Light going out

Yesterday was a good day to start out with. My boyfriend had the day off so we were spending the day together. He came over and i made omletes and later on we packed a picnic and went to a park and ate it. Then after that We went for Icecream. After that i noticed that that dark shadow was slowly pushing its way in.
For dinner we went to my grandmas for pizza as everyone was talking i just wanted to be alone. I didnt feel like i could join the conversation. I felt likei was on the outside looking in the window.
We went to a concert at my church and I tried to enjoy the music but my thoughts kept getting louder. I wanted to leave but couldnt. It felt like my brain had a huge switch On is for happieness and off is for sad by the end of the day it was off.
We got back to my apartment to hang somemore but all i wanted to do was lay and stare at the wall. He noticed it. He tried so hard to get me to laugh and normally he can but i couldnt muster anything. Once he left tears rolled down my face. He Told me he would always be there for me. I want to be happy i truly do. If i could learn how to turn that switch on i would in a heartbeat. But that switch seems to weight more than I can Lift by myself.

it sounds like you went from having a good time to being overwhelmingly sad in the course of a day without any identifiable triggers. this must be very frustrating for you. I am sorry that you have to go through this.

It was frusturating i couldnt figure out why it happened. It was going to be a perfect day!

Sometimes those perfect days slip out of our control. And it's not your fault. Depression is frustrating, it can stain any wonderful day it chooses, and sometimes we just have let it win because the fight is so exhausting.

You have right to frustrated. When there is no warning you feel life get sucked away and put away far behind you and you're stuck watching from the outside in. I am glad your boyfriend is being supportive of you. I wish I could tell you from now on out you will have nothing but good days, but then I'd be lying. Bad days are going to happen. And it seems like you handled this one really well. Remember to practice self care and give yourself the time you need to recuperate. And know we are here for you.

Ya it really sucks when I go to bed feeling like sad and then waking up to having it still be there.

I know the feeling. One day I am happy, and care free, and then bam, I feel "off" and very confused as of why this happened and all I want to do is either stare at something or at the computer. In my case it kind of spiraled into an obsessive thought. I am going to the mental health doc on Tuesday to figure out what might be my cause.
Has this happened before? I am not a psychiatrist nor psychologist but maybe it's clinical depression, sometimes clinical depression doesn't have to have environmental triggers. If you can rule out that it's not any signs of a physical problem (ex. thyroid, hormones, ect.) I would suggest talking to a therapist about it and see what they say. It is better to get it checked out now to possibly prevent further happenings from getting worse.

We are here for you!

Also, have you talked to anyone in your family or maybe your boyfriend about it? (not sure how long you 2 have been together for you to feel comfortable enough to talk to him.)
At least let one person you trust know about this issue. It might make you feel better to talk to someone that knows you personally and that you can trust and they can help support you through your bad times. It might not make you feel 100% better, but it is a step!

My boyfriend is the only one who really knows about my issue, and he has been very supportive of me. So try to do the same with a family member or a friend.

We will always be here for you regardless.

Ive been on meds for depression so i know what it is. My boyfriend knows whats going on so do my family. I dont share much because I mostly want to be left alone. I know I should share more but I dont.

That is very understandable that you would rather be left alone. But are your meds helping you at all? Maybe you need to talk to your therapist about the happenings if you have not already?

Just recently got my meds upted so waiting for that to kick in. Ill tell my T next week.