[Hellion]

Sorry but this gets ridiculous sometimes...I just dont want to exist anymore but i know it is not the right path it would really hurt my brother and he is likely to get a job soon so I dont want to hurt myself and have him having to deal with it...I really hope he gets the job and I just love him so much so I dont want to hurt him by harming myself...My sister would be hurt as well but I feel she would cope better than my brother.

[angelicgoldfish05]

Just wanted to say hang in there, it does get better and you are worth it. I felt like this just yesterday morning, the feeling is so strong and honestly the thing that stops me is that it would hurt others. Do you have anyone you can talk to, are you alone or thinking about hurting yourself? Please reach out, stay with us as painful as it feels, you are needed and you are loved. And you are not alone. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.

[Altered Moment]

I have often prayed that God would just take me. I don't want to do anything by my own hand but I have often wished I would just terminal cancer or something.

[gayleggg]

I, too, have prayed that God would take me. This has been going on for 30 years, so I guess he's not ready yet. I'm 61 now and hope everything that goes wrong medically will end my misery, but not so far. Just more stuff to deal with. I've been hospitalized twice for suicide ideation, but couldn't go through with it. Depression sucks.

[regretful]

So many mornings I reach my hand towards the sky and ask God to take me. Like Gayle says, I guess he's not ready yet. Late last year I was having some GI problems and I hoped that it was something terminal. It wasn't. I'm still here. I was hospitalized shortly thereafter for suicidal thoughts. That hospital stay was the worst 7 days of my life. My logic about wanting to die is that I really just want the depression to end, and sadly, it seems interminable.

What can't you just die??

Cuz I "called it" first - so you have to wait.

[mulan]

Life can be stupid and make us suffer, so we don't want to live it anymore, the seeing of family suffering after us, adds to us more suffer and responsability. Neither ways are good ones.

[fading99]

Originally Posted by Hellion

Sorry but this gets ridiculous sometimes...I just dont want to exist anymore but i know it is not the right path it would really hurt my brother and he is likely to get a job soon so I dont want to hurt myself and have him having to deal with it...I really hope he gets the job and I just love him so much so I dont want to hurt him by harming myself...My sister would be hurt as well but I feel she would cope better than my brother.

When I read posts like yours I want to console you, but also in heart, I feel like a hypocrite because I don't want to be here anymore either. I want so tell you that you are a special, unique human being, unlike anyone else on earth. My grandmother use to say " God didn't create duplicates of anything or anyone." But again, I feel like a hypocrite. I get up every morning wondering how I should make my exit, then lie awake most of the night feeling like a disgusting coward. I lost another job due to my inability to sell products I care nothing about. I just jumped in my car and started driving, don't know where I'll spend the night, don't really care. I'm glad you have siblings you care about, you can draw strength from them, and I have a feeling they get strength from you as well. Your love for your brother sounds awesome, let that love guide you where you need to go. Yes, I'm a hypocrite, but I envy you for the sweet, unselfish connection you have with family.

[frustratedbymeds]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

I have often prayed that God would just take me. I don't want to do anything by my own hand but I have often wished I would just terminal cancer or something.

Please try one thing....it has helped me so many times.....don't act on the thought of dying for 24 hours. Things WILL turn around. There are people that love you out there and you are worth saving.

Don't every wish to have a disease like cancer....I was faced with that possibility recently and that is just wishing pain upon yourself. The reality of maybe having cancer does NOT make you feel better. You don't want it. I did everything the Dr. said to do and am now having normal biopsies and thankful for that....so my thoughts of wanting to die sometimes were not real.

Keep hanging on.....you are loved!