I hate this

Why did I even get Depression? My life is good, better then many. People are nice, my family is wonderful, nothing bad is happening.

But I have this horrible disease. I feel so worthless, depressed.

I don't even want to be here anymore. I want to die, bad. I wish I could just be gone. I always think of suicide.

I feel like everyone hates me. That they truly think I am dumb, weird, annoying, ugly,that they truly don't like me that, that they don't want me to me around.

I don't even want to hang out with my friends, or my neighbors, or the neighborhood little kids.

I just feel so depressed lately. A teacher even asked If I was ok.

Have you tried talking to your teacher, it can be really hard to ask for help, but when someone reaches out to you then you should try and confide just a little.

The emotions that you are describing are all very typical of depression and only too familiar me and to many others reading this thread. We are all very good at saying to someone else "you are not a bad person, it is the depression that makes you feel that way" but we can be weak when it comes to believing it for ourselves. You're not alone and no-one here thinks you're any of those bad things you said about yourself. We want you around and want to see you keep posting.

Yes depression is a horrible disease, but it can be managed well with the right treatment. Hang on in there.

I agree with TheOriginalMe you are not any of the bad things you mentioned. I definitely know how you feel. I feel the same way sometimes! Today was a bad day for my depression but tomorrow is a new day and perhaps it will be better. Keep posting and keep trying to find support and help at home. I have found that I need more interaction with other people and that posting here and connecting with a support network really helps.

Hang in there!!

No, I haven't told anyone, I don't know why It is so hard.

There is one teacher, who I wouldn't mind telling. because we have talked about depression(as a class), & I agree with what he said. IDK, how I would even bring it up with him, or even tell him anything.

It just sucks, I don't even want to do anything. I am always really tired,*& always want to sleep. I always feel depressed. I can not stop thinking about suicide, I already have everything planned, I could just be gone, like that. That would be nice.

Why haven't you told anyone?

please, please try to talk to someone today. If not your teacher please get in touch with one of the crisis services you can find on the resources tab on this website.
If you do decide to talk to your teacher just say that you are really unhappy but don't know where to begin. You could even mention the class you had and say something like
"you remember the class when we talked about mood well things are like that for me right now"

I agree - you need to talk to someone...............

You deserve to be happy and having fun - not suck in your version of hell. Please, go get your smile back!!

Having plans to end things doesn't mean that you actually want to do that. I know it seems really simple and nice to think that you can make everything stop but the reality is that you will hurt the people you leave behind and that your depression can and will go on just because of choosing that one act. The only way to beat depression is to stand up to it and not accept defeat.
Please talk to someone about how you are feeling as soon as you can.

It is very hard to accept that we have this disease. It is a process. When you do accept it about yourself things become easier.

I don't know why it is hard to tell someone. I want help, but I can't. I don't know how to explain, I just can't tell anyone.

I kind of feel like not many people would care. My parents maybe, maybe a few others. But no one else. I bet people at school would be so happy that I killed myself, & was gone.

I have no doubt that there probably are a number of immature people who may "claim" that they would not care........... I think it goes with the age.

But do not fool yourself into believing that MANY people would be deeply disturbed.

I have a friend her name is Mary Kay. I worked with her at two different companies and Mary Kay likes to call every now an again and boy can she talk and talk and talk.

The last time she called me - I was busy with life and didn't really talk long with her. A couple weeks later - she "unexpectedly" died. I do not know for certain that she committed suicide. But the age and her health did not match someone who would suddenly die (and I sure would not ask anyone at her funeral).

This was a number of years ago and I think of Mary Kay often. Did I let her down? Was she reaching out to me? Could I have saved her if I was a better friend?

It will always haunt me.

It would also haunt many of your classmates. And probably the nicest people in the world would be those who you would hurt the most. The ones you do not want to hurt.

I guess the a-holes that you deal with at school. I have few fond memories of school and refuse to go to class reunions because of the pain..... but I would not want to hurt the nice people that I recall either. There were a lot of very nice people too.

