[Whoaminoone]

Yesterday I suggested to my husband that I try to get a babysitter and we have a date night. His response was to look at me like I had three heads and say, in a very serious/confused tone,"We're married...why the hell would I 'date' you?!?". I was left feeling awkward, embarrassed, and speechless.
I guess on somewhat of an up note, I was hired for a part time job last week. My college educated, degree holding self is working a minimum wage part time job unrelated to my education. I feel a bit resentful, but a little something is better than nothing, I suppose.
I'm off my meds again due to lack of a new doctor and not able to afford refills anyway. I've caught myself 'slipping' a few times. Overwhelming anxiety, no desire to really do anything but lay in bed and cry, increasing insomnia due to my mind not "shutting off", more frequent crying spells and angry outbursts.... The list just seems to go on. I'm trying to 'keep it together', but it's getting noticeably harder.
I'm just feeling really low at this time. I'm lonely, and yet I don't want to be around anyone either! Does it REALLY ever get any better?

[arachnophobia.kid]

It must have been very painful to hear that response from your husband, but I admire your courage to at least ask that of him. It sounds to me like maybe he is putting up a wall and it'll probably take some work to break it down. Do you think you might be able to do that with him?

Congrats on your new job! Even if it is something you're not too pumped about I still think it's great that you are trying. Please keep trying.

I empathize with your feelings that you're slipping, I use that word "slipping" for myself too. I am all too familiar with those feelings of hopelessness, insomnia, and no motivation. I know that it feels like nothing will ever get better in this moment but it will get better again. Search your heart and I think you will find that you already know that, even if you don't believe it right now.

[Pierro]

I would love to tell you that it does get better but honestly, I don't know. You sound like you are doing the best you can for your mental health, I think getting out of the house is important, but like you sleep (or lack of) was the biggie for me. Your husband is maybe not as "thoughtfull" as you, to put it nicely. He needs a kick up the rear end as it is sooo important to "date" when you are married. You are doing all the right things and I hope that it keeps good for you. Its a tragety that you cannot afford the meds you need. I could not manage without meds, being on them is ok, without them I am a wreck.

[kaliope]

Im sorry to hear you are struggling right now. Hopefully now that you have a job you will soon be able to afford to get stabilized on meds again. Since your husband does not want to go out with you, is there anything that you can be doing for yourself? Take time out for you, do something special for yourself? Take care of you, make you feel good? maybe go to a movie with a friend. invest and take special care of yourself. youre important.

I can relate to some of what you say. Does it get better? I have to say yes. It's important not to lose hope.
I am also an insomniac and it's debilitating WITHOUT any other problems, but combine it with depression it's killer. And I would guess that many of us with anxiety also have insomnia. I know that I can't get my brain to shut off without sleeping pills, which I'm out of. I don't know what your insurance is like, but I can't afford to be introduced to anything that isn't generic. Please do what you can to go back on some sort, if that's what works for you.
I have different issues with my husband, but I know that talking didn't work for me. Odd to some, but I do better with the written word. If I need some hand-holding, I will email him an SOS. I'm able to communicate what I need better, and I suppose it has more impact when he reads it. YMMV.
I too was a degree holding adult (very adult) with a minimum wage in retail. So I can relate. It's so good to make yourself get out of the house, though.

[punkybrewster6k]

o boy have I been there. (((hugs)))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( Whoaminoone ))))))))