I can't

Crying and I can't stop it.

What am I gonna do? I need to do something. I can't keep feeling like this.

I hate me I hate this I wish I knew how to get out of this. Is there a way to be happy again? Really?

I wish talking would help me. I just ... I want something. A hug, someone to understand me, anything bad to make this pain stop. Please just make it stop. I can't stand this anymore. I want to stop feeling like I'm drowning, I want to stop feeling like its never going to get better. I need it to get better.

Roller coaster, up and down and now way down. I wish my therapist hadn't decided that I was well enough to extend my appointment to every 4 weeks.

I wish I knew what to do.

I wish I liked me.

I don't.

((( canders )))

I'm sorry to hear you're so down. Wish I could give you a hug IRL.

Can you call T and tell him/her that 4 weeks is just too long and you need to see him/her earlier?

Are you on meds? Maybe now would be a good time to talk about an adjustment.

Keep talking to us. I hope you know how much people love you here.

canders.. Sweetie. pm me if you need to talk....

I can't Petunia. Don't want to be a bother. People worse off patient-wise than me. She told me so.

Not on meds.

Thanks Petunia. I love all of you here - I'm sorry I'm wallowing.

Talking to me is the easiest way to get fed up with me awfully quickly. I'm not nice to talk to. Or to help.

Thanks though (((((((esthervirtue))))))

Canders....

You are worth talking to hun.....
You deserve to be just as much as the rest of us!!

If you need someone to talk to, I am here for you & please don't hesitate.... It doesn't matter what you think.... I know you are a wonderful person & I would like to be here should you need to talk!!

Flinty
XOXOXOXO

Not on meds.

Is that something you're willing to try? It has helped me out a lot.

My guess is T told you that because you are not "fessing up" to how you really feel or what's really going on with you.

You are not wallowing. You are sharing how you feel. That's a good thing.

((((((((Flinty)))))))))

Dear dear Flinty, thank you! Really.

Petunia,

I think I would be willing but I have a tiny problem. I can't be truthful. I hide. It helps and hurts me. Not enough people actually know how I really feel in real life. And I can't ever ever let my parents find out. Especially about drugs, let alone the therapy!!

I suppose that could be why she said that. Or maybe she really thought I was telling the truth? I'm so confuzzled. I know, its my mess - I made it and its my responsibility to get out of, just don't know how.

I feel like I'm wallowing. And don't particularily like sharing how I feel. Am a bit more guarded about bad emotions.

Thanks Petunia

I made it and its my responsibility to get out of, just don't know how.

I know it's hard to see hope when we're always "cloaked" in darkness, but it seems to me if you could try your hardest to open up to your T, you would be taking a HUGE step into a way out.

Can you write her a letter? Print out this thread? Tell her you're having a hard time? See another T?

I know it's hard to help ourselves when we feel so yucky and blah, but try to care about yourself as much as you would someone else who felt this way.

I suppose I've gotta do something. What's happening right now isn't working. Scared so very scared. Everyone I've opened up to went byebye and I don't want that to happen. At least for a while anyways.

Petunia - thank you for all your wonderful wisdom. You're a treasure (Lookie! I'm grinning!)

Puppies. Think about puppies when your head hits the pillow tonight. Wet sloppy puppy kisses.

Canders....

I too used to have trouble telling those around me how I really felt....
I hid the fact that I was taking anti-depressants from my on family!! My parents or any of my friends ever knew!!!

I used to write.... Not to anyone, I would just write about how I was feeling on the inside, not what I showed on the outside.... it was very hard at first, but slowly I learnt that the more I wrote the more I wanted to say & the better I felt at the end.

Sometimes in life, we often struggle to say the things we wish to say, writting is a way of getting those out & not actually having to tell anyone!!

((((((((((((((((((((((CANDERS))))))))))))))))))))

Oh dear I won't be able to sleep then! I love puppies. As you've probably figured

Thanks Petunia - going to try sleep now. Have a goodnight yourself!

(((((((((Flinty)))))))))

Thank you Writing does help - and it looks like it worked tonight too!

Must try to write more!

Hi Canders,

Expressing how we feel can be messy and confusing at times, but eventually if we keep doing it, they start to make sense.

I get the feeling discussing how you felt was not something that people in your family did.

Start a new family tradition -- express your feelings: good, bad, indifferent or ugly. Blow them all away -- your family -- that is. Figuratively of course.

Love,

Jane

so sorry you are feeling so down...(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) a nice hug and pat on the back....everything will be okay...wish I could do this in person!!!

Hi Cristina,
I'm sorry You sad. Life is real unfair to some I really understand about trust issues wish that therapist I been there and done.did that that You feel like this
pm me please I feel bad also You ain't alone I hope to
You feel better.
Love Ya
Crista

((((Jane))))),

I like the part "Figuratively of course".

Thanks - I might as well try because my family can't be any more distant than they are currently.

((((((((Bethsway))))))))

Thanks! Hope everything will be okay too. Woke up this morning sick (ick!) but feeling better emotionally.

((((((Crista)))))))

Thanks you!

Sorry you're not feeling so great either.

Oh sweet ((((((((((((((((((( christina )))))))))))))))))))))))

You deserve, and should have, everything beautiful and peaceful. You are one of the sweetest souls I've ever met...sending PM's "just because"...just because you know they help with a "feel good". I hope the same for you that you help others to feel.

I'm glad you're feeling some better. We care for you so much...never forget that, ok?

Love and wishes,

KD

I just wrote a letter to my provider. I go see her next week & I am so ashamed at my recent behavior (overdose) that I didn't think I could face telling her in person. So now she knows what is up & I don't have to tell the story. It might help to write a letter to your therapist & explain how you are feeling. I would imagine she'd get you in before a month from now with how you are feeling. Also, you might want to consider meds. Have been very helpful for me. Take care.--Suzy

((((((((((((( canders )))))))))))

I'm so sorry that you have to feel this way.

(((((((((KD)))))))))

I know you all care. That's what makes me sad, right now I don't care about me and that isn't doing me any good. I like sending those PMs to people. They make me happy sometimes.

Thank YOU Kimmy