Afraid to seek help and afraid not to

About 14 years ago, I experienced a very traumatic event. I was in the Navy at the time, and I was afraid to let anyone know what had happened. I began drinking to mask my feelings and to escape. Eventually the drinking became a problem too. I went into rehab within the year, because of the problems the alcohol created. While in rehab I felt that I was in an environment that I could address the issues that that I was trying to forget and hide from. I was crushed when my initial fears of ridicule became reality. A few years later I was discharged from the Navy because of alcohol. I was on an emotional rollercoaster for the next few years. Sometime in early '99, I saw a commercial for an experimental treatment for depression. I took part in the trial, and it seemed to work great. The drawback was that it was a study of the medication, and involved no psychotherapy. After the study, I would get monthly followups, and the doctor would give me prescriptions, but there was still no addressing of the underlying issues. Even so, I felt great, better than ever, I was even happy. Later that year, I moved to another state, and was no longer getting any medical attention. It has been a downward spiral ever since. The only feelings that I have anymore are fear, anger, and apathy. I don't even know what love and happiness are anymore. The one positive thing is that my current situation is not alcohol related, I'm not drinking.

I know I need help, and yesterday I found out how I might be able to get it. Now, I am afraid to go. I am afraid that nobody will believe me, because the tears have been gone for years.

What do I do now??? Any support would be appreciated.
Shawn (desperate4help)