Depression and Social Interaction

So this isn't really a huge problem, but I'm not sure where to turn. My depression has been pretty bad this past week and a half, and I pretty much want nothing to do with anything or anyone. I also have pretty bad social anxiety which worsens when I'm depressed. I've been trying to be good though because my boyfriend's birthday is this Friday.

In past years, I have planned a party including his friends, but due to that stressing me out beyond belief, I let my boyfriend know that I was only planning things for him and I this year, and he was fine with it.

Late last night, less than four days before his birthday, his friend contacted me and asked if I could take him out Friday night and she would set up a surprise party for him in MY apartment while we were out....the thought made my skin crawl (my apartment is my one little happy place). I told her it might be better if we held it elsewhere because our place is tiny. She is looking into other friend's places, but may come back to me.

This friend is a huge drinker, and I have my own issues with her already. I try to avoid drinking because in the past, my drinking mixed with depression ends up leaving me angry and somewhat uncontrollable. I can't not go to this party (or get out of hosting it, possibly) and I want to cry just thinking about it. It's just one big night of unwanted drinking and unwanted company for me, but I have to look happy because it's my boyfriend's birthday, and I don't want to be selfish. How do you guys handle situations like this? I know this isn't a huge issue, but I couldn't talk to anyone that doesn't understand depression or social anxiety because I know this wouldn't seem like an issue to them at all.

My usual reaction to this is saying to my SO "sorry honey, i won't be able to do this". I don't know how easily you communicate with your boyfriend about your depression, but i find that communicating as early as possible when you're faced with a challenging situation is very useful.

I'm not saying you should bail out (sometimes it's good to put yourself in the situations you're uncomfortable with), but it definitely should be an option if your BF is understanding and if you can talk to him freely about your problems.

Do you absolutely have to go along with the surprise party idea? Would it be okay to just tell the friend that wants to have the party that you and your boyfriend have decided to spend his birthday with just the two of you? Sounds like just being honest would really make things less stressful for you. Good luck, no matter which way this goes!

For me, that would be a huge problem.
I cannot offer any suggestions largely because my social life dried up years ago.
May you find a way to preserve something of a social life without compromising your safety and sanity.

I'm not sure if my boyfriend would be upset if I told her no, because I know she would tell him what she had wanted to do. She's also a very, very pushy person....hence the asking me to host a surprise party with less than four days notice, lol. I liken her to a bulldozer.....I likely will have to participate just to avoid looking like a ****** or a party pooper. She told me she is tight on money, otherwise I would have suggested us all just going to a restaurant. I feel so selfish, so I'm trying to slap on a happy face. But just the combination of alcohol, a party I'm not prepared for, with company I don't necessarily favor is giving me anxiety :/

Even just knowing that this would be an issue with someone else makes me feel a lot better. My social life is drying up, as well, but my boyfriend has always had a large group of friends. His has been dwindling over the years, though. He doesn't have depression, but just getting older and growing up has naturally caused people to go their separate ways. But whenever a social event comes up involving him, I cringe because I know I have to see most of the friends that are left.

It's not too late to say no to the bulldozer. How will you feel the next day, after the party, or after a quiet evening at home with your BF. Maybe that is a useful way to think of it.

That is helpful, thank you. I think part of the reason I'm as stressed as I am is that I also have a bridal shower the following morning. I am in the bridal party, and need to be bright eyed and bushy tailed. I was already dreading the shower, but now add a potential late night party the previous day, and that just raises my anxiety level. We are planning a quiet day for Sunday, just my boyfriend and I. I will just keep looking to that day

This is your apartment... Why not set rules about how rowdy you're willing to let things get?

I suggested we do it at a local bar instead. She seemed into the idea. So that part seems to be solved, but now....I still have to go to the dang party. lol.