I live alone now and I work alone. I know a lot of aquaintances but I don't have any friends. I'm trying to get as far away from my family as I can because they make me feel like I'm a worthless piece of crap, so, I don't have much contact with them.
I've given up on men. They just frustrate me because either I like them and they don't feel the same for me or vice versa. I can't seem to find a mutual attraction/caring for someone.
I can't remember the last time I've been hugged.
My dogs are the only physical "beings" I've had contact with in awhile.

It makes me want to go out and have a one night stand but I know that's only going to make me feel bad about myself in the aftermath.

I wonder what purpose I serve being here on earth. I wonder why I'm taking up space, air and time.
I know I'm not going out much. I know I should go to a class or do some volunteer work and if I did then I'd probably find some real friends but I'm afraid.
I'm not good with people. I use to be. I don't know what happened. I've lost all of my self esteem. They say people can't love you until you've learned to love yourself. Well that doesn't help me out much. I'm my own worst enemy. It's a catch22 and it sucks.
I'm feeling really blecky and whiney.
I created this mess-now how the heck am I going to get myself out of it?

[Sabrina]

You sound so very lonely. I think many of the feelings that you are going through right now might be because of that. I wish I could come over there and give you a hug but I also know that probably won't help in the long run.

I have wondered so many of the same things that you are. And yes, even though happily married, I am still my own worst enemy. So I really identify with that. You are right - it is very catch22.

I wish I could give you a magical formula on how to get out of the feelings you are experiencing - I am sorry that you are feeling so down.

My thoughts are with you.

Hi Sabrina,
Thank you for your reply and your wanting to come over and give me hugs.
I am lonely. I need to get out and that's the end of the story. I can't keep, keeping to myself. I like people and I like going out- I have to get myself out of this comfort zone.
((((Sabrina))))))

[Sabrina]

And comfort zones are mighty difficult to break out of. You are half way there - just by admitting that you need to get out.

It is not easy, I know!

Sending you lots of strength!

Hi again,
I'm going to volunteer at Petsmart to help with the animals they put up for adoption. I can definetly do that. I loooove animals!! I'll go there this weekend to see if they need anybody. If not then I'll find something else.
Thanks again, Sabrina. I can feel the stregnth you've sent me and it's helping.

[Mystry]

Hey Jax...Thanks for your support in my hours of need...working with animals is such a good job and the rewards are worth every second...I used to work at a kennel and the nicest people I ever met were the animals...keeping an open mind is a start when looking for real friends...I maybe an old man but my arms are still strong and virtual hugs are yours anytime you need my friend...

((((((({{{{{{{{{{[[[[[[[[[JAX))))))))))))))}}}}}}}}}}}}]]]]]]]]]]]

Thank you so much Mystry. ((((((((((((((Mystry))))))))))))
Animals are the nicest people! But they're not so good with conversations.

[Determined]

Hey I will join you and we can have a pity party together. What can we do to shake these blues? I don't want to start too much more to keep track of so volunteering or whatever won't work. I have to find something simple to get me out of this.

Yeah, I can understand that. I'm only going to do a few hours a week. Something to get me around the same group of people on a regular basis. I'm hoping I'll "fit in". That might be too tall of an order. I've always been an outcast.

[PasDeDeux]

((( Jax)))) YOU ARE SO NOT a worthless piece of crap ..I only read your first post but your dogs love you.....many people in here love you and you can maybe walk dogs for people who are unable to..maybe due to aids or cancer.....then you could re-establish human contact while you are mostly with dogs

Hi PasDeDeux,
That's a good idea but I can be around dogs at Petsmart. I want to be around people.
((((PasDeDeux)))))

[PasDeDeux]

Understood jax but you would meet people maybe even setting up a pet sitting business....I just didnt want you to be overwhelmed by people to start with. Barnes and Nobel and Starbucks has lots of people too

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Jax )))))))))))))))

[MyBestKids2]

I am so sorry you are feeling so sad and lonely. Your words of caring and empathy on my posts and during our chat have always been uplifting for me. I wish I could give you a magical "pill" to make it all go away (like we need another one of those). Sometimes, just knowing that I am a part of such a caring and wonderful community as PC makes the day seem a bit brighter. I hope you are able to feel a little better at PetSmart. Sending you a soft hug, and my best thoughts!

[alittlehoshime]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Jax2923 said:
I live alone now and I work alone. I know a lot of aquaintances but I don't have any friends. I'm trying to get as far away from my family as I can because they make me feel like I'm a worthless piece of crap, so, I don't have much contact with them.
I've given up on men. They just frustrate me because either I like them and they don't feel the same for me or vice versa. I can't seem to find a mutual attraction/caring for someone.
I can't remember the last time I've been hugged.
My dogs are the only physical "beings" I've had contact with in awhile.

It makes me want to go out and have a one night stand but I know that's only going to make me feel bad about myself in the aftermath.

