Sometimes I feel like I'm barely alive.

Honestly, lately I've described my life as a "black hole". It's the same thing every single day.My child is absolutely beautiful and I'm so glad I had him, but I'm finding it SO hard to find a balance between taking care of him, and taking care of me. There aren't enough hours in the day. I'm currently a "stay at home Mom." (not by choice) This is not the life I was designed for. I feel like I was meant to do something "big" , I just don't know what that thing is. He's a year old now, and I would be okay with sending him to daycare while I worked, but our income doesn't allow that. So here I sit. Wasting away. This is not how my life was supposed to go....I believe there is a way to change it, or make things better....I just can't seem to take any steps in that direction. I don't even know where to start. I'm so lost, and so stuck.

I'm not a mom and I've never been a mom but I certainly admire anyone in that position. I think that what you describe can be shared by soooo many moms. It must be overwhelming to be in charge of a whole person. And exhausting. Do you have any relatives who could give you a few hours to yourself? Or maybe a kind neighbor?
There is time left for you to do something big. You need to first decide what that might be. You can't have a plan without a goal. Maybe that could be your first goal. Maybe you could say that in 6 months time I will have 3 directions to explore. Think deeply about what these can be. Then maybe you could choose another time to narrow down your 3 choices to one. Then you can make a short term plan and a long term plan. This gives you time for your baby to get a bit older and time for you to sort through your ideas. This is real work that you can do to achieve your goal. This isn't empty gestures. Most people need a plan in order to achieve something big.
I hope you find your dream and make it come true.
Good luck

Maybe you should slow down in your own head. Don't aim for the stars, aim for love. Both your baby and your partner needs you and you need them. Being away from the people you love, just to get time to do something out of... boredom(?) may hurt more than help. If you really want to make way for yourself, it's your freedom to do so and there is nobody to judge that, but is your life as a home-mom really that bad? Is there something wrong about it?

Thank you, this is very encouraging and I think I will start setting some goals, not always the easiest thing to do when you're depressed, but often the most important.

I never said I didn't need them , or that they didn't need me. And who says it's 'boredom'? Some people aren't content with this type of life, it isn't for everyone. That's not saying I don't love my family, but I also have to live for myself. I believe so many people spend their entire life trying to appease someone else and forget to do things for themselves. I admire people that are content being stay at home parents, because they have made that decision and it makes them happy. For me though, I need to be doing more, it's just the way I was 'designed'. I will always take care of my child, but this doesn't mean I have to neglect myself. After all, how are you supposed to properly care for, and love someone else if you aren't happy with yourself?

Also OldLife - if it didn't feel "really that bad" It wouldn't be posted under the Depression forum

Well then, what are you asking here actually? If you arent't even mentally depressed, just rather depressed of the state of your life, then your thread doesn't belong here. Atleast I thought this forum is for depressed people who has the illness (like I do) and not for the people who just feel depressed. Probably if you would be actually depressed, you would have hard time considering such a big life changes.

In my earlier post, I was just thinking your baby as you seemed to guess, because your post sounded to me like you don't like being a mother. Do as you want, do what you want.

Btw, why people use these smileys who blink eye for you? It's serious weirdness and kinda scary.

It's really hard being a new Mom. Most of the time you feel exhausted or worried that you might not be doing things right. Having a little one dependent on you is also scary because it is a huge responsibility.
When I was a new Mom, I found it important to have some "ME" time. To look outside a window, watch a butterfly, or a bird, and even try to draw it - doesn't matter if you can't draw - it gives you some "out" time. And who knows, one day your art attempts may become an overnight sensation. Stranger things have happened. I know it's hard to keep cheerful, but I believe that "doing" something really helps relieve the pressure.
I hope this doesn't sound patronizing 'cos it isn't meant to. Only to support and encourage you

Excuse me? First of all, don't tell me where my post does and doesn't belong. I do not need to explain anything to you, or tell you what my "clinical diagnosis" is. But , just for the hell of it , I will. I have had clinical depression, along with Anxiety since I was a kid. I have been to many Dr.'s and on many different depression medications. I also have ppd. (postpartum depression) I'm currently taking an anti depressant as well as an Anti anxiety medication and have been seeing a therapist for almost 2 years. And who are you to tell me if I was "actually depressed" I wouldn't be considering "such big life changes." Are you in my head? Do you know me? Everyone is different, and if you read through my post thoroughly you would have seen that I was having a hard time doing anything, even though I want to. You should REALLY watch what you say to people, especially if you don't know their story.

You wanted to know "what exactly my question was". I didn't ask a question in that post, not anywhere. It's called venting and since you're new to this site I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you don't know what ranting or venting is. Sometimes people like to write out their feelings, and it helps when people who can understand, or feel the same can offer some input or support.

I NEVER said I didn't like being a Mother, I said I feel kind of lost at the moment, and that I don't feel I was designed to be a STAY AT HOME Mother, people parent in different ways, and just because you don't want to stay at home all the time doesn't mean you are any less of a mother, or that you love your child any less.

Keeping in mind (again) that you're new....I will give you a friendly suggestion...don't get on a forum and tell people what is/isn't wrong with them. If you don't like what you're reading, move along. This site isn't about Drama or bashing people for things they write, and you will make a bunch of enemies very fast. We're here for support, not belittlement.

