[ouch]

Today I kept having flashbacks of when I was a child and in my head, kept repeating "I don't want to eat!!" It was a weird experience. I remembered being a child and being forced to eat liver and tomatoes (my 2 least favorite foods). My parents would yell at me and tell me that I could not leave the table until I finished everything on my plate.

I tried many ways of getting rid of my food (going to the bathroom and spitting it out, feeding it to my dog, throwing it into my sister's plate, hiding pieces of tomato under chicken bones), but none were successful for too long. I would sit for hours at the table, until finally I was forced to eat everything on my plate, cold (even meat I had spit out).

I know it's kind of graphic, but this is what keeps running through my mind. I wish these images would go away. Now, when I'm stressed (or depressed) I don't eat. Today I had to force myself after being immobile in bed for 3 hours, with these thoughts racing through my head. HELP!!! feel sooo lost!!! Am I destined to always be trapped by my childhood? I am now a woman in her early 30's - when will it stop?

[JustAPixie]

((((((((((( ouch ))))))))))

I don't know what to say... you already know that you are pouring your emtions into not eating, that's the way you want to regain control again. I wish I had some advice for you...

When will it stop? oh man have I ever asked that question and each time I was told no one knows. It just depends on when a person becomes desensitized from the situations depicted.

I follow a rape crisis counselors advice from when I was having major flashbacks when she was my therapist. She said to write the flashbacks, draw the flashbacks, create with crafts.. anything that I could think of to do. by doing this it tricks the brain into being used to what happened and no longer send the flashbacks out to me to be put together and so on. I go through lots of flashback cycles with each memory of each abuse situation I have gone through and each time I take care of it by following the rape crisis counselors advice they soon go away.

Hang in there it does get better.

i know that feeling of not eating. have just been recently in that situation, so i know where you are coming from.

the flashbacks are occuring now because it is letting you be aware that your body is now ready to deal with this "abuse" (i suppose you could call it that) you endured as a child. somethings happen to us when we are young that we forget about for a majority of our lives, then one day, it will begin creeping back into our memories, in your case flashbacks. as long as you continue to talk about how those situations made you feel and what you feel now about them, slowloy you can work your way through these flashbacks and they will disappear. it is definately a good sign that you are now ready to confront these feelings and deal with them accordingly. well done for speaking out about them, thats the first step.

try doing what myself said, and create the flashbacks. this will help you focus on them and that will help in the healing process.

take care and let me know how things go with it ok. im here if you need a chat.

simon

[Bethsway]

that sounds like a good idea Myself...the more you act out the situation, instead of trying to forget it...then maybe there won't be as much time dwelling on it...sounds like it could work to me!

Thanks

[Lilac_M]

this could be a stupid suggestion, but have you ever tried smelling something good when you're trapped into bad memories? Personally, when I'm stuck with bad thoughts I'm not able to force good positive thinking or memories, I'm totally caught in the flow. But smells work for me, they are powerful. Certain perfumes make me think back to happy times, some other smells I just like and I feel better when I smell them. I even bought some male deodorants 'cause I love them so much and when I smell them I can't help but picturing hot models lol
and if your problem is with food, how about smelling some food you really like to try and "change the subject"? Like I don't know, strawberry jam, or bread, these are smells that I love..
i hope this can work for you in particular...