[ahdm]

Okay, so as not to bore any of you, I shall keep this short.

A lot of things have been going on lately;

• mum found out about self-harm
• social services got involved (college referred me)
• I had pretty much everything taken off me - phone, house key, clothes, chest of drawers, wardrobe, possessions etc
• My bedroom door was taken off it's hinges

That's a few of the things that have happened within the past month.

I have also been emotionally abused (and physically at times) by my mum, her 'friend' (i.e. he is cheating on his wife with her) and my sister. Her 'friend' is quite violent and harsh, for want of a better word.

Then, lately, I've been doing badly at college due to the past being brought up and feeling more and more depressed (and, sorry, suicidal) - I'd only recently finished therapy against my will.

I'd been talking to my director of studies at college, and had told him I was feeling low. He found out from some of my teachers that I looked sad and upset and 'not myself' in lessons.

He rang my mum on Tuesday night to tell her that somebody had rang him telling him I was feeling suicidal. I don't know who that person was...

As was to be expected, mum hit the roof. She got her 'friend' to come round and stand in the doorway, which believe me, is really intimidating, while mum asked me, no, demanded, if I'd been telling people at college I was suicidal.

I lied. Mainly because both he and her scared the ***** out of me. My mum didn't ask in a 'nice' way. She pretty much shouted, and you could clearly tell she was angry. Her 'friend' then started saying how I was stupid, pathetic, that I needed to grow up, that everyone feels low at some point and I should just get over it and stop complaining. He also said I should be sectioned because I was lying and saying these things for attention and sympathy. He also said I would never commit suicide because I didn't have the bottle, and that if I really felt suicidal, I should do it properly and actually go through with it fully and permanently other than just threaten it. That really hurt. Like, really really hurt. I cried. A lot.

I found out this evening that my sister has now got her phone back (hers was taken off her because she was overspending on it) and that I've still got jack *****, I keep my clothes in boxes, I have no possessions other than the essentials, I have no furniture in my room, I have no phone, no bedroom door, or freedom.

This has upset me so much - why is my mum so angry? Why does she feel the need to threaten that I will get kicked out of college, that I'll never get anywhere in life, and that she will get me sectioned? Why does she punish me because I'm going through a hard time and she won't listen to me?

Ugh this is all just so upsetting and soul destroying. I just don't understand what I've done wrong.

Sorry, that got a bit long. I'm not sure what to expect from this - maybe just some guidance/advice?

[mulan]

Good! That seems very a very hard time!
I'm so sorry that you have been going through all of this. It seems that your mother clearly don't understand depression. I would say to you to talk to her oppenly about how do you really feel, but it looks like it would make things worse. Being in that envirement is certainly not a good thing.

Have you got any help? Can you tell your director that you can't trust your mum, that she is this hard on you, for him to avoid tell her more of these things? There is any conselour in your collegue that you can reach for help?

Don't know if any of this helps. But everything you told looks pretty awful! I imagine myself in your situation, and I would certainly want to run away from home! (I'm not saying this is a path).

You have done anything wrong, it's not your fault.

Hughs for you.

[Curupira]

I am so sorry you are going through this. As to your mother's actions, I am not going to wager a guess as to what her motivations are. I feel like anything I say may come off as excusing her actions and I really don't want to. You were made to feel unsafe during a time when you were vulnerable, and that is not ok.

The only kind of advice I would offer is, maybe it might be a good idea to revisit your thoughts on therapy. A professional trained in dealing wirh depression may be able to provide you with better support than your family or college. Other than that I would say try to create safe space for yourself. A place away from your house where you can be yourself.

Please keep sharing, I am sorry you aregoing through a hard time

[Nammu]

Is there any one that you can talk to about how bad things are at home?

[hardknocklife4me]

Find someone that you talk that you are comfortable with it has to be someone you are in a negative environment and I can somewhat tell you I know how you feel to a certain extent. But be it professional or someone who you feel is close please talk to them. There are people who care!!!

