[Beautiful_Pain]

I've had a really bad week, the last 2-3 days have been really crappy. It got bad enough I can't hide it and put on my happy face at all. I've tried the things that sometimes help, and none of them are helping now. Deep, deep depression. On the verge of psychotic, with my voices going, and not just the regular 2...LOTS. They keep looking at me, staring at me...and I hate being stared at. I'm sad, angry, scared, I don't want this anymore. Not the physical pain, the crappy emotional pain, or the really crappy mental *****. I don't know what to do, I don't think I want to die...but I don't know what else to do. I'm lost and alone.

I feel bad for posting, I haven't been giving/replying much recently. But I haven't felt good in months, so weak and hurting.

Hi Beautiful_Pain, don't feel bad about not replying to others' posts etc. You need to take care of yourself first.

Are you on meds? Are you seeing someone re the symptoms you are describing?

These might help so you don't go through this on your own...

hi beautiful_pain, may i just say that you are not alone in this. We here at PC understand what you are going through and you certainly dont need to apologise for not replying much. you have to be happy within yourself to be able to commit to others.

to be as low as you are is so so hard. i was there once. i know how lonely it can be, but there is a way out of it. i dont know you very well so i dont know what your interests/passions are, so all i can sya is to keep up doing them and keeping positive influences around you, even if its watching a film, listening to the radio, reading a book, art, etc. these help stimulate your mind and even though it may feel it isnt helping, it works on your inner self and keeps it staying strong.

you are strong BP, i can see that. its sometimes the best way to deal with depression, to just sit back and accept it, accept how it makes you feel and go from there. the more we fight these feelings the harder it is.

are you going to therapy for your depression? are you on meds? i see someone has already asked but i though i would ask again.

have faith in yourself, BP. trust that your mind will work itself out, you need to help it stay nourished, and thats why you should continue doing things that normally make you happy. without positives, the mind finds it harder to heal itself.

i hope things ease up for you very soon, im here if you need me ok. you dont have to be alone, and by being here at PC, that certainly isnt true.

take care and good luck.

simon

[Christina86]

(((((((((Beautiful_Pain))))))))))

First, like other people have said - take care of YOU first. You can't help anyone if you're not feeling good yourself.

If you're on the verge of becoming psychotic, is there anyone you can talk to about that? It doesn't sound like a good spot to be in, let alone by yourself.

You don't want to die - you just want to stop feeling crappy. Perfectly normal. I've been there. It sucks.

I'm sorry. Please take care of yourself. *hugs*

((((((((((Beautiful Pain)))))))))))

[heartspace]

Hi beautiful_pain. Don't feel bad about reaching out just because you haven't been posting. I don't always feel up to posting or sometimes I'm just too busy but I'd like to think this is the sort of place where you can reach out when you need to, regardless.

Sorry you've been having such a horrible week. Hoping a much better one is on its way. If not don't hesitate to come back for more support (((Beautiful_pain)))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((( Beautiful Pain )))))))))))))

[Beautiful_Pain]

{{{{everyone}}}} Thank you for replying.

Nothing's changed, and to add to this, the bank decided to 'lose' 200$ of ours again. This is the 3rd or 4th time in 2 months. We cannot afford to be 200 short. We were going to put 150 of that aside so we could get propane, our only heat source. We've been out for a little over 2 weeks, and its down to freezing at night most of those two weeks. No hot water, either. So all the dishes are dirty, I've gone to my sister's to shower once.

Also, my mother has been treated for depression for about 3 years now. She also has anxiety now. She's scared to be alone, scared of the dark. Its adding to my stress, now, too.

Everything sucks big time

[junil3]

hi beautiful_pain, i just read your posting, and this is my first time coming to this site and i understand what you mean when you say this has been a sucky week it has. my partner is has been having a really rough time lately and i feel so bad becuase i don't know how to help him, i love him so much but it hurts to see him in so much pain.