And the smiley () is called a wink, btw.

Seems like you're a pretty sensitive person. I have the kind of sensitive personality myself too and my advice is just to relax/chill out. That was ranting you know what you wrote there. Support forum is a support forum, even if everyone doesn't agree with you. If someone like me gives a different perspective to things, it's not that people bash you, they probably offer solution they think it's the best through their own experiences and from their own point of view. Nice that you noticed my post and responded, but maybe a little laidback attitude would be good for you. Take it easy, your situation I mean.

Maybe now I'm supposed to write here how I give you hugs and kisses, but they mean nothing over the internet, so I won't do that. I hope you find your way out soon, but if you don't, I think it's not wasting time if you are just at home. It's just another way of life in this endless cycle.

I'm a young guy, 20 years old and I have done pretty much nothing the past year, because I'm pretty disabled by the depression. I would like to do work or go to school (which I'm going to try soon in the autumn), but it just not that simple at all with constant anxiety and fear of things. So to speak, I know what being at home and doing nothing is. I know it very well indeed and most of the time it bothers me aswell. That may even be part of the reason why I am depressed in general, but I just can't get interested in anything, because I miss emotions. You most certainly know these things.

Ok . Here's the thing....I'm not sensitive most of the time, but you weren't simply offering advice or your opinion in that first reply. You basically told me I was abusing a forum that was meant for people with "real depression" and that my post didn't belong here. Anyone would be offended by that. I never said you had to agree with the things I wrote (or anyone else) but you don't need to respond the way you did.

And yes, I know how you are feeling, I've dealt with it a lot of my life. If you're able to find the right doctor/therapist/possibly meds. It does get better. I won't say I'm "cured" as I still have bad days (Hence the reason I started this thread) But the days are becoming more and more tolerable with help and time.

Well what about your situtation? What you think you might want to do with your time? Some hobbies or a job or travel? What would your big thing be? Where that feeling comes from? Most of us never get to do anything big in our whole life.

What about your weekends, Learningme01? Do you and your husband have weekends
that you spend with the children away from your home, such as visiting the beach,
the mountains, a major city, or the country? Do you have weekends when you all go places and
see different things?

That's so important; I agree very much with the concept that being at home 24/7
and caring for very young children is difficult, to say the least. They are very
demanding in their needs, and they have to be met. That gives you very little
time for yourself.

Your partner should be sharing in the responsibility for the youngsters, and you
should all have a variety of activity on weekends to keep an interest in the outside
world. It's very important for your children, too, to have diverse interests as they
grow.

You might try to buy a condo at some resort so that you all can get away from
everything for at least two days and maybe 2 weekends per month.

That ought to help.

How long, will it be, before you'd be able to return to the workforce? I wouldn't call the infancy years, boredom, but I would refer to it, as monotonous, at times. Stuck, is a word I have, at times found myself using, when I was once a stay at home mom, I was with three little ones, and for a couple of months, changing three sets of diapers.
It's easy to start feeling disconnected from the life one, used to know. And it many ways, it can be career stagnating, and frankly, that's a fear for anyone with ambitions and intelligence.
What about a co-op daycare, where you can volunteer for a fraction of the full price? Or, even finding time, to read, research, connect online with other stay at home moms? Learn some new skills, while you bide your time, waiting for the day, you can find out what you'd like to do with your career life?

And, have you seen a doctor, about how you are feeling?

You are so right, and I know how important it is for all of us to get out, but honestly we don't have the money to do a whole lot right now, that's part of the reason I'm hoping to go back to work, for sure.

Thank you, I appreciate your understanding words! As far as seeing a Dr. yes, I see a pdoc and a T. T once a week and pdoc about every month. I've been seeing them since before the baby was born and I'm on some antidepressants as well.

I meant something big career wise, or humanity wise. I'm not interested in being away from my child so much that I need to travel (without him) - I just need to feel like I'm doing something of importance (outside the home I mean - I know that raising a child is extremely important.)

Very tactful and good answer. You show that you have a lot of common sense and a smart person just by your reply. I think there must be something God can help you to do that you will enjoy that will make you feel like you are reaching more of your potential by using all of your gifts.

I do get what you are saying. I am a mother and now a grandmother. Although I have thoroughly enjoyed staying home and raising my daughter and now helping out with my new grandchild, I too feel like there is more I was meant to do in my life and wonder if there is some kind of schooling I should look into if I was just capable enough. I feel like there is something I would like to learn to do well besides just housework.

I want to find something that I would be happy doing and it's not because I am not happy being a mother either. I have given more than 18 years of my life just being a mom and very glad I did that, but now I need to find something besides just that because soon my daughter will be out on her own and I won't know what to do with myself. I need something for me so I feel like I am adding something positive to this world.

I also want to set a good example for my daughter and show her that you can succeed at whatever you put your mind to with God's help. That you can find fulfillment in the work you are meant for, so she will have the confidence to pursue whatever God leads her to also. I pray God helps lead you to your destiny, or will for your life, of what you would be most capable and happy doing that will benefit you and others, in Jesus name, Amen. Just as I hope this for myself, and my daughter and grandchild also. Don't be afraid. Whatever God leads you to do, he will give you the ability to do it.