[Altered Moment]

That is terrible. I don't know what advice to give you. You need understanding people in your life. Is there treatment being offered? Meds and therapy. Do you think you need those things?

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by mulan

Good! That seems very a very hard time!
I'm so sorry that you have been going through all of this. It seems that your mother clearly don't understand depression. I would say to you to talk to her oppenly about how do you really feel, but it looks like it would make things worse. Being in that envirement is certainly not a good thing.

Have you got any help? Can you tell your director that you can't trust your mum, that she is this hard on you, for him to avoid tell her more of these things? There is any conselour in your collegue that you can reach for help?

Don't know if any of this helps. But everything you told looks pretty awful! I imagine myself in your situation, and I would certainly want to run away from home! (I'm not saying this is a path).

You have done anything wrong, it's not your fault.

Hughs for you.

Thank you.

I have tried to talk to her openly about it, but whenever I try (in a calm way, I must stress) she doesn't listen, shouts over the top of me, always saying how bad it is affecting her and how she doesn't need this right now and that I'm making it all up and I should go and see a professional (she throws that in my face because her 'friend' told her I wouldn't get help because I was lying and I knew I'd be found out if I lied to a professional - none of which is true, I am not lying, and I'm seeing a professional on Wednesday).

I am also seeing a counsellor on Tuesday, and my director of studies already knows about what's going on at home.
Thank you for your reply.

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by Curupira

I am so sorry you are going through this. As to your mother's actions, I am not going to wager a guess as to what her motivations are. I feel like anything I say may come off as excusing her actions and I really don't want to. You were made to feel unsafe during a time when you were vulnerable, and that is not ok.

The only kind of advice I would offer is, maybe it might be a good idea to revisit your thoughts on therapy. A professional trained in dealing wirh depression may be able to provide you with better support than your family or college. Other than that I would say try to create safe space for yourself. A place away from your house where you can be yourself.

Please keep sharing, I am sorry you aregoing through a hard time

Thank you for your reply, it means a lot.

I am seeing a professional on Wednesday about therapy (I can't pay for it, and I was forced to finish therapy last time). I am also going through the process of trying to find somewhere else to live. I know it will put strains on my relationships with my family, but I really can't live there any more.

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

That is terrible. I don't know what advice to give you. You need understanding people in your life. Is there treatment being offered? Meds and therapy. Do you think you need those things?

I think I do need therapy - especially now, just so I can deal with life better at the moment. Hopefully I will get an appointment with someone - if not, I'll see a counsellor at my college. I don't know about meds though... I've never been prescribed meds before, even when I had severe depression. So I don't know whether I would ever be put on meds, or whether I would have to ask for them or anything...

[doyoutrustme]

You need to move out of there! If your environment improves and you are still depressed then medication may be needed. From what you are describing, depression is a natural reaction.

tapatalk post.

[Curupira]

It looks like you are taking several positive steps. That is great. Depression can make people feel trapped and unable to move, so you taking steps twoards taking care of yourself is huge.

Congratulations, and good luck. Keep us posted please

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by ahdm

I think I do need therapy - especially now, just so I can deal with life better at the moment. Hopefully I will get an appointment with someone - if not, I'll see a counsellor at my college. I don't know about meds though... I've never been prescribed meds before, even when I had severe depression. So I don't know whether I would ever be put on meds, or whether I would have to ask for them or anything...

Good for you. Follow through with that. The system can be frustrating so you have to be persistent and self advocate. Sometimes you have to really stick up for yourself and demand the help you need. As far as meds that is something you have to think about and make your own decision. Don't be afraid to ask for them if you do want them.

