Embarrassed

Hi everyone, I’m new here. The only reason why I’m on here is because I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’m a little over whelmed because I don’t know where to start.

It will be almost year since I stopped going to therapy and I’m not sure if I should go back? Part me of me wants to seek help but I’m afraid of the reaction that I might get from my therapist and psychiatrist. A lot of has happened in the past year and I’m hurting. I stopped taking my meds, constantly feeling up and down, I did something impulsive that I would never do and completely embarrassed myself. I alienated myself from everyone and lost my best friend who doesn't know what was going on. I just don’t know what to do. Should I go back or find a different therapist?

Hi. You came to the right place. I'm glad you found us.

Should you go to another therapist? That depends on whether or not you liked and trusted the one you had. If you did, that would be the place to start. You won't have to start over from scratch and things should be easier for you.

My computer is having a cow and won't show me your profile, so I'll ask you. When you say you have ups and downs, do you mean you are bipolar? If so, you wouldn't be the first one that went off meds and stopped therapy. I had a friend in highschool that was diagnosed with bipolar and every now and then, she would go off her meds. She either felt better and thought she didn't need them anymore, or didn't feel much of anything while on them and wanted to feel again.

Don't let your friend get away. Explain to your friend what happened and why you did what you did. I lost a friend that way. He started pushing me away when we had been friends for years. He started doing that in Junior high with no reason given. We lived close to eachother, and he would tell me not to walk home with him or call him. It wasn't until years later that I learned he had some emotional problems (he was also bipoloar). Had he told me what was going on, I could have dealt with it. As it is, I gave up on him, thinking that he just wanted to hang with the "cool" crowd. If your friend was a good friend, then she will understand. Don't let it go too long though.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to get back into therapy and back on your meds. You don't need to feel bad all the time and deserve some peace in your life. I hope things work out for you. We can all be a support system for you if you would like. I know its not the same as face to face, but at least we will understand what you are going through.

Sam2

I have been depressed for most of my life. I am currently on medication and don't see myself going off them. I need them like I need food.
I have never gone to a proper therapist. I had some pretty unpleasant experiences with counselors but that was a long time ago. People here have very positive attitudes towards therapy and advocate for it. I think that if you didn't feel comfortable with your last therapist you should seek another one. I would imagine that finding a good fit for a therapist might take some time and change. I can imagine that it is a little scary to open up so much to someone. If you have the option I'd definitely try to find a therapist that you mesh well with.
I'm really sorry that things have been difficult for you. It's painful to feel alienated from the people we were close to. Are you sure you alienated your friend? Perhaps you just think you have done it. Paranoia is also a symptom of depression. I'd try to find out how that friend really feels. Then if things are OK you can maybe disclose a little of your situation at a time as she/he can digest it.
Guilt and shame are also big elements of depression and can suck all the life out of you. You have to forgive yourself for whatever happened and really think of the future and what you can do to improve your circumstances.
You can post here anytime and there will be people to listen and support you.
Good luck

You’re right, it’s better for me to keep the same therapist since he knows my history. Bottom line is that I hate being judged.

I was never diagnosed with bipolar disorder but I do feel up and down most of the times. Last year I was having the time of my life in college. I was making new friends and socializing. I felt like I kicked my social anxiety to the curb. Suddenly I got sad again and isolated myself and felt depressed. That’s when I stopped taking my meds. Slowly things got better. During summer break I felt great and excelling in my summer class and then I got sad again. I started slacking in my summer course which I had to drop because I couldn’t concentrate. Not only I dropped out my summer course but did something terrible, which I regret.

I think it’s too late to mend my relationship with friend Sarah. I’ve never mentioned my depression and social anxiety to her. Mainly because I was embarrassed of what she would think of me. Sarah and I are the complete opposites. Sarah is out spoken, social, adventurous, and has a lot of friends. I was afraid to tell her that was loner. I just think it’s too late to mend my friendship and time to move on.
Thank you for taking time and reply to my thread. I really appreciate it. I’m reconsidering going back to therapy.

Thank you,
Bohemiangirl85

Thank you for reading my thread, I felt comforted by your response. Am I sure if I alienated my friend? Yes, I basically stopped talking to her. It hurts because she was my best friend and I couldn't confide in her. I’m reconsidering of going back to therapy but not sure if I should keep the same therapist. I know going back to therapy is the best thing for me to do but I’m scared.

Thanks again,
Bohemiangirl85