Losing hope

The depression is finally wearing me thin.
I have an appointment with a new T on tuesday the 20th of August but I wish it was tomorrow.
I have become so run down with the day to day fight against depression. I have been doing pretty well but new stress has taken me back down even farther than I was before.
I can't live like this anymore.
I am tired of fighting this disease. I am tired of people who don't understand mental illness. I am sick of all of my financial pressure and if anything, that will be my undoing.
I am tired of being alone and having no one to love. This is not life. Its just drudgery and its killing me.

Sure, I will get jacked up on caffiene and forget all this for a while...but soon it will be back and I will be bleary eyed and on the verge of tears that wont come. Then it will be time to go fake it at work again for 8 more hours...pretend that I give a crap...and return home to an empty apartment where I have nothing but my stuff. I dont even have much stuff.
I am whining, so please excuse my post. This is not normally like me, but I am afraid its what I am becoming and I must put an end to it.
So I hope to get some new meds soon...I gotta get happy cause I cant handle this down depression crap any longer.

if i could give you a real hug i would, so just imagine i am haha. i know EXACTLY how you feel right now, and it is a feeling i wouldnt want to wish on my worst enemy. have you tried to exercise? i know it may be hard to push yourself, but whenever i feel down i just drop and do pushups and the endorphins kick in. if all else, please dont hesitate to PM me if you need somebody to talk to. nobody should go through this alone.

SpiritofaStorm, I feel the same way. Spent most of the day on the sofa with thoughts racing. Did call a friend that also suffers from depression, only to find her in worse shape than me. Now the tears keep coming. I don't see any way out. I hope you get some relief when you go to your appointment.
gayle

I'm so sorry you are so miserable. Have you tried medication? That is all that makes me better.I had to go back to mt pdoc for 2 years to get the right mix of meds but it works for me.
It takes so much energy to put on a happy face and go out into the world. Then to come home to an empty apt. is really sad. Have you ever thought of getting a little pet? Parakeets are wonderful company but they need companionship. If you aren't home much of the day 2 parakeets would be best. Another great choice is white mice or rats. My niece has a female white rat and she is so affectionate and sweet. She's really clean also( the rat, not my niece).
I haven't got any friends either. Don't know why.
If I could figure out a way to gather up all the folks on this forum who can't find friends and be a group or something I would. Then we'd have each other.
I hope your new T is good

Thanks bharani1008,
I was previously on meds and couldnt handle the side effects so I stopped taking them.
I did rather well for a while on my own but I am back to that place where I need meds and am more willing to take them and adjust them than ever before.
Pets....I dunno. I don't have any real stability built into my life right now so that wouldnt be a good option for me or the pet. What I dream of is a really awesome aquarium because of how much I adore fish and the ocean. I would love a huge one....100 gallons. Maybe one day.

Hi Spirit,
I know how you feel, I have no fight left in me anymore.
I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for so long, I don't care anymore.
I've tried so many meds, I've lost count.
I'm in hell and can't escape.

I know how you feel. I don't think anyone I work with would say I'm chipper, but I highly doubt anyone knows the depth of my depression.

The only thing that got me out of bed today was the fact my dog peed in it. Literally. (He's very ill.) So, I managed to move my mopefest to the couch and do some laundry.

And, no, you're not whining. Depression puts is all in a place where we need to vent and reach out once in a while. Good luck at the doc on Tuesday.

The good news is that I am not anywere near as down as I was when I started this thread.
But everything I typed the first time is still true.
Still worn down, tired of being alone, blah blah blah.
I hope to start turning all this around this week.

So good that you are looking forward to the future! Yet understanding, too, where you are today.