Being honest about your depression

First off i am new here and will be hanging out reading and learning and hopefully contributing a little. I am guessing i am not alone in feeling that depression seems to be transparent to other people we are engaged with. It may not be the case, but have you ever felt that your depression was having a real time negative affect with someone your having a conversation with? Like your current state of depression was becoming evident as you spoke with them?

Sometimes, i often think that saying "you know what f*%k it, tell people your struggling with depression". Has anyone tried this and had positive results in their lives?

Personally, one of the biggest causes/affects of my depression is my lack of success with women and dating. I am a 31 y/o old male whose good looking, built and i have a full head of hair and yet i do not have a girlfriend. I can't help but wonder if people think I'm gay due to my lack of success in this dept. of my life. I do not act/look/dress gay at all but the possibility of people thinking this about me seeps into my psyche and causes, yes you guessed it, more depression and negative self thoughts. So the idea of being honest about my depression with girls I'm interested seems like an idea worth trying perhaps. I know people wonder what my deal is and my unwillingness to tell people about my depression might be a factor not helping the situation.

I

I find honesty attractive, but that doesn't mean that it can't be tactful.

Most of the time, I feel very socially inept so I don't mind when other people blurt out things or get awkward. In fact, I find it comforting and amusing (not like funny ha ha like I'm laughing at them, but interesting/intriguing).. that I'm not the only one.

However, if they are being aggressive or blunt about things just to get a reaction out of me, then I get annoyed. It's a fine line, I suppose. But women are like that.

My advice is always be yourself, but have a care toward the person you are talking to.

In theory I agree with you..... but it is just theory.

In reality it seems too risky. There are too many haters in the world and the whole "stigma" thing - that both can and will be used against you. Thus giving you yet another hurdle in life.

Your theory may work great in your world. It may work great in many peoples world. It would not work well in my world.

I tend to tell people. I don't care who knows anymore. It can be risky. Most people don't understand and there is still a stigma. This girl I haven't seen since high school was private messaging me on face book yesterday. We have both moved back to our hometown. I don't know if she was kind of hitting on me or not. Kind of felt like it. I just straight up told her that I suffered from severe depression and that is the real reason I am back in my hometown. I really don't know how she reacted to it. At first I got radio silence and then she did message me back. We will see. Maybe I told her because I am not really attracted to her. I would like to keep chatting with her though.

I agree! It probably wouldn't be the first thing that comes out of my mouth, but if it came up, I wouldn't avoid it. It's better to get it out there, and let the chips fall as they may. If a person is going to hold it against you, it's better to know from the start. Just try not to use it as a weapon to keep people away from you. Easier said than done, I know.

That may have been what I was doing. I don't know. I don't think I have ever done it before. I sometimes have this unhealthy or maybe healthy need to make people understand. I have had long ongoing arguments with friends and family about it. They have never abandoned me over it though.
This girl and I were really good friends in elementary and high school so I hope I didn't scare her away.

I think people that know you well can tell for sure. They can see a big difference in you compared to when you are not depressed. People you are just meeting or maybe want to date...I am not sure.

It took me a long time to realize that I was self-sabotaging. I would throw out some intense emotional statement (it was always true, but intense none the less) to see how they would react. I didn't realize that I was doing this to scare them off or keep them at arms length.

If this girl has pretty much known you all your lives, then more likely than not, she will see YOU, not just a piece of you (i.e. your issues). But if you aren't attracted to her anyway, then I say there is no harm in being honest and continuing a friendship... even if you decide to see where things can go later on. There's no rush. Take your time.

In my experience being honest with people has always been for the best and I don't think hiding your true self is wise when it comes to relationships with women. The person you're with should ultimately know that you struggle with depression and they will have to accept that about you. If I get into a new relationship I will go on a couple dates first and play the game, but once I think that there is potential for a future I just go ahead and tell them about all my darkness. I think that they should know who I am before they decide whether or not they want to continue along with me. And generally people find it endearing when I open up to them, I'm not sure why that is, but perhaps it is just the magic of honesty.

And anyway, it sounds like you're hiding behind a glass wall, they can see you already, so why are you hiding?

I've been very open about my mental health, particularly on Facebook. The largest hurdle to dispelling stigmas attached to mental health concerns is the fact that when no one talks about it, everyone thinks everyone is fine. Turns out, most of us are not. So many people struggle for various reasons, and I feel it is important enough that I will make an example of a functioning person with depression.

I have had extremely positive results. The community around me is very supportive and mental illness/depression/etc are quite prevalent in my community. Suicide rates are seriously high, especially in young males and children. I'd like to hope that I've given someone the courage to come forward and talk to someone about what they're feeling. Sometimes that makes me realize that I am valuable as a contributor. It helps me.

People have asked me why I'm so open about it and my answer is always that we shouldn't hide who we are. We should also remember that our courage to speak about these issues might save a life.

