The suicide game

I think I'll mention this in a little while to a professional... I'll think about it. So do people just take ant-depressants and that's all they can do for bipolar?

That sounds kinda like something that I do, when I used to harm myself I would cut hearts on my wrist, they would just calm me down. Now I draw hearts on my wrist.

No there is never just one thing we can do. I do aromatherapy, lavendar, geranium and rosemary help me. if nothing else it reminds me to breathe. getting good sleep if most important for people with bipolar. i eat a lot of salmon because it does my brain good. plus i love it. i have a great therapist i see. and a wonderful psychiatrist. and physical activity is important. right now i am on a quest to stay feeling as good as i feel now. i have a tendency to be happy for a few weeks then i get super down for a few weeks. it's always triggered by outside stressors but i believe i can have more control over it. i've never been consistent with my self care. usually when i'm in a deep low i find my way out of it by doing some self care and adjusting my thinking. then when i am in a good place i think i start slacking off doing the stuff that helps me so i end up crashing again. up and down. i'm tired of it. so i'm doing something about it. i just need to figure out a routine and embrace that. i have tended to run from anything routine, feeling trapped. but it is important to embrace if i want to have more consistency and at least not go up and down so much. anyway, that was more than you probably asked for. but it helped me to be able to share it with you... so thanks.

I don't have bipolar, but I have depression, and I haven't had a bad one in awhile but I'm getting into another one now I think. I can't take SSRIs so really exploring medication for me is not an option. I am on Wellbutrin and Epival but really I'm pretty sure they don't do ****. I want to come off of them entirely and find an herbal/natural way to approach mental health (acupuncture/massage/aromatherapy/herbalism/meditation/mindfulness/DBT/whatever).
I do what you're describing. As someone else mentioned, it helps calm me down. Oddly enough, when I'm planning my death I'm not actually thinking about carrying it out. I'm just locked in a fantasy like any other fantasy, and then I usually end up forgetting what I was thinking about. I don't think there's anything weird about it at all but if it gets to the point where you're like 'Hey that sounds like a good idea, think I'll try it' you should probably call 911 or suicide prevention or a crisis line or something.

No, that was great. Thank you for explaining that all to me!

Yeah, I get kind of a thrill just fantasising about it. It's just a calming thought... But sometimes it's scary. Like when I feel bad but I have to ride in the car. I always envision myself opening up the car door on the highway, unbuckling the seat belt, and jumping out. I hate it... I haven't gotten that to stop yet and so I've avoided going in the car too long without being really distracted. Somehow my mind always wanders...

I just started medication a few days ago... I hope it works without totally messing me up. I've also heard horror stories of people gaining lots of weight on this pill... If that happened I really would kill myself. I hope I lose 20 lbs, like some people have reported! But I mostly just want to feel less depressed. That's the least I expect from it.

Help with medication, please! http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...now-quick.html

Answered on your thread in the medications index.

Seems normal to me, not that its a good thing. I do it when im bored or in a bad mood or something. Usually im to unmotivated and tired to act on it but i like to have options.

Sorry you have crappy drs. Sometimes you have to go through several before you find the right one
I'm female and feel judgement from women drs but more listened to by men. I've come to the conclusion its because my mom is so judgemental of me so i fear my mom issues in most women. But i will say i eventually found a female dr who didn't make me feel that way i just don't get to ser het anymore due to transpertation issues. I'm curious about the hotline. What happens when you call because i always hang up the minute they ask my address out of fear someone will show up on my door step.

When I get suicidal there are a few things I do to relieve it. It seems if I feed it, so to speak, it sort of stands down.

1. I go to borders books, get a ice coffee from the cafe, sit in the psychology section and read the books on suicide. I even bought a book written by a psychologist as if he is talking to you. It is called "Suicide the forever decision".
2. Google suicide and read blogs and articles
3. Go to Suicideforum.com
4. Get rid of things I really do not use. Pack up clothes,jewelry stuff that I do not use on a everyday basis. I feel it is less they have to do when I am gone.
5. Write down all the things I would miss if I was dead.....like vanilla ice cream, crisp fall mornings...even if it is silly.
6. Think about what my funeral would be like and who would be hurt the most. The impact I would leave on the living.
7. Think about what would happen if I actually chose to live.
8. Rent scary horror movies

.....

@moxie

Great suggestions! I do lack the empathy to care about other people, though. Suicide doesn't bother me much now...

I just feel like I'm doomed. Like I've already set myself on a course for a bad ending so what's the point in sticking around? I'm just watching myself waiting to see the "train wreck" and can't pull my eyes away. I don't want to kill myself but I want someone to kill me or to take some action to actually change my path.