[yellowlemonlime123]

hey, im sorry that you r having such a hard time...you r still an adolescent. but i am so thankful and proud of you that you came this far. dont give up...and seek help. dont wait and see if it "works" out. u know wht i mean? like waiting until it gets worse. if you need to get away from your mother, seek a safe place. it would be the best option for u to get the support from your family. but if thats not there...i guess there has to be another way. have you tried to finish all your work at your college library? where it is quiet? i mean if you can handle it. then maybe you wont be so stressed out having to deal with school work at home? yes, if it is possible for you to find a safe, clean place to get away . that might put less stress on you. yes, ask the trained ppl if there is like a facility where you can be treated and be provided with housing. and as for meds. it might help, it might not. make sure when and if you take meds, you tell the doctor about your side effects. they can be horrible. make sure you constantly talk with them and get the right one. i didnt do that and i had horrible side effects which felt worse then the times i didnt take them. i hope your situation gets better!

Originally Posted by ahdm

Okay, so as not to bore any of you, I shall keep this short. ... Ugh this is all just so upsetting and soul destroying. I just don't understand what I've done wrong.

Sorry, that got a bit long. I'm not sure what to expect from this - maybe just some guidance/advice?

Oh, that is one of the most heart wrenching stories I think I've ever heard. I really feel for you. Why on earth is your mom so mean to you? Please, always remember you did nothing wrong. From what I've read, your mom is probably the source of your problems. I really wish all the best for you, and hope you can get out of this situation somehow. Lot of hugs times 10.

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by StbGuy

Oh, that is one of the most heart wrenching stories I think I've ever heard. I really feel for you. Why on earth is your mom so mean to you? Please, always remember you did nothing wrong. From what I've read, your mom is probably the source of your problems. I really wish all the best for you, and hope you can get out of this situation somehow. Lot of hugs times 10.

Thank you so so much.

I really don't know why she's so mean... I think part of it comes from her 'friend'; he puts ideas into her head sometimes, and talks about me in a bad way constantly, and blames me for everything.

Thank you so much - I hope I can too. Although, I did try to speak to a company that houses young people with difficulties at home, however, the person I made an appointment with didn't turn up, and I was spoken to quite rudely by others there, so I don't think I'll be able to go there again. It brought up a lot of old memories and old feelings and emotions that I can't handle.

[dandylin]

I am so sorry. My heart is with you

Im in your corner girl...I felt like I was reading my own life there and your right, it hurts a lot. You haven't done one thing wrong hun...believe me. It's not your fault. If you wanna talk, pm me and I'll give you my email, we can chat there...I use it way way more than I use this. But I care for you, Im here for you...I really do, it says a lot when I open up like this to someone, it means something...your special girl and I wanna be there for you
Take up my offer on the email thing okay hun?
pm me and ask for it and Ill give It to ya

[AllyIsHopeful]

I am so sorry sweetheart sometimes I wish I could seriously give you a giant hug and tell you everything is going to be okay.

It is not right that you are having to jump through hoops to get the help you need and I hate how your mom treats you. It's not fair at all. When I was a couple years younger than you and attempted suicide, my mom's initial response was "how could you do this, do you realize how you are making this family look?!" It was somehow still always about her and her reputation and never an ounce of love and concern for how I was feeling (which is the only thing I needed). She also once told me if I decided to kill myself, to not do it in her house because she didn't want blood stains on her carpet. There was a period of time where my door was off the hinges due to bulimia, self-harm, and a couple other things.

I can relate to what you are going through and I know how hard it is. And I feel awful you are having to experience this. As always, I am here if you need to talk and extra support.

[Fuzzybear]

[littlemiss44]

I'm so sorry hunny...I wish there was something we all could do. I'll repeat what others here have said. Nothing about this is yr fault! Yr mom is really sick herself...to treat yr own child like this is beyond me. I too was emotionally abused as a child. Believe it or not it occurred till I was about 30. Then my mi came out to my family and I was put down over and over too. You aren't alone. Even though you had that experience with the housing person and that they were rude I would still try again to get housing. You need to get out of that house. It's toxic! Yr depression is just going to get worse. I believe meds would really help you. Ya there can be side effects but don't worry about that. There are many diff meds to try out there. I felt like I was reading about my life too when I read yr post. If I had someone to talk to who could help me I would have jumped at the opportunity. Just please don't hurt yr self. Yr important and God does have a plan fir yr life. Not being religious here at all. I'm.spiritual. yr life is worth living. You will eventually get away from yr mum and her friend. I also got in trouble when I had to go to the hospital. My mom said "how dare you do this to me! You are selfish and all you think about is yr self. I don't get a vacation from my life so why should you?!" It was horrific. But back to you. Again please try again to find other housing. How old are you? You are being held against yr will and I feel like the authorities need to know. You need to feel safe.and yer being abused. Keep talking to us here ok? We're here for you. Please pm me and we can talk more. Yer life is worth it hunny. Please stay safe. Hugs

