I just can't cope.

My mother died five years ago when I was 16. I have had a hard time coping with her death, but through a great counselor I have come to terms with my grief.

Ever since I can remember I have been very attached to those close to me. Because of this, I get very sentimental when having to deal with change. I am currently a college students living in the dorms, and when I have to move back and forth between home and the dorms each break it's always the same situation: I cry for a few days about leaving the dorms when I return home for break. I cry for a few days when I have to leave home for the dorms when break has ended. I literally feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest and that I may die. I get so panicked and distraught that I do nothing but sleep and cry.

I was on medication for anxiety about a month ago, but discontinued it once I felt I was making progress in my counseling. I really hate change and I am a bit of a control freak. I believe this contributes to my grief in moving. If I had it my way, I would just stay in one spot forever.

I have talked to my counselor about my intense sadness over moving and change and she told me that this happens to a lot of people who lose a parent during their childhood. So, I guess I just really want to know if there is a way to fix this so I am not so tormented each semester? I am returning to the dorms tomorrow, and I feel like my heart is being ripped to pieces. Please help!

I have the same feelings of moving... I hate it and never want to even change my house around.

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I have talked to my counselor about my intense sadness over moving and change and she told me that this happens to a lot of people who lose a parent during their childhood.

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I had never heard this...I lost my dad to divorce when I was 5. I wonder if that is the same? I'm so glad you shared this.

Feeing so similarly to you, I have no advice, sorry. I hope someone else has great advice for you =) Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone and let you know also, the quote hit me. =)

I'm glad you have a good counselor.

I can relate to what you go through. Do you have special things that stay with you whether you are at home or dorms? Stuffed animals, pictures to hang on wall, blankets, anything like that?

Something else that helps me is scent. A favorite scented candle, incense, a satchel of lavender under my pillow, anything along those lines might help remind you that you are safe and sound.

Maybe you can figure out some sort of reward for when you achieve a move. You move and then reward yourself with a meal out, chocolate, a small treat, anything like that. Eventually this can help connect moving with an image of yourself as brave and courageous and worthy of reward.

Do you keep a journal? Can you draw and write about how you feel and about how you would like to feel?

great posts!!! i find that scents help me a lot. when i moved from NM, i was heartbroken because i didn't have sage here. i then realized that it had been an "anchor" for me being out there. and the reward system works well also. when i have to do something that i really, really dread, i always come up with a reward...however small or whatever. i reward myself with something. good luck and love, pat

I can relate to part of this. My mom died when I was 15, so I do know what you mean. Nostalgia can be tough for me, but 20 years later, it's inconvenient but not an obstacle. I put myself through a lot of change on a regular basis, so change itself isn't hard, but I can't think too hard about my childhood or else I get too nostalgic and it kind of overtakes me.

I understand the feeling even though my triggers are different than yours. Although I do not get along well with my dad, I dread the day he passes more than any other fear. You will see me institutionalized, most likely. So, I don't know how to make the feelings stop -- I guess my own coping method was that off suppression, which isn't all that healthy.

I'm sorry about your mom and I am here if you ever want to talk, frostbitten.

Love,
LMo

Sorry to hear you are struggling so much with this. Maybe keeping busy those first few weeks when you move from place to place will help. I know I keep a journal to write about what's bothering me. Maybe this will help you. Just a suggestion.

Hang in there.