[Grey Matter]

eh. Down. My sister wanted to hang out, and I couldn't even say yes. I can't do it. I don't deserve the joy.

Down, people need to respect my authority. For serious, yo.

So damn tired of the rain...this isnt the pacific northwest for crying out loud!!!

[Starla Dear]

Feeling: anxious, shaky, like I want to move away, trapped, angry, like I hate EVERYTHING

UPS
Getting ready to go get my daughter for the week....yay!
DOWNS
I have to go get her at my ex's house. She just can't stop reminding me of who she thinks I really am.

[Harmacy]

Went out for a meal with a couple of friends I haven't seen in a few weeks last night.

Was really proud of myself at the start of the evening, anxiety was fairly low (even though there were lots of people about), self confidence was higher than usual and actually enjoyed the meal.

Then later on the booze started making me feel very sorry for myself and I started going on a bit about all my woes and being generally obnoxious. I think I've been obsessing about mental health issues recently so because that's at the forefront of my mind, it's what came out when I drank. Now today I'm feeling low and slightly ashamed for revealing too much about myself.

[herethennow]

feeling really down. its 3:48am and i can't sleep. having terrible insomnia tonight. and coupled by the ever lingering sadness, i just want to cry...

[Bark]

Hoping I don't go into withdrawal for forgetting to take my med. I've started to a little bit.

We still haven't moved, but we've moved a fair amount of our stuff to the new place. I'm hoping I'll be able to travel after it's all said and done. We'll see. I need a break. We all need a break. This has been a bad year for my family and me. Here's hoping things will only get better.

So far it's another empty day. I thought today would be better than yesterday, but so far it's not. I went to another church today. I almost didn't go there because I had a hard time finding it. I went in and it was OK. Some things I liked better than where I had been going, but there were some things I didn't like as much. So it seems like it's an even trade-off. I may go there next week and see if I will really like it.

After church I called my sister because yesterday she told me to call her. So I called her and it was a bad time. She said that she would call me back, but hasn't called back yet. It was four hours ago when I called her. I don't want to call her because it would seem like I'm chasing her. I'm very upset about this. It happens a lot and I don't know why! If only she would realize that doing things like this is what's killing it for me to come and visit her. She's been wanting me to come and visit, and it's stuff like this is the reason that I don't.

[gracez]

in bed. not good

[Grey Matter]

I hate today I hate today I hate today I need this day to end.

[tokiwartooth]

I am so sick to my stomach. I went all out yesterday in eating bad stuff. I think my stomach is paying me back today.

[ExiExi]

alive
and wishing you all the best

I have been very very down and sad. VERY depressed.
I got "this" close to weeping...wailing...letting it all out...then it waned and left me.
I just gotta get this "demon" out of me...but it just wont come out.
I am getting closer and closer though.

[lindammarie]

My foot hurts. My heart aches. But I will keep putting one foot in front of the other...

[tigerlily84]

I am so anxious. I can't sleep, I'm hardly eating, I've continuously had migraines and severe headaches for the past week. I cannot relax. I see my psychologist today so we'll see what she has to say. It's barely 8am here and I have had all kinds if problems already. Sorry for the whiny post everyone.

[FeelingOpaque]

Yesterday I was on a bus coming back from Niagara falls, which was beautiful, and was sitting next to a stranger and spent the whole time being anxious about whether I was sitting to close to her and making her uncomfortable so I ended up sitting in a slightly painful position for the whole 7 hour ride because of it. Music helped me sooth some of the anxiety, but I just felt like an idiot the whole time.

[davmid]

I keep thinking "today I'll be fine." Somehow the pain always finds me. It's just there.

[NJBlues]

Prozac is causing tremors, so I was told to take Ativan to calm down, but that practically puts me to sleep. Why do these meds have to have side effects? Missed 2 days of work already, may have to take a medical leave to deal with all this crap. My depression is making me depressed!

[Bark]

Fell asleep, woke up, took my med, all is well. Well, I am pretty irritable today. And I think I'm having one of my night-time depressions. So I'm going to try and sleep it off and hopefully wake up feeling better tomorrow. It's a lot easier to fight when you're not constantly depressed. I have stupid ideas, like quitting my meds cold turkey and driving myself manic, but they're just that, ideas. Need to ignore them and move on.

Saw my psychiatrist today. He thinks I'm at a healthy weight now (didn't seem to bother him that it was mostly belly weight, but I agree that exercise would help with that). No med changes, and he'll see me once classes start up again to see if the stability continues. Part of me doesn't want to be stable, I think, but now that I am, I'm able to keep that part in check.

Eh, whatever. I'm blabbering on. I wish everyone the best, and hope that the depression and anxiety demons loosen their grip a little.

I kind of wonder why I still post here... part of me feels like I'm showing off... feel a little guilty... argh, this feeling. I want it to go away. Think good thoughts, good thoughts....

[FeelingOpaque]

That's great! And the reason you want to fall back into instability is because it is comfortable, all you know, keep up the good work! And don' feel like you're showing off, you're getting better, you should talk about it.

[avlady]

I am worried about being homeless in the future even though there is nothing right now to be afraid of it for. I once was homeless and maybe i remember the pain and things i had to do being homeless? It scares the c*** out of me, even though i have a house with a mortgage payment, but still my financial situation is crazy now. Is this normal to be worried before it even happens, if at all?

[Bark]

Feeling much better today. It hit me kinda hard last night, the pain and the thoughts and then I couldn't sleep. I'm thankful for my other med's side effects, to be honest: makes me eat more and helps me sleep.

I think I'm a bit thankful for last night: it reminds me of how easily I can fall back into depression and why I should stick to my meds. I have enough to worry about without depression on top of it all.

[davmid]

I'm off to a rough start this morning. All night all I could think about was how much I miss my wife and all of my family. I've never been able to keep anyone close. I just feel empty.

[tokiwartooth]

I feel useless again.