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[ahdm]

Originally Posted by littlemiss44

I'm so sorry hunny...I wish there was something we all could do. I'll repeat what others here have said. Nothing about this is yr fault! Yr mom is really sick herself...to treat yr own child like this is beyond me. I too was emotionally abused as a child. Believe it or not it occurred till I was about 30. Then my mi came out to my family and I was put down over and over too. You aren't alone. Even though you had that experience with the housing person and that they were rude I would still try again to get housing. You need to get out of that house. It's toxic! Yr depression is just going to get worse. I believe meds would really help you. Ya there can be side effects but don't worry about that. There are many diff meds to try out there. I felt like I was reading about my life too when I read yr post. If I had someone to talk to who could help me I would have jumped at the opportunity. Just please don't hurt yr self. Yr important and God does have a plan fir yr life. Not being religious here at all. I'm.spiritual. yr life is worth living. You will eventually get away from yr mum and her friend. I also got in trouble when I had to go to the hospital. My mom said "how dare you do this to me! You are selfish and all you think about is yr self. I don't get a vacation from my life so why should you?!" It was horrific. But back to you. Again please try again to find other housing. How old are you? You are being held against yr will and I feel like the authorities need to know. You need to feel safe.and yer being abused. Keep talking to us here ok? We're here for you. Please pm me and we can talk more. Yer life is worth it hunny. Please stay safe. Hugs

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Thank you so much for your post - it means a lot to me. I'm 17. I really would not like the 'authorities' to know, seeing as they don't act like authoritative people, and tend to make things worse. I will try to keep posting here, but it's getting harder and harder each day. I feel like everyone else is doing so well in therapy, and improving, and I'm just being a downer by complaining...

[littlemiss44]

Originally Posted by ahdm

Thank you so much for your post - it means a lot to me. I'm 17. I really would not like the 'authorities' to know, seeing as they don't act like authoritative people, and tend to make things worse. I will try to keep posting here, but it's getting harder and harder each day. I feel like everyone else is doing so well in therapy, and improving, and I'm just being a downer by complaining...

Hi hun this is littlemiss
You are in such a tough spot. You are young enough to be put somewhere that is healthier for you. I wish I could help you. I know exactly what environment you are living in cause I lived it. I was constantly put down, unloved and a thorn in my parents side. I was a really good girl. I behaved very good and I did what I was suppose to. I'm sure yr the same way.

Would yr mom get you help for yr depression? Or does she just ignore it all together? I have a son who is 17 and a daughter who is 16 sui I'm old enough to be yr mom. :-) I'll be here for you. You don't have to suffer alone. Your not being a downer at all. That is why we're here for eachother cause we relate to what each of us are going thru. Please keep posting.

I myself have had a really bad depressive episode...the last 5 or so. I'm doing better cause I got put on a new medication. Meds really do help so I wouldn't be afraid of them. Do you ever try to hurt yr self? I hope not. You are important and worthy of love and support. :-)

Do you have any bros or sisters? I worry cause yr not in a safe place. So are you still in high school? Do you have a guidance counselor you could talk to? Are you getting any kind of help?

What's yr name? I'm Samantha. Sending you a big hug.

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[waterknob1234]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It would be good to find a counselor or someone you can trust and be honest about your whole situation with them. It sounds like you are living in a bad situation and see if there are other people you could stay with. God bless.