first day in my dorm and i want to leave.

i don't know if this should be posted here but I have severe depression so I guess so.

I'm painfully shy and it's nearly disabling. As well as depressed, and I have dependent personality disorder traits.

This morning my mother went with me to move in my dorm. She left a few hours later because we had other people with us and they wanted to go home. And after they left, I laid down on my bed, looked at my phone, looked at my kindle. An hour or two passed and I started texting people telling them I was miserable. One of my friends, and then my mother. Then my mom's friend.

My mom wouldn't come get me. So I stayed in my dorm the entire day with the door shut, from 11 in the morning to 11:46 at night (the time right now). I could hear the people in the hall talking and making a lot of noise. I didn't do anything but cry all day and text people and think about going to the mental hospital. I didn't end up going, because I searched on google and couldn't find the place I went a couple of times...

Today was move in day for the dorms and classes will start next week. I'm already thinking of just cancelling it all, the dorm and college and just going back home. I've texted my mom all day that I wanted to go home. I'm so miserable. I can't do this. I've only left my dorm twice and that was just to go to the bathroom but I could hardly leave for that.

This is an expensive, not to mention huge, overwhelming university and maybe it'll be good if I get out of it early. So I don't have to go on and waste all my mom's money for nothing.

I feel stupid for thinking I could do this. I should've known I needed to take baby steps, not a massive leap forward. My mother was very overprotective, so I'm extremely dependent on her, and it doesn't help that I'm so shy too. So what do I do with my life. I can't think of anything I can do. It's like I'm disabled I'm so shy and depressed. I don't know what to do. I don't.

I'm still just sitting here. Crying. Don't know if I'll be able to sleep. But I'm exhausted. My mom's gonna come to my dorm tomorrow and she said we'd "talk". I hope she'll let me come home. but still I don't know if I should give this a try. but I honestly don't think I can do it. I'm already so horribly miserable and it's only the first day. I don't adjust well. Actually I never adjust to social situations. I never did in high school. Never had any friends. Why did I think I'd be different in college.

also... I'm a disappointment. My uncle, everyone, was so excited about me going here. Sure I haven't given it a chance but I know I can't do it. And I knew it before too, I was just deluding myself.

How pathetic do you think I am.

I can't imagine that anyone else in the world has ever quit college after one day of living in the dorms.

How old are you? And what school? Do you have guy or girl roommates?

The first few weeks are the hardest. When I started I had a room mate and she and I were NOT compatible (she was all about parties and boyfriends and sororities and she looked down on me because I didn't have designer purses and stuff.

After a few months we did some room swapping and my new room mate was much more friendly and like me and wasn't there to impress anybody she just wanted an education.

I am a quiet person myself but I started reading/studying in the commons room on the floor and that gave me the opportunity to talk to the people I didn't know. Some them I ended up liking as friends, some not.

I know it is hard and you are scared and you don't know if you can handle it but this is a great opportunity for you to grow as a person in many ways. You don't have to be perfect, just give it a try.

Yes, I imagine is it very hard. Please give yourself some time to adjust. No one expects you to be someone else just because you are somewhere else. It sounds like you have lots of people rooting for you, people who know you.

College is not high school ....everyone reading this is saying AMEN! It is so much better. It really is true.

Take one day at a time, that is your baby step. Try to be present where you are, without the electronic crutches, at least for a little while every day.

Please keep us updated, I only wish you the very best as you take this great step...

I had a really difficult time too when I went, but I chose to go 1500 miles away, so there was no turning around on a moment's notice. Keep in touch with friends and family. Since it's a big university, try heading over to health services and hook yourself up with someone to talk to about all this. It's a HUGE adjustment, having some extra support will likely help. I am wicked shy also, but I had a roommate that was more outgoing and forced me to be more open. I started leaving my dorm door open when we were in there so others could stop by and say hello. It sounds like a big step, but you would be surprised to know how many people probably feel a lot like you do. Most everyone there has few to no friends at the moment. Even if you don't want to hang out, having a bit of other human contact can help. Can you go for a walk on campus? You will need to know where you are going for classes, so a walk would be a good way of familiarizing yourself with buildings and such AND you can do it alone
Give yourself some time to adjust to the new surroundings and way of life. If you still feel this lost in a few weeks, then talk about maybe returning home, but give yourself a chance to succeed. Take your kindle out into a common area, pick a corner if it feels better, and just try to sit there for 5 minutes. If you still feel freaked out after 5 minutes, return to your room (but try to leave the door open). While going away to school is a huge step, you can take baby steps in making it feel like a positive decision. I cried a lot the first few weeks of my first semester, but it eventually became easier. Going away to school was the best decision I ever made, but also the hardest. NWgirl is right, college is NOTHING like high school. See if you can psych yourself up for your classes, it might help take your mind off the social aspect of it all. ((hugs)) you can do this. baby steps.

18... a university with 20,000 students. I have one female roommate who hasn't moved in her stuff yet.

I went home today. Going back tomorrow. I'm very depressed. But I have been for almost seven years so I guess it doesn't really make a difference.

Moving to a new place and starting college can be daunting, scary, and paralyzing. I completely understand and I am glad that you are giving it a try it seems. First things first, don't give up. You can do this. Remember that you are looking through a depression filter, kind of like looking through blue tinted sunglasses, and it colors everything you experience right now. Build a support network, friends, family, and see what the school has to offer as far as counseling and psychiatry. Reward yourself when you take a positive step, i.e. walking down the hall and using the bathroom. I know it sounds silly, but hey, you did and got out of your room.

