[broken_hearted]

My heart aches to be loved, to be held, cared about, to have a husband who is my best friend, who I can trust in every way, who has Godly values, who has compassion for others, who wants to help those less fortunate, etc..... I'm sure you get the picture. My husband is the opposite and it breaks my heart. He is angry all the time because he sees other people travel, buy new cars, etc...... and we are unable to at this time. The anger has consumed him as if it's eating him alive and he takes it out on me. He is cold, heartless, and angry. I can't be close to him. He won't let me. He won't reach out. He goes to work then comes home and sits in his chair and watches TV. That is his life. He won't even come to bed at night more than half of the time. I want us to be best friends but I don't even feel like his wife. He doesn't treat me like his wife. In front of his family or friends he puts on a facade so they will think he is this perfect husband to me. As soon as we are alone he treats me like I am invisable or I don't matter to him. I am so lonely and so hurt. I've cried so much it's hard to believe I have any tears left but more seem to come. I am also very angry. Angry at myself for marrying him. Angry at him for not putting to use what our marriage counseler is telling him to do. He won't even try. I don't want a divorce but I can't live the rest of my life like this.

Thank you for listening. I appreciate it.

Brokenhearted

[Rohag]

Hello, Broken_Hearted. I'm sorry for your agony and loneliness.

Has your husband always been this way, or did he become angry and withdrawn? Can you trace his path to his current state? (No need to answer the questions.) I'm glad you are in some kind of counseling.

Best wishes for a healing resolution.

[broken_hearted]

Hi Rohag.. Thank you for writing. I think it's the way he was raised that has caused him to think the way he does and to treat women the way he does. He was raised by his grandparents who were old school. Wife does what the husband says like it or not. The woman does it "all". Inside the house and out. The husband works and when he gets off work he comes home sits in his chair and watches TV for the rest of the evening and the woman waits on him hand and foot. I told him it's the 2000's and slavery went out many years ago. This is an every night ritual. He has no friends. On the surface friends but nothing of value and substance. He won't be my friend. I am so full of hurt that I feel I am suffocating. According to him he is right and I am never right. I am a woman and beneath him. If I tell him something he has to find proof from somone else instead of just beieving me. My self esteem is non existant. It's hard to tell all that has gone on but it all plays with how this marriage is in trouble.

Take care.... broken_hearted

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello, Broken_Hearted. I'm sorry for your agony and loneliness.

Has your husband always been this way, or did he become angry and withdrawn? Can you trace his path to his current state? (No need to answer the questions.) I'm glad you are in some kind of counseling.

Best wishes for a healing resolution.

[madisgram]

i'm so sorry you have to feel so alone. it doesn't sound as if he is willing or able to be a good partner. do you think he may deal with his have-nots in such a way that it has made him depressed? there are so many ppl right now with less than they used to have. doesn't give one solace knowing that but lots of ppl are coping with this dilemma. it sounds like he has withdrawn from the world. or do you think it is just you he withdraws from?
i too am curious if his behavior has changed somewhat recently or if your marriage has been off track all along. reply if you're comfortable doing that.

[broken_hearted]

Hi.... My husband lives like he is single. That is a lot of the problem. He feels no need to include me in any decisions. He does what he wants when he wants and how he wants. He has told me that money is the most important thing in life. My friend of 20 yrs was in great need financially at one time. She had nothing. My husband refused to help her. He said he worked for the money and he is going to keep it. He gets mad because I want to help people (if we are able to). He gets mad if I do anything for my own children (from a different marriage).

My husband was raised by his Grandparents so he has the same beliefs. The woman does all the housework, works in the yard, does all the shopping, does all the laundy, etc.... and she is to let him rest in his chair watching TV (what "he" wants to watch) every single night. The house is in need of many repairs but he won't do it because he wants to watch TV. He expects me to wait on him hand and foot. His Grandparents raised him to believe money is God. It's rathe sad because they did him such a deservice not teaching him about love and relationships. All they drilled in him is money, money, money. I think that is sad. He's been married 3 times (I'm the 3rd) and he has been in many relationships in between and has cheated on everyone of them, even on me. The compassionate part of me is sad for him. The wife part of me wants to be loved, have a best friend, be put first, cared about, not lied to , not hurt etc..... He is more worried about the money than he is about us getting a divorce. I think honestly he feels if we did divorce he'd have more money because he started complaining about how much I am costing him in doctor bills and meds. I felt so guilty that I tried going off of them but I got real sick.

He played so many facades before we were married that I thought he was one way and after we married the real man came out and I don't like him. I love him but I don't like him. Our values are completely different. He said his friends used to call him "Tin Man" because he has no heart. That says a lot don't you think?

I am rambling. I am sorry. Not sure if I answered your questions. So much inside I don't know what to do with it.

May I ask about you? How are you?

brokenhearted

[Lilleth]

Ever thought that maybe you would be better off on your own. surely its better to kmow that any unhappiness you would suffer without him could not be worse than you are already going through. He just sounds like a very selfish person who cares nothing for your feelings.

[peaofsweetness]

I'm going through something similar. My husband is wealthy so not jealous of other peoples possessions, but like other post worships his money. It's more important that anything else. He never says our or we; it's always my mine and I. Like another post he does exactly what he likes when he likes and I'm sure he feels I should be grateful that he can provide me with the lifestyle we enjoy. Of course it's a lifestyle he wants. I just want the simple things from my new marriage, love, kindness, feel valued, feel appreciated and not just his latest possession. I want to share my thoughts and feeling, have a best friend, know there's someone there for me etc. In fact, when I think about it, he treats his new car and boat with more respect! Feeling very sad, lonely and dare I say it bullied.