I wonder what purpose I serve being here on earth. I wonder why I'm taking up space, air and time.
I know I'm not going out much. I know I should go to a class or do some volunteer work and if I did then I'd probably find some real friends but I'm afraid.
I'm not good with people. I use to be. I don't know what happened. I've lost all of my self esteem. They say people can't love you until you've learned to love yourself. Well that doesn't help me out much. I'm my own worst enemy. It's a catch22 and it sucks.
I'm feeling really blecky and whiney.
I created this mess-now how the heck am I going to get myself out of it?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Dearest ((((((((((((((((((JAX))))))))))))))))))))) you might be thinking is it ur here to suffer ???? have u ever felt that before? Well I felt that before. ANd I do relate to you. The fact that ur not alone and its no coincidence that ur here in this Falling World. my dear fren I dont have to tell you what exactly that I've gone thru unless i know u well enough and if im ready. But look at the world my dear fren what do u see ???its not just you whom suffer. The fact that there's a lots of ppl out there whom is more suffer than you do you be able to work and have some pocket money to support ur life this is a blessings that u need to learn to be content. That most of the ppl dont have a job especially the poor and needy. yet they're happy and content ( i really solute them) they dont expect much in life look at ppl whom is disabled physically. blind , crippled yet they still strive to survive and persevere and fight on. I do have family problems wont be able to work permanet due to my illness yet i still need to work today i felt happy that i be able to work at my church ( just a small task ) despite that i vomitted through out the day or felt nausea but i still must do and fight this "thing" in me. Yup being outwardly focus like do some volunteer work do what is good will help u instead of being into ur own world I know this becoz i've been thru that before.I was being called "stupid" and being bullied since young and it does effect my self-esteem but i work it out and get it back. just simply doing something out there help ppl out there whom is less fortunate than u do . I bet that u felt ur worth than anything in the whole world. ( materialistic) U r precious my dear fren. and GOD loves U even if u dont believe in GOD.......... cya tc byeee.

with love
carol@hoshime unami

[heartspace]

Why do you think you created your situation? I think you're being too critical of yourself. Please don't look at your circumstances that way.
I admire your strength in moving away from a family that has caused you pain, but appreciate that it means you have had to move to a place where you don't know anyone - yet.
Jax, I've read a lot of your posts, and you seem like such a lovely person. I don't see why you'd have any problems making friends. Honestly.
I'm glad you have dogs. Pets are very special and I think you can tell a lot about the decency of a person by their attitude towards animals.
(((Jax)))
As for the men, they tend to pop up when you least expect them (my husband did).
Please stop blaming yourself for your circumstances, k?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Jax2923 said:
I live alone now and I work alone. I know a lot of aquaintances but I don't have any friends. I'm trying to get as far away from my family as I can because they make me feel like I'm a worthless piece of crap, so, I don't have much contact with them.
I've given up on men. They just frustrate me because either I like them and they don't feel the same for me or vice versa. I can't seem to find a mutual attraction/caring for someone.
I can't remember the last time I've been hugged.
My dogs are the only physical "beings" I've had contact with in awhile.

It makes me want to go out and have a one night stand but I know that's only going to make me feel bad about myself in the aftermath.

I wonder what purpose I serve being here on earth. I wonder why I'm taking up space, air and time.
I know I'm not going out much. I know I should go to a class or do some volunteer work and if I did then I'd probably find some real friends but I'm afraid.
I'm not good with people. I use to be. I don't know what happened. I've lost all of my self esteem. They say people can't love you until you've learned to love yourself. Well that doesn't help me out much. I'm my own worst enemy. It's a catch22 and it sucks.
I'm feeling really blecky and whiney.
I created this mess-now how the heck am I going to get myself out of it?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thank you Heartspace, Mybestkids2, Fuzzybear and again PasDeDeux. I appreciate your kind words and hugs.
Alittlehoshime, I wasn't sure what to make of your post. It's sounds sweet on the one hand but on the other it's like you're saying "yeah, so what, there are others who have it so much more worst than you".
Yes, I know-thanks for pointing that out. What I'm going to say next is going to sound a little nasty but it's not aimed at you but you did hit a sore spot, a trigger of sorts and I'm going to express this to the people who originally made the spot sore-not you, my family...
(AGAIN, this is NOT aimed at you-)
I've had it up to my eyeballs with people telling me how much more others are suffering than me. I'm tired of people outpaining me, been there done that, oh but what about those who don't have any arms or legs- ********!
I DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE RIGHT NOW I'M IN PAIN AND I WANT TO CONCENTRATE ON MYYYYYYYY PAIN AND NOT THEIRS-
When I'm finished with my pain then I'll cry them a river okay?
Okay!
Whew! Had to get that out of my system.
Anyway, (((((((((everyone and you too ohlittlehoshime)))))))))
Thank you!

I do care about your pain, I do care about other people's pain but all my life everyone elses pain has ALWAYS discredited mine and I need to be allowed to be selfish if you would grant me that. I'm so very tired of being the one who sits and listens for hours on end to everyone's problems and I dont mind if I can help by doing so but when I open up my mouth to talk about my pain I get BAMMED and told I'm feeling sorry for myself and what are you crying about and yada yada yada.
I'm sorry if you're taking this personally ohlittlehoshime, like I said, you hit a nerve.
Anyway, like I said, I'm trying to rectify the problem by going to do volunteer work.

Just a little something for you... You can use it as a signature if you like.

I hope the light soon will shine on you, dear one!

Hehehe, it's orange like a cheese puff. (YUM) Yes, but I don't know how to post pictures to my signature.

((((((((Poetrylover))))))))) Thank you

Hihihihi....

Glad you liked it!

Write like this under Edit profile and the area where to put a signature.... I had to use space in between, but you have to write everything in a row without any space in between.
[image] http://www.cenara.com/users/ce01922/images/Jax.gif [/image]

It's not working for me.

Look at the attached file and copy the exact code... don't change it at all.

[Fuzzybear]

boy oh boy have I been there

Jax