One of the things that has always helped me, is having a person in my life that keeps me accountable. For me that's my mom. When I am down, she tells me to pick myself and move forward and not entertain my negative thoughts. I know this may seem harsh, but sometimes it is good to have someone that will help you get out of your spiraling thoughts instead of placating your mood.

I hope this helps. And remember, you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I went to a huge university (FSU) and stayed for two weeks before I went back home. I was as miserable as you are. I completely understand where you're coming from. I even had friends at the school, tuition paid for, and a job lined up. But I couldn't do it. I had some sort of mental breakdown where I was going to attempt suicide if someone didn't come get me and bring me home, so after two weeks of texting my mom and telling her how much I hated it there, she came and got me and took me home. I felt like a huge disappointment too, and my aunt told me I was doing it for the attention (but that's another story). Don't feel bad if you have to come home. If you're like me, a large university just might not be your style. Have you considered community college to start? That's where I ended up, and I lived at home. Once I graduated from there, then I went to a university, but a small one, which was only 18 miles from home. I'd say to give the university a chance, but if you really are as miserable as I was, going home might be the best option. Check out your local community colleges. I waited a semester before I started at the community college and I just worked for a few months until school started.

When my parents dropped me off at uni I screamed at them they were abandoning me and chased their car out of the car park banging on the windows. The next few weeks were terrifying, somehow I got through that and my parents wouldn't let me come home, they said if I came home they'd just drive me back there again.

Once I settled in I had 3 of the best years of my life.

That said the drop out rate at unis in the first few weeks is very high from people who just don't like it.

I'd say find the uni's health office, see if you can sign on to talk to someone about receiving support for an existing mental health issue and try to stick it out for at least two weeks. After that if you still hate it then think again. But what is two weeks out of your life?

It's a massive change and you need an adjustment period.

I bonded with my flat mates over a few dozen cans of beer, but I've the feeling you're in America so the age is 21?

I also made sure I came home as often as I could to visit and see my family. When times were hard I just reminded myself it wasn't long until I was visiting home again.

Oh, nevergoodenough, you take me back to the Fall of 1964 like it was yesterday! I was a Freshman at Florida State University, and I remember watching my folks drive off leaving me standing in front of my dorm. I felt abandoned, orphaned ... OMG, cry? I did, in abundance.
When I called home the next day, my folks flatly refused to come get me. They lived half the state away and both wanted to "rescue me" (I found out later) but each lectured the other that I'd been shy and depressed much of life, and it was important that I know they believed I could do this--grow up, go to college, find my way. They were always there for me ... but I couldn't move back home.
I ended up getting a PhD and my college years were in some ways the best of my life. I'm 67 now, have since learned I'm bipolar not depressed and getting correctly diagnosed & treated helped.
But your post brought back that doubt, terror, desire to hide out forever in my cave. I still have my cave, but I use it wisely & I have had a mostly wonderful life.
Parents raise their children, and good parents help their kids find their own way into the world. That's where you find your life--parents become friends and part of your support system.
Your university has counselors and dozens of first-time students a lot like you. Ask for help from the school, and you'll find out how "normal" you are. tee hee ... a whole lot like me, as i was nearly half a century ago. Other than being a bipolar, recovering alcoholic, I turned out super-great!!
Roadie

You might just feeling the "fresh" jitters. It's a human natural reaction to change to be anxious. But your words sounded like much more. It may be good if you have someone to talk to. Sometimes we just need to talk. We are always here if you need any support.

XOXO

Almost positive that's not all it is but thank you for your reply.

Can you commute from home?

My first couple of weeks were traumatic. Not because of being left there. just because of dorm life politics.

I ended up learning how to use chat rooms, this was back in the DOS days of IRL(Internet Relay Chat), a couple years before the internet, and chat rooms that we now know.

By my second year, I found myself buckling down in my studies. And Actually, by my second semester, I was leading a two-home life. I found a job, close to home. My college(it's now classified a university) was about 45 minutes away from home. And I was able to use the bus/subway/commuter rail method of commuting to and from. I doubled up certain days, on classes, and left 2-3 days, per semester, free to go home and work.

I was already, tired, of the lifestyle of dorm-living. My first couple of weeks, were that traumatic.

It worked for me, and I ended up meeting lots of commuter students. Is commuting to school, possible?

The education matters. To each their own, on their collegiate social experience.

If I move back in my house I'm never going to leave it. And anyway my mom's already paid for the dorm and I'm here. I doubt anyone's ever cancelled before after just a few days. I feel like the education doesn't matter. Not for someone who doesn't feel sociable enough to work anyway. Nothing matters anymore. Only reason I came here is cause I thought I'd blend in and maybe make friends but I'm too shy to leave my room. I'm stupid. Can't believe I thought I could do it. Thought if I made friends my life would have meaning since I've never had friends. But I can't do it. I'm a failure and I hate this life, this disorder.

I cried my whole first week at college and it's when my anxiety disorder and depression really started to kick in. By the time graduation came I was actually sad to leave. It will get better. What is your biggest fear? Not making any friends? Attending classes?

Have classes started yet? What are you majoring in?

Have you met your roommate yet? Try to get friendly with her and make you'll make more friends through her. There must be a psychologist on campus. Try talking to him/her. Maybe there's a doctor in town they can refer you to if they think medication will help you.

Good luck.

My biggest fear, uh, making a fool out of myself, being rejected, being alone, people disliking me, never being able to talk to anyone.

No. Monday. Undeclared.

I'm already on medication. But that's not gonna help my level of shyness.