I doubt that I will be able to express this in a way that is coherent.

but, I used to be a pretty bright person (all A's except for one B in college). but ever since depression hit (and a series of suicide attempts) my brain just does not function the way I remember it working. I had a nuropsych exam and the guy assures me that my brain is functioning fine - the slowed motor skills are simply due to the depression.

But WTF. I have this sensation that my brain is working, I can process some crap really well. But not what I WANT to focus on. It is like my brain is having an out-of-body experience. It is floating just above my body - doing its own thing. And just six inches lower I exist without a brain.

Ugh

This lack of being functional makes me ponder "unsafe" ideas.

I am just so tired of existing like this. I am always tired. never motivated. Never fun or happy. I am truly useless.

[Altered Moment]

I hear ya. I have never felt exactly what you are experiencing but I know I can feel the lack of activity in my brain. It sounds crazy but I swear sometimes I can feel it in there. It is like there is a dull thud in there. I have no energy and no motivation.

[SeekerOfLife]

Hey. I think I can relate. Though we may not struggle with all the same things, I know depression far better than I care to.

I have had people tell me I am intelligent. I would like to believe it. But everything I see about myself says differently.

Depression steals the joy out of life. Whenever I see someone having their own "private party", my brain says, I am joining in on this!!!

I cannot relate to the feeling of one's brain being out of body. But, having ADHD, to me is a curse. My brain does not work like most peoples. Poor focus, etc.

I also know what it feels like to just exist. Yes, always tired, not much motivation. Not much fun.

You are not useless!!! Got that? You have been a blessing to many people on this site. I often feel useless. Though it may not be much, I try to be helpful in any way I can. I am not some computer genius or super therapist or other great important person. But, I try to do what I can, when I can, all the while taking care of myself.

UM, I feel your pain. It probably seems never ending. I have been depressed for so long that I about cannot remember what it feels like to be happy. But lately, my attitude has been that this depression is a monster, and I will not let it conquer me.

Hope some of this helps.
Remember, today is Tuesday. Today is your day. Today is self care day.
God's blessings in your heart today.

[Rohag]

"My brain is not part of my body...."
Yep. Sign me up for this description, too.

Well depression is in control, really.

You have to negotiate with it on a daily basis for what it is you want to focus on.

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

Well depression is in control, really.

You have to negotiate with it on a daily basis for what it is you want to focus on.

I wish to negotiate an END..... complete surrender on my part. I am sick of this bull crap. I QUIT

[atomicc]

Please don't quit I don't experience the loss of functioning but I have often felt like my body and my brain aren't a coherent pair. Perhaps it is a BPD thing?
feel better

[Whoaminoone]

I don't know if it's the same sensation, but I understand the feeling of the brain being detached. For me, it's like I'm watching my physical self as though I'm watching a movie. There's a disconnect.
In my head, I know what's happening. I'm fully conscious of my situation, and the ultimate outcome. I know the suggested steps to get out of this situation. Yet, my physical self is frozen here. Even when my mind screams RUN... my body just stands/lays/sits there. I no longer feel most physical pain. My mind goes to a different place.

I'm sure your disconnect is meant differently than mine, but I just wanted you to know that I 'get' the mind vs body/life disconnect in my own way.

Originally Posted by Whoaminoone

I don't know if it's the same sensation, but I understand the feeling of the brain being detached. For me, it's like I'm watching my physical self as though I'm watching a movie. There's a disconnect.
In my head, I know what's happening. I'm fully conscious of my situation, and the ultimate outcome. I know the suggested steps to get out of this situation. Yet, my physical self is frozen here. Even when my mind screams RUN... my body just stands/lays/sits there. I no longer feel most physical pain. My mind goes to a different place.

I'm sure your disconnect is meant differently than mine, but I just wanted you to know that I 'get' the mind vs body/life disconnect in my own way.

Actually I thought your description was very 'relate-able'

[Frankbtl]

Hi UM, you know brains are so overrated anyway!! Times are moving on, not so important anymore!!
So can't process how you used to, that's OK!! But naturally it's all part of the depression, you know so much loses it's significance, hard to think, hard to focus, hard to switch on, hard to care...............So maybe try something real easy your brain can/might want to take in a bit more. Other than when you might have to focus more e.g. at work, give it a bit of a break.
You don't need to compare things quite as much to how they were before, you're going through a tough time, why so hard on yourself? Afterall you've got very good reason that you're finding it hard to focus. And feeling like you're feeling your brain is probably on "overdrive" at times just trying to getting through "normal" tasks.
So something easier for it.......taking in music, short films, easy reading.........try to be kind to it, just like you should be trying to do for yourself too!!
Motivated, fun, happy....well tiny steps......and make sure you try to smile/give yourself credit even for the little things you manage.......they are massive, they are something to give yourself credit for/to smile about, a real achievement considering the way you've been feeling!! And I don't care if that's just getting up in the morning!! It counts!!
One step at a time....then a step further......and another............!!
And you're truly useless???!!! Saying that when I'm using the site??!! NO YOU ARE NOT!!!
You are so much more than you're thinking of yourself right now, and that shows up (without question!!) so, so, so, so, so, so...................much to so many of us on here. So no arguments!!
Alison

Franky Alison

You rock!

[mulan]

Yes, you sound like me pretty much on everything.

[Maria38Divine]

Can I just say how much I love all you guys. I can so relate to everyone here. I get you! We speak the same language! That's priceless.

UM, I know you're not useless. Even in sharing your pain, you're useful. You show me that what I'm going through isn't strange, and there's someone else in this world who gets it. I understand the detachment thing. It's like I can see my environment with my eyes, yet nothing clicks in my brain. I know when an event should spark anger, happiness or sadness, yet I'm unmoved. I can reason very well. The things that come out of my mouth surprise me sometimes. People still tell me I'm bright yet there are times when I have to read a simple paragraph over and over and over to understand what it's saying. Then as soon as I take my eyes off the page, I forget what I've read.

I agree with my friends. Keep moving forward with determination to conquer this thing. Please don't quit