Feeling better and guilty.

I have been on new meds for about a month now. Took away abilify and added Lamictal also added Klonopin for anxiety. They have really elevated my mood. Mood wise I am much much better. I still have 0 energy, 0 motivation, sleep messed up although getting better, and social anxiety.

The thing is a few days of feeling better mood wise and I feel totally guilty that I am not acting like a "normal" person. Why am I not working, why am I not exercising, why am I not showering. I should have a job. I should not sleep so much. and on and on. It is like somehow I feel there was never anything wrong so why is my life so messed up. How did I ever let things get so bad when there is nothing wrong with me. Like I can't even acknowledge what I have been through the last two years. I cannot trust my thinking. Baby steps. Maybe since my mood has lifted I can do a couple of things today and not have to fix my whole life in one fell swoop.

Do you have anyone to talk to about this?

That's a key insight. You have a mood disorder. You don't have full control over your mind-emotions-energy-body.

As best you can, exploit these times of relatively elevated mood to do or enjoy things ordinarily beyond you. A problem I experience is having focus, energy and motivation all running in three different cycles. They don't often sync...

I do have my parents and a few friends I have to talk to about it. I get tired of burdening my parents with it all. I am not currently seeing a therapist due to financial reasons. I have my family. I have my p-doc when I see him. I keep a mood journal and he reads it and we talk. I get a little more then med checks out of him.

I did take a shower and shave. and I did meditate quite a bit. I feel like I should take a walk but don't know if I can muster the energy.

"Mood wise I am much better"

That's HUGE....and it's enough for the time being. Relish it. Enjoy it. Indulge yourself and reward yourself for it.

Rohag speaks wise words (as always)........"Exploit these times".....and commit them to memory....

Who knows? They may face you in the direction you need in order to take a baby step.

And that is plenty for now.

To be fair you've been suffering from depression, it takes longer than a few days of an elevated mood to go out and get a job and then get established in that job to be 'working'...it takes time to get up the motivation to excercise, shower more and get into a more active routine.

If there was never anything wrong, why are you taking a medication...I think its safe to say maybe the medication is working to help your mood which will likely help you function better...doesn't mean there was never anything wrong.

No there has been something wrong my whole life.

Medicine doesn't fix everything. I still barely have enough energy to get out of bed in the morning. And sometimes not even that. Give yourself time to take a break. Your brain is probably exhausted from all the negative thoughts and finally gets a chance to rest. Try to be gentle with yourself healing takes a long time u_u

I feel like a hurricane has run through my life in the last five years and I am just waking up to see the damage.
Living with parents at age 50. No work no income. Appealing Social Security Disability. Don't feel like I am able to work anymore because the depression effects me so much of the year. I worked my whole life and did alot of outside recovery activities. I barely kept my head above water but at least I was self sufficient.

I hope you can get the social security. I know what it feels like to not be self sufficient, i'm on disability, sometimes i feel like i want to get a job, but i know with my mental status i would never be able to work again. I did volunteer at a nursing home one day a week for 2 years but then i couldn't even handle that and had to quit. I just wish also i could find a part time job somewhere but i also have no transportation and don't drive. Plus my mental status is always unpredictable to keep a steady job.