[Christina86]

I really wanna post. I tried. I deleted. Here's to trying again.

I'm sinking.
I'm miserable.
Life sucks.
I can only think of negative things to say about me.
School is really starting to smother me.
I just want to hide away.
And forget.
Forget I was ever born.
Forget how many people I've upset.
Forget how many people still like me.
Because they shouldn't.
Bad bad bad I am.
So sick of being me.
I really want help, but some part of me doesnt. And she keeps lying. To everyone. Except for me.
I want to go to bed and stay there.

Back to being all alone again. For the best. Nobody needs me around when I'm being mopey. Mopey will last a long time. Just wanted to say that.

I'm sorry for being me.

[(JD)]

I'm not sorry you are you, and that I know you

Depression tells us lies, remember?

Glad you were able to make a post, been wondering about you ((((canders))))

One foot in front of the other...

[Christina86]

Not lies though.

All the truth. I'm completely worthless in life. I do nothing. I'm simply "existing". That doesnt even count.

I'm going to go back to hiding. Better for everyone. Not for me, but for everyone who really matters.

Thanks though Sky. *hug*

[EJ711]

Canders,

It sounds like you are putting yourself down.
Some spots in life are just very, very hard.

Hugs,

EJ

[Boopers]

Oh Christina, you are NOT worthless! We all have some worth, whether we can see it or not. You are just having a really tough time and I'm sorry for that.

Don't hide, keep coming here and letting us know how we can help. Besides, it helps to talk about things.

Sending you lot's of "hugs"!!!
((((((((((((((((((((((Christina))))))))))))))))))))))))

Linda

[Christina86]

Thanks EJ... I know I am but this school junk and counselling and everything .... I just hope this is a hard spot to get out of.

Thanks ((Linda)) for saying that but even though cognitively its the truth, emotionally ... I dunno.

*shrug*

Okay. I'm going to try to go to bed.

Much love to you all - I'll check back in another day when my head is on "straighter".

Thanks again ((Sky))

Much love y'all

[Bethsway]

((((((((canders)))))))) you are not worthless...You give your caring and support to many people...You have to me many times...You are worth alot!!!! Hope you feel better soon!!! We are rooting for you!

Hang in there ((((((((Canders7)))))))))

[pamelasu]

I'm sorry you are so down!! *hugs*

[wanting]

I have read some of your posts canders and i know you have real value here,in fact damn everybody has real value here,especialy to me.I know i would not be here on this earth now if i hadnt found this site it has been invaluable to me as i was at my wits end.So stick around canders and keep up your good work.*hugs*

[jacq10]

Canders, first just let me say this. Dont EVER appologize for being yourself. No matter what anyone ever says, implies, does ... no one can directly know what reality is for you - for anyone!, nor can they enter into your experiences, and know how you are feeling. So try not to let other people affect you as much as they do, and make you feel like YOU are not worth it, because that is a bold lie. Like Sky said, depression tells us lies. It stops you from seeing things clearly. But I can tell you this first hand. You my dear are worth it, completely and 100%. You may not believe me, but i know that there are tons of other people who would back that up. You can get through this, you are a strong person .. take some time to yourself, heal, but don't be afraid to come back .. we will all be here waiting for you.
Take care of you,
xoxo Jacq

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))))))))

[Christina86]

...

Thanks?

Christina's head isn't on any straighter but I've come to the realization that I can talk to at least one person in real life who knows stuff about me and seems to want to help. Thats good right?

He scares me. Because I really want to push him away because I don't know if I can change.

Asked - "Do you WANT to be happy?"

Hardest question ever. Almost anyways.

I'll be back after my essays are due next week, I promise!

Love you all and thanks for your support and caring when I'm down.

(((((((hugs))))))))))

[JustAPixie]

(((((((( canders )))))))

[Christina86]

Thanks ((((((((((Tanya))))))))))

Okay - I am back tonight temporarily. And now I'll really be gone until next Tuesday.

Love y'all

Thanks as always for your support - really means a lot!

(((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))))))))

You're in my thoughts!

[JustAPixie]

[Boopers]

Christina,

I hope this person that you found that seems to want to help you can show you how valuable you are as a person.
I know it's hard to see when you are so depressed about things but trust us, you are very valuable to us!
I hope school will go good for you the rest of the week!
Take care and keep us posted as to how you are doing!
LInda