about the whole thing? I really hate myself sometimes.

And since the car doesn't have a lot of miles on it, I feel like I shouldn't drive it to see my T. My T's office is 43 miles away; and that's one way. Sorry for rambling.

UPS
Went to Church even though I almost let the depression and other nonsense talk me out of it. Pastors sermon was exactly what I needed to hear.
DOWNS
I am in serious financial trouble. Sitting here shaking my head and cannot believe I am not in a complete panic. But it is what it is. Hope I can get something figured out soon. I sure NEED to!

Woke up this morning feeling very depressed and feeling like my world is coming to an end. I've been feeling depressed all day and tired. I haven't done much to make me exhausted.

I am feeling anxiety because of a biopsy that will come up. I don't have an appointment yet. I'm dreading the worst. I feel fine physically (except for feeling tired). But I'm wondering if the biopsy report is going to be bad. It's like I can hear it very loud and clear that the news is bad.

Been feeling like I need a good cry but I can't seem to do it. It seemed like it was not that long ago that I had nothing to worry about with my health and it had always been that way until now. I miss those days and I feel alone with my problem.

[Nammu]

The line on the chart is dipping southward. All day everything makes me cry, and I can't seem to think nice thoughts about much. Crazy, the negative thinking response makes me feel worse than the sadness.

[online user]

Ah, that waiting for test results is always the worst. You imagine the worst. Even if the statistics say most are negative, you don't hope that it can be true--you fear the positive. Hope you get your appointment made soon so you can end the dreaded waiting game and know what faces you ahead.

[Grey Matter]

I am in between, I guess.
I spoke to my sister. Cleaned up the wreck of my room I created.

But I don't feel all hear. My body is in pain. My mind is in pain. I feel like I need to cry, but I can't.

[themonster7]

My daily ups and downs? I don't even know. I don't know good and bad, I know a healthy persistent numbness.

[tigersassy]

Abandonment issues flaring up. Which is making depressive thoughts worse. I despise being like this.

Headed for the downs I am afraid.
Lots of stress and a decision to be made that will have me come undone for sure.
I have no idea why life is throwing me this curve ball.
I don't think I can handle this one.

[tokiwartooth]

I had a good day yesterday, but I'm starting to feel yucky again. I'm not in a great mood and I don't feel well again.

[gracez]

i am awake too early as usual. i hate my life. i don't want to have this day.

[Fuzzybear]

missing people...

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by Rachel.i

My oldest sister, the Narcissist/Sociopath, has really corrupted the relationship between myself and my mother. Nothing new, but my mother is 82 and there's not much time left. You'd think having stolen all my mother's money, being married and divorced six times by age 45 (my sister), my mother would realize. But no, as one of my sister's ex-husbands said to me last week, "Your mother will never believe that your sister's a chronic liar. You and I know it, but your mother is in denial and always will be." I can't even talk to my own mother without everything I say being repeated to Ms. Control Freak, and her opinion being given on what I say, and relayed back through my mother. Crazy!

Sorry. Just venting again. Seeing my pdoc Monday and it won't be too soon.

I wonder if Moms don't overcompensate for the "bad" kids. I know I feel guilty when I don't think I've done a good job of parenting... I have a girlfriend whose sister started an affair with her husband. The mother went through life thinking the "bad" sister was perfect... It was so very hard on my friend. She ended up divorcing her husband and I'm not sure anyone in the family understood...