[Blondiesoul]

Hi,

I've had depression, psychosis
, eating disorder which I still suffer from today. I am struggling to open up with cmht and really want to kill myself that plans to the last detail are nearly done it's just the date left. I really want to open up but as they have let me down so many times I'm scared to. I have people putting stuff in my head telling me how everyone is out to harm me and how they are plotting to kill me and I should donut first.

How can I be open with a cpn? I have explained how hard it is for me but they just don't understand.

I don't know what to do I'm so scared that the my are taking over.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[kaliope]

it is important that you get help but it is difficult ansering your question not knowing how the team has let you down in the past. it is obvious that you want to reach out for help from your post...can you tell the cpn that you really need help? emphasize that you find it difficult to trust her...again this is hard because I don't know what they did to let you down or what you have tried to explain that they don't understand. but if you have a plan, it sounds like you need to go inpatient to sort things out. it is something you need to tell them so they can get you the proper help. it sounds like you really want it. you can pm me if you want to discuss this more and maybe I can help you sort it out. take care.

[Blondiesoul]

Hi

How do inpm you?! I don't know how on here.

Thanks for your reply

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Blondiesoul. Some people here who have similar difficulties communicating with caregivers compose and print or write out exactly what they would like to say and then hand the paper to their doctors or nurses.

Please reach out for any help you need to ensure your safety.

[Frankbtl]

Hi, could you begin by explaining to them that you want to open up to them but then tell them what has happened to you in the past and what you are afraid of as well. Perhaps then they can be a bit clearer to you on how they be able to help you and give you some assurances if you need them.
I know this must be a really scary time for you anyway with everything going on for you, but you are making exactly the right desicion in wanting to reach out, that shows real strength and courage just hold onto that and try to take that first step in starting to tell them how things are to give yourself the chance of getting the help you really need.
And it's a great idea to write things down first, that way you may to be able to express yourself better and not leave anything out as well, so as they can give you some help that might better suit where you are at right now.
Best wishes
Alison

[Fuzzybear]

[Blondiesoul]

Thanks for your replies.

I have written things down before and they don't get it or don't want to talk they want me to say it. Which I struggle co of what the voices say.

I ended up in hospital over weekend after contacting crisis team who sent police and ambulance. They said I'd see someone as soon as I got there but I had to wait. I got so worked up i took an od infrint of the hospital staff I was so stressed out but they wouldn't listen I had to get out. Everything was closing in I felt like someone would attack me it was horrible but the nurses were understandable but when crisis eventually saw me 12 hours later they were **** it was too late.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Frankbtl]

Hi, I'm really sorry for your what you've had to cope with but I've got to say it was really good that you were able to reach out for help. Please try not to let your experiences stop you from doing that again if you need too. If there is another time have you got anyone you could ask to go with you? Someone you trust to help you through what's going on?
But what about now? Do you think you're getting enough support in general or is there anyone you can talk to about things/the way you're feeling?
Alison

[Blondiesoul]

No I have no one around me. I feel like everyone give. Up on me. I told them I can't go hospital coz they are putting things in my head and plotting to kill me but they still didn't listen :/ I had security taking me back every time i went for air nurses coming to toilet with me incase I did something even through they took my bag and I wasn't allowed it.

I have nothing and I feel like acting again it have suh real ease and peace I wish I would be open with them but how can I knowing they'll call people on me and then make me wait hours on end to speak to someone. I give up on it all.

Thanks for asking

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Frankbtl]

Hi, Now the waiting around for hours for someone to speak to you, I've got to agree that that seems "out of order". Maybe they were mainly focused on keeping you safe and waiting for the "right" person to be available to speak to you but I would have liked a bit more for you at a time which you were probably finding quite traumatic (?).
But I'm just wondering a little as to whether SOME of your other perceptions of of how people were approaching you may have been led by the psychosis, naturally a little paranoia might have crept in there?? Just a little?? I mean dealing with psychosis is ABSOLUTELY not easy is it?
I'm NOT at all suggesting that everything else was great, it is out there that ALL hospitals AREN'T perfect!! but maybe this was a very sensitive time for you, as it would be for ANYONE going through depression and psychosis.
Is it a possibility (in your country) that you put an admittance plan in place with your cpn in case you need to be admitted again? You know the kind of thing that details your problems with admittance and your support needs if you are etc. If you can it may not be initiated immediately when you're admitted (practically speaking) but it may be of SOME use.
But lastly, if you feel that everyone's giving up on you (which MIGHT be down to your depression/experiences as opposed to they have) then that absolutely doesn't mean you have to give up on yourself!! You ARE worth it!! So push for the help you need, you deserve it!!
Alison

[Blondiesoul]

What an admittance plan?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Frankbtl]

Hi, I don't know if you have anything like that where you are or if you could get your cpn to help you with that anyway???
It'd be kind of where you discuss the problems you've had in general with the admittance procedure e.g. you have real difficulties in waiting, in "x" circumstances a certain medication works well for you, if you start doing/saying......staff should..........then your cpn could have the hospital keep that with your records and maybe staff/doctors could be a bit more "accommodating" if you need to be admitted again.
Just an idea.
Best wishes
Alison

You are in my prayers................................... Praying that God gives you some PEACE in your soul.

[Blondiesoul]

Ah I see. Well they know how stressed out I get and I do my best wih being honest when I get admitted then they say they'll find somewhere quiet and safe and never do so I end up walking out and getting brought back or I'll be on the floor away from people and voices under anything I can.

That should a good idea I shall ask my cpn about it but doubt hospitals bother with that round here some drs are fab others are useless and a lot of the time I end up flipping out if they do something before telling me or hey presume it's ok to do something when it freaks me out and my records say a lot of it as when the voices are bad I tend to verbalise a lot more but then they punish me for it after.

Thanks for the idea

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Blondiesoul]

**** the lot **** this ****ing life! Prick on crisis tells me go to bed! If I could shut the ****ing things up I would!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Blondiesoul]

I can't do this ****

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Frankbtl]

OK, now you do what YOU think is going to help you pull through. Nevermind the "going to bed" if that REALLY isn't going to work.
Now that means pulling on things that have helped you before, ringing back and if they repeat it telling them that that suggestion is ****** and that you need more help, talking to someone else who can help, or contacting the hospital for more help.
GOOD ON YOU for contacting the crisis line though!!! Now you know you deserve help, don't stop till you get it!!
Alison