[FeelingOpaque]

That's what one of my friends said to me today. I kinda of was rude to her a day or two ago when I was feeling ****** and lonely, but then apologized and she was trying to be nice, inviting me to hang out and saying she gets how I feel. So I started to share more how I feel, how I felt for a while and she asked what makes you happy and I said nothing. It isn't exactly true, but nothing makes me want to get out of bed, things just sooth the stress for the moment. So she you don't let yourself be happy and I just got so hurt and angry. Then I went on a rant about the ways I have tried to make myself happy but lost all passion and motivation for within a month and she said she was trying to help and I said I don't want help I want a friend. Then she said that's what she was trying to do, so I said stop judging me, and it ended there.

Sorry for the rant. I kind of feel like a **** because I didn't need to be so rude, could have explained more. But I helped this girl out through a period when she felt like **** and I never told to suck it up and be happy and that she's choosing to be sad, I just listened and comforted and it aggravates me she won't do the same.

Sorry for that rant as well.

What do you guys recommend for me to do to try to smooth this over and make the communication better?

[Vossie42]

Aw, I'm sorry you had such a difficult conversation with your friend. I would upset, too, if someone said that to me. You're trying the darnedest to be happy and you don't need anyone implying that you aren't. I think your friend was trying to be supportive in her own way by telling you what she sees about you, thinking that such an observation would be helpful to you. And it totally backfired for the both of you. You sound like you need empathy but no feedback or advice. Could you tell her that?

[FeelingOpaque]

Well, I kind of did when I said I need a friend who doesn't judge, but I could have been less curt. Thanks for the support.

[Vossie42]

I like your "aggravated" emoticon. Sometimes I get so angry that I want to destroy things. That's when I wish I could be on one of those home remodeling shows and be the one to rip out the drywall, hack the old counter to pieces, etc. Ah, wouldn't it be fun to take a sledge hammer to something?

[FeelingOpaque]

I feel like that so often, I just have the urge to hit something.

[AV747]

Try to talk with her. Explain that you feel bad. Sincerity and openness always helps in resolving problems between friends.

Well, that was honest, FeelingQpague, and you can't beat honesty for friendship. Being tactfully
honest takes training and skill, so you'll want to think before you speak, frankly.

You feel like hitting something? You could release a lot of unconscious aggression that
way---just be careful what you hit! (I'm not trying to be funny; it is true, though, that laughter does release unconscious anxiety or aggresssions and is one way to heal.)

I'd look for friends who don't seem to be judgmental. It's so hard to become
non-judgmental. It requires truly living by one's deepest principles not to be judgmental, and it takes knowledge of oneself to stop that in oneself. So, if she's an adult and
still engaging in that, I'd seek friendships that were, as you say, non-judgmental.

Take care.

Perhaps she's worried you can't see the wood for the trees - which is easy for her to think but perhaps she's on to something. We're all judgmental whether it be considered positively or negatively and yes, sometimes that can lead to insensitive comments. Do you genuinely believe though that she really thinks you're choosing to be sad?

I'm not sure how people can be that ignorant anymore - awareness of depression is increasing, schools etc are being more open about mental health in general, popular culture is attempting to tackle the issue in the same way they are sexuality etc I just don't know if it's realistic for her to be that way - you appear to be a smart person who i assume would hang out with others of equal intellect so you can see what logic i'm trying to get at.

We don't all have the same level of care giving - other's know exactly what to say and when, other's stumble a bit more. I think if she wasn't interested in being there for you - she wouldn't be.

I think it's best if you both just bury the hatchet and move on - she sounds like a good friend and to be honest that's rare these days. You deserve each other and whilst you both might not be perfect, you sound like you care about each other (you wouldn't be posting here if you weren't that concerned about the issue) and that's a really important point. I hope i've been supportive.

[ReddSN]

I hate to say it, but I think what she is saying can be possible. I am depressed myself, and have had people say I won't let myself be happy. At first it made me really upset, but the more I thought of it, the more I realized that it was possible that subconsciously at least I was holding onto the sadness because it was familiar, or I thought it was justified. Or that if I let it go, I was agreeing that the negative things that happened were good and acceptable. I don't know.