I very much doubt the people at school would be happy. It would be a very traumatic event for the whole school.

How, & why would it traumatize them? I never really talk to anyone, unless they talk to me, which doesn't happen much. Why wouldn't they be happy?Esp. if it's the people who bullied me?

Like I said - the bullys may very well *act* as if they do not care. But do you deny that there not also nice people at your school. People who would care? People would would be deeply hurt? Perhaps feeling even guilty?

Is your goal to hurt the nice people?

No it isn't, I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm sorry that I sound selfish, by say that I want to kill myself. It just feels like, no one really cares, It sucks. This depression just really sucks, I hate it. I am becoming horrible person. I really do mot try to ac tlike this, I am sorry for being so mean.

Please, please, please do not read what I said as you being mean. That is not what I was trying to convey.

I know your pain. I know you are hurting and hurting very very badly. You did not "choose" to be in pain. And you are not asking to be inflicted with depression.

I get that.

My point is that there ARE people at your school who do care. Maybe not as many as should care. But there are some.

There are also people here to care. I have never met you and I never will..... but I sincerely do care about you. No joke - I care. And I am sure there are a number of other people here who care.

I hope we are *enough* for you to keep fighting on. I want you to live on until you finally do defeat your depression. I want you to find out just how amazing it is to have kids. Or to go on some special trip. Or to achieve some personal goal. A job, a home, or being the most awesome volunteer person ever. Or whatever makes you smile.

Whatever it is for you..... I want you to smile. I want you to be happy. I want you to LIVE.

.... no guilt. No blame. No suckiness. No selfishness. Just YOU being happy.

Your parents would definitely be devastated if you killed yourself. They would never get over it and the way youre feeling right now is what they would have to feel everyday for the rest of their lives. Is that what you want for them? I think that youre talking to people on this site means you want to get help, but much as we care and will all do our best for you, what you need is to talk to someone in the real world. Maybe you could start by showing someone this thread.
Remember you are not alone and we care very much.

No no you are not being mean. You are in the grips of a very bad depression and it is not your fault. It is the depression that is causing those thoughts. They are just untrue thoughts. That is how depression is.

I know exactly how you feel trust me. I have been suicidal and had it all planned out. I prayed every night that God would take me so I didn't have to. I felt as if everyone would be better off without me. That I was nothing but a burden. It is the depression.

That's not true, you know it's not.

Can I ask you how old you are? It would help me to know.

I am Sixteen

Sixteen is h e l l for anyone...I'm sorry that you're going through this.

Also at sixteen, sometimes family tend to not take us seriously when we say we have a problem (at least that's the way it was for me)
So it makes it very difficult to have a real sit-down heart to heart with them.

I would say that a trusted adult at school would be your best and safest bet.
Teachers are not teachers for the salary (trust me!) they are there because they WANT to be.

I can't tell you who to go to....is there a counselor? Some school districts have a "travelling" school psychologist...google it for your district.

But just ignoring how you feel will not get you to feeling better.

Yes you have to tell someone. Even if it just a friend you can trust. If not then a school counselor.

I would trust a counselor more than a friend...... no offense to your friend(s) - but a person who is not emotionally tied to you can give a better perspective.

IMO.

No one, even those at school would be happy if you killed yourself. The pain such an act causes is much farther reaching than you would suspect. Leaving people feeling pain and guilt because they didn't notice. I'm sure your parents would be devastated. It is not any parent ever wants to have happen.

I, too, have contenplated suicide, too many times to count. Twice left me in the psych ward. I have a friend attempted it until she finaly ruined kidneys and will be on dyalisis the rest of her life and dammaged the nerves in her leg an feet leaving her in a wheel chair.

All this I hope shows you suicide is not always successful. I believe everyone has a time to die and it will happen at God's time not ours. I hope you seek help. Depression can be helped.

I might tell my friend tonight, I might. It just depends.

Thank you guys for being so nice. It has really helped. I don't feel as depressed anymore, I still do alot, but I feel a littl bit better.