[karan37]

hello, my name is karan. I WOULD FIRST LIKE TO SAY THIS IS NOT ABOUT SUICIDE! i have been suffering from depression for most of my life. i started getting treatment for my depression in '97 (i had at that time attempted suicide). what i want to ask is - how can i talk with my psychiatrist without her wanting to throw me in the hospital??? i, over the last 1 1/2 yrs, have been getting increasing worse. my depression has changed in ways even i don't understand. i have been on several medications. have had ect. been hospitalized just in this past year at least 6 times, and the last time i went one of the inpatient drs. said to me "karan we are usually trying to get you to go home, now we have to insist you stay". god how that hurt me. all this time i thought there focus was on curing me. anyway i degress. my psychiatrist is new to me of about six months. i feel everythime i say the least thing to her she wants me to be hospitalized. i admitted to her that i always have the thoughts of suicide in my mind. when im driving. when im just sitting, lying, it dosnt matter. i am increasingly getting worse. my therapist is now gone as well on maternity leave, she was the best. she never wanted to always throw me in hospital. she new me well. so now i really have no one to express the thoughts of my suffering to. and it is continually building inside, where i think is becoming anger at the world just for living. i dont want to die all the time, just need someone to say it to and discribe how its killing me to see if maybe i need hospitalization or just someone to cry to, to release whatever this agony is. did i confuse you? do you understand what im asking? if you do, please help???

[Soidhonia]

Hello I hope you are doing a little better at this time. First of all you should be honest and tell the therapist that you want to stay as mobile as possible and you would like to try different procedures other than hospitalization. i live in Ohio and there are outpatient programs, and hospitalization programs. Possibly what you need is behavioral coaching, this helps many times when depression is really unstable. Also you may need a physical check up for the depression, there could be something medical keeping the medication from working correctly. I have to take medication for mental health and for hormonal imbalance as well since I have problems with hormones. Maybe you should talk to your Dr about the fact that you are not thriving and you would like to know what is available for you other than hospital treatment. I feel that honesty is the best especially since your mental health will be in jeopardy if you do not know what else is available except for hospital treatment. I ALWAYS feel that someone with a mental health disorder deserves the best treatment possible with the least limitations to the person, for the best benefit of the person with a mental health disorder. I hope things get better for you soon. NAMI and DBSA also have support groups and you can check them out on the internet. I am also going to give you a hotline just in case you would like to talk to someone in person. 1-800-273-TALK. Take care Sincerely Soidhonia

I don't know about "throwing you into the hospital", but I had docs recommend I go into the hospital, but I refused after visiting my mother in a mental institution many years ago. I know they have changed, but I have this deep-seated fear that I will end up just like her (suicide at 42) if I follow in her footsteps & go into a hospital.

I have done an out-patient program at the hospital & that helped a lot with my newly diagnosed (at the time) bipolar 1. I had an overdose about 3 mos. ago (not really a suicide attempt--just wanted to stop the pain) & ended up in the ER, but they released me after a period of time (I don't remember much--I blacked out). I did go see my meds provider ASAP & started back with my therapist who I hadn't seen in about 4 years.

I have also gotten help through NAMI & DBSA as Soidhonia wrote about. I would call the hotline if I ever got in that state again. I needed help desperately & didn't know of any avenue & that's why I tried to just block out the pain.

We know where you are & we know there is hope so don't give up.--Suzy

[ouch]

I am not doing well myself these days, so I totally understand. But, unlike you, I have never been hospitalized, although I have had suicidal thoughts a few times in the past (never told anyone though). Tell your psych and therapist you don't want to be hospitalized. I'm sure you can get better - meds haven't helped me much either (I unilaterally decided to go off them, against my Dr. and therapist's orders - probably not the best idea though). you just need to be able to figure out what's stopping you from moving forward and feeling better. Do things for yourself - go out for a walk, watch t.v., take a bath, listen to music - those all help me when I feel bad (especially exercise). Hang in there - it's got to get better right? You can write me if you want.

[karan37]

hi suzy, thanks for the advice, but you know when i say they throw you into the hospital, i am literally speaking. my dr on this last time admitted had the police come to my house and force me to go to the e.r where they admitted me from there for a week. i did nothing but withdraw into myself. i never want to do that, it just happens when im hospitalized or in a group setting. it even happens with my new psychiatrist. its very hard for me to express myself, especially when im hurting, which is most of the time. my therapist who just went on maternity leave knew me well and i didnt have to talk or express myself as ardently as i feel i have to with new people. im very scared that shes gone. its only been since thursday and i feel lost already. i am so glad i found this website. i feel i am able to talk with others without being around others and closing up. pls. write back. thx.

[Boopers]

Hi Karen,
It kinda sounds like you really don't care for your new psychiatrist. If so, do you have a way of stopping the treatment with her and finding a new one? Maybe you could find one that you like and feel like you could open up to.
I have been fighting depression all my life as well, so know what you are feeling.
I hope you will start feeling better soon. Any time you need to talk, usually someone is on here to listen.
Take care,
Linda

[prodigiousgamer]

well you need to come straight with him and the only way to do that is to just take some serious trash in his face and tell him everything that is on your mind. it is what we like to call a "stream of consciousness". a good psychiatrist will know how to trigure this fluid stream of thoughts but one who is not well trained might struggle in carrying out this difficult procedure. I suggest that you just sit back and relax and see what he does. He is the one that is getting paid over one millino dollars a year to listen to you problems and deal out medications and such. It is important that you heed his advice because he is a lot smarter than you and he makes a lot more money than you and he is a lot more important than you.

[(JD)]

Do you have a therapist/psychologist to talk with to do therapy with, or is the psychiatrist also engaging in this with you for an hour? I think if all the psychiatrist is doing is medicines, then keep what you say brief; speak to the T all that you feel, and let him/her work through the feelings with you.

Psychiatrists aren't so great at counseling, as their main emphasis is medication ...and putting someone into the hospital until they are stablized on said medication fits.

How are you doing?