I to think it is important to be open about it to get rid of the stigma and give people a chance to understand. I find most people want to understand but find it difficult especially with depression. That is largely why I do it. I live in a small town and I told my parents that I didn't care who knew. I thought my dad would be more discreet but he seems to tell everyone. They need people to talk to too. It is hard on the people around us and they need support too.

Oh crap.... after reading several of these responses - I think I want to recant on my original response......

I guess i have some thinking to do.

I suppose I was fortunate (bewildering though I found it as I had self esteem issues) in being attractive in my outward behaviour while at Uni and as such I had a ‘few’ interesting liasons.

That being said, I was honest when I knew I was deeply interested in developing a relationship past a trist.

It worried me to do it as, in the UK (not sure about the rest of the world) there is the stigma of blokes with ‘baggage/damage’ but I knew full well that due to struggles with long term depression, it would impact on any relationship I had… on top of that I was still recovering (if that’s the right word) from two attempts.

As such, to determine if the other was a keeper it was best to lay things down early on and as someone said above ‘let the chips fall where they may’. Saying that, I would do it in a very factual detached manner, in part to prepare myself for any fallout that I would need to find resolve to protect myself against.

My wife took it well (abliet admitting it was a lot of info and startling) and we’re still going strong 15years later.

So yes, I’d say be honest… but treat it as an account of what is rather than laying your heart on the table.

Feel so selfish about this. Sure I want people to talk about depression and MI. Things can't change if people don't talk about it and learn people with MI are just.. well, people.

But I don't feel like doing the talking. I'm hiding like a coward. Sometimes I had wanted to tell but things have played out pretty weird that way.... people managing to hear about others with one of mine diagnoses and then saying really negative things about it. It wasn't inviting opening up after that.

You're not a coward for that. It took me many years to open up to people. But I treat it like my diabetes now, and I'm not remotely afraid to open up about that. It takes time and good experiences for one to decide to share. Find someone you trust to talk about it, for you, not for them. You don't have to do anything more than that.

I agree frightenedrabbit...I've been severely depressed where there was no option left except ect. I had 25+ in 96 & 97. But mostly I'm living with short term memory loss and I tend to hibernate from people and situations. But this last time of depression I was reading tweets and someone wrote "it's not what you see but how you see it". I was talking myself deeper and deeper into depression and I had enough so I took it to heart..I've been fine..not so depressed..but maybe hypomania is keeping me up some well most everynight I get up at 4am and can't go back to sleep. My mind is in a constant state of overthinking.
But when people ask me where I've been..I tell them my bipolar depression has reared it's ugly head but doing ok for the time being. I think honesty is the best policy. I have a friend at church that felt like she could trust me enough to tell me about her depression bouts. I do it bc I know somewhere out there someone is going through the same thing and it's feels like they're not so alone after all. Talk abiut it. Be upfront and honest. If they truly care for you..you will endear yourself to them. Not all people are judgemental mental about mental health issues. It doesn't make you weak just vulnerable. Hope all goes well with your friend. If she understands she will have a willing ear and an open heart. Good luck. <3

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

The heck with it. I posted this image on my facebook to try to educate my friends. We will see what kind of responses I get.

Wow, that's very illuminating (no pun intended). So what does one do to have their brain be more like the one on the right? That's the secret I'd like an answer to!

That is the big question I would like the answer to also. I have tried so many things over the years.

Got a hacksaw??

Thanks for all the responses and insights. I feel that when your open about stuff it frees up your mind to be more like yourself and have fun and not worry about wondering if people can "see" your darkness. A lot to think about.

This. Is awesome.

This just shows me and I hope educate others that we. ( depressed persons) aren't faking, we're not lazy, we aren't running away bc we want to. It's in our brain and that is what everyone uses to rule their emotions we're just not able to control ours ourself jn the same fashion. As far as letting your spouse know it is less fearsome if they actually hear it from a doctor's point of view. Bc of my bipolar my husband has gone thru this with me for 40+yrs. And never once did he leave me or make me feel bad bc of this disease. We cannot control it. We have to embrace it and work with it to be able to forge ahead. It is part of our lives but it doesn't define us. We are still people too and or needs and wants are just as strong as a nondepressed person. We have a little more on our plate to deal with.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

I really only got two responses on face book to that image. People shy away from it. I did get 5 likes.
response 1
She is trying to be helpful but doesn't have a clue.
Response 2
She gets it and I know she has a family member who has it.
I have like 238 friends on face book. we will see if anyone else responds. It seems to me people don't want to talk about it.

Response 2 is great. People don't like to talk about it, probably because we're all vulnerable. Depression, especially that existential depression that some of us (including me) suffer with, is hard enough to discuss with a therapist. The public doesn't want to hear about it. I